remnants

he was here for 5 days. five. precious. days. if that's all that we could have then i'll take it. :)

we spent a good amount of time shopping. i told him no more shopping next time he's here. sayang ang miles. we could have just strolled to cool places or talked or enjoyed silly stuff instead of doing the less glamorous art of shopping. i never enjoyed shopping :p

moments like these remind me that i somehow have a bf :p whatever. hehe.

and now he's gone. i'm used to being away, yes. but somehow, seeing little things brings back good memories. i'm not sure if it makes me happy or sad seeing them. happy because we shared good times. sad because it's just temporary.

the towel that he borrowed from me on his last day still hangs on the terrace.

his unfinished pack of calbee chips is still in the ref.

his green cross alcohol is on the table. he left it because the bottle is broken.

the bed sheets that we used are still unwashed in the hamper. in fact, i'm still using the pillow case that we used.

he didn't bring home the souvenirs that he bought for his friends. how could he if they weigh 10 million kilos? hehe

there's this little stool that he brought out on the shoe rack area because he had a hard time time tying his shoes. must be the belly :p

little things. magnificent effect on my emotions.

the goal is to see each other again on feb.

cheers to a good year, cheers to forever! *wink*

saturday extravaganza

saturday was special! pamper day and social day for me.

first stop was my facial. i think it has been more than a year since
my last facial. masakit. dumugo... ang mga pimples kong pinutok ni
ate. awww... but i love the feeling of facial massages! and someone
else removing whiteheads for you!

second stop was cafe cartel lunch. i was a bit disappointed with the
baby back ribs. where did all the flavor go? mistulang nilaga lang
ang ribs at pinunasan ng bbq sauce. whatever happened to marinate?
haha! nevertheless, it was a good meal. masaya naman. mushroom pasta
was also good.

third stop was pedi session with april. i have to salute ate for
being tough to my stubborn calluses. whew she was so tyaga. i think
she's the most meticulous pedi girl i've met. i swear, nakayod talaga
ang kalyo ko! cheers to ate's tough skills!

and last stop was the ubs dnd at the arena in clark quay. it was an
anap night. music, food, performance, raffle winners, etc. the
favorite phrase was "lahi na naman nila?" hehe. anyway, it was a fun
night. we danced like we were free-spirited creatures! susme arte
lang. the interaction with other groups was great. i need more
mingle lessons maybe. hehe

the day was good :) simething different :) nyt!

ion

december 1 na! this pic was taken inside (yes, inside) the christmas
tree in ion, orchard. love it! the tree was magnificent from outside.
it was more spectacular inside!

last christmas, our family was all over the world haha! ma and win in
tarlac and we were here in sg. this year, we are one! full force here
in sg!

soon, i will have a niece (95% sure she's a she). there are some
things i wish she could experience. christmas and childhood -
definitely a sweet combination.

* hot chocolate c/o lola... it's not instant. it's semi-instant. ricoa
cocoa powder boiled to perfection and blended with evaporated milk and
sugar. this concoction is only prepared during christmas. 100%
guaranteed to melt your worries away!

* putu-bumbomg after simbang gabi... i've seen how they shrink little
by little but the essence and yumyum factor stayed the same. comfort
food!

* christmas stockings... i can't recall how old i was when i found out
my parents have been deceiving me about the whole santa-gives-you-
presents-and-he-puts-them-in-socks thing. haha! but it was the best
deception i've ever had! santa is santa and every kid should be made
to believe in such magic and love.

* star city... unsafe? maybe. but it was a tradition for me and my
cousins. so what if the ground is dusty? so what if you ride the same
stuff year after year? star city is no disney land but it sure was a
wonder land for us when we were kids.

* pamamasko... on christmas day, the camacho cousins (all 6 of us)
would go around our neighbors and family friends to ask for pamasko
aka money. we were neatly dressed and we would knock on their doors
and it was understood that they would have to give us money. :) richy
rich on christmas day!

* carols... i never experienced this - as in the authentic caroling
with improvised tamborine (made of tansans) and drums (made of tin
cans and plastic bag). thank you, thank you ang babarat/babait ninyo,
thank you! nope, i never tried this and i regret it!

dear bebigurl, we await for your coming. may you experience the
wonders of christmas as we did years ago! mwah!

remembering

magandang linggo

all's well today. i could say this sunday is the perfect ending for my week. i also declare that this sunday is a perfect beginning for the coming week. domino effect. day 1 is perfect, the rest of the days will be perfect too. :)

the day started with a wonderful lunch shared with friends. it was myr's birthday. we went to the end of the world :p in choa chu kang to visit their lovely home. who says mature love can't be thrilling? i heard super kilig stories today and it was like watching a romantic comedy movie. cheers to love!

i feel like a prodigal daughter... after how many months, i went to worship again. it feels sooooo good. every time i turn away, He still pursues me over and over again. i have an overwhelming desire in my heart but circumstances don't allow me to sing and shout out my love. i love the feeling of euphoria when i sing out and dance and clap and worship and thank and praise Him... i love the fresh, angelic faces and smiles of the most kind-hearted souls i've ever met... if only i could...

though many times i run from you in shame

i lift my hands and call upon your name

for underneath the shadow of your wings

my melody is you

we went biking in east coast today. we saw this wake boarding stuff again. i swear, one of these days, i'll try this! ;) i love biking! i love the feel of the wind blowing on my face and on my hair. i love the thrill when i go speeding down on an incline. i love the feeling of tiredness after the long ride.

i

love

this

sunday!

:)

friday madness

in 30 minutes, it's officially friday! i love fridays. i could barely count the times i stayed late at work on a friday. for me, it's the perfect way out from all things chaotic and and stressful.

friday doesn't mean i could sleep longer on saturday. my brother is a health buff and he "forces" us to jog or bike on saturday mornings, which i don't really mind. i love it too!

i don't have energy and will to work 100% on fridays.

i buy a yummy breakfast on fridays.

i try to eat out for lunch too!

and i do the grand escape on the dot!

come to mama, friday!

kuskus therapy

i once read from someone's facebook status: i can't sleep so i cleaned the bathroom. and others commented that cleaning the bathroom is a good therapy for stress. i thought that it's not a bad idea.

i tried it last week. after having another late night at work, i scrubbed the shower walls and floor before taking a bath. it was magic! i felt good afterwards! i felt that it was a sponge that absorbed all the negative emotions and thoughts inside of me. i came out of the bath feeling very relaxed and renewed.

i felt a little inis over something today. i almost gave in and sulked but then i remembered the kuskus therapy. so i diverted all my energy to mopping the kitchen floor... and to scrubbing the shower again. i loved it! i think, with all the energy that i waste on thinking about all things negative, why not transform it into something positive? why will i cultivate something not good in my mind and in my heart? ma-atake pa ako. i'm not getting younger. in fact, i'm eagerly anticipating the first time i'll see a white hair on my head. that will be the day i will say, "i'm old and i don't mind!" but that's another story.

i love it that i learned a wonderful trick this week. we cannot control all things around us. stress or anger or depression or sadness might be here to stay, but i realized that cultivating them inside me might transform me into a beast. i imagine being a gracious host to a parasite. the more you feed it, the more it grows and leads to worse things. i could always divert my energy into something worthwhile and productive, i guess. cheers to a clean bathroom and to a happy heart!

what is tranquility?

forgetting the things you left undone

going for a swim whenever you feel like it

strolling by the bay

sitting on the sand

and on cozy beach chairs!

watching the waves engulf your painted toe nails

drinking a beer or two at night

watching tv 'til you fall asleep

looking all around you and everything you see is wonderful

long drives

holding hands

while walking

not working (for a while)

eating good food

having good conversation

and good laughs

forgetting all things that are stressful and bad for the health

* pic taken at aquatico, laiya batangas. i loved it there! the place is ideal for an intimate crowd. staff courteous and accommodating. great infinity pool. good beach. will i ever consider going back? definitely :)

at home

i was at home last oct 7 to 11 (wow 7-11!) to attend joy's wedding and to have a short holiday as well. when we were having breakfast on the 7th, i was really happy and nostalgic to see our dining table still arranged this way - old, lace table runner and all! and look at the plate and utensils! they belonged to my lola (still does, i think... RIP, lola). as a proof, there are her initials on the plate and fork. FLC - florentina de leon camacho. awww... very special keepsakes.

my lola was a frugal lady. as an effect, she was very masinop of the little things that she has. i remember watching her carefully fold her umbrella. it was creaseless, i tell you! it was the same umbrella she used through the years. i wish i got this good trait. i am never careful of my things :p burara? yes. even my mom, who should be my number 1 fan, tells me outright: "ang burara mo!" haha. sorry!

starching lola's clothes is another story. even pambahay dusters were starched and ironed to perfection! i am belittled in my gula-gulanit shirts and shorts. i don't know... i just don't have this fondness in looking presentable when i'm "just" at home. i feel you have to be stripped off of everything superficial when you are at home. that's just me. so a surprise visit is always a nightmare for me. let's just say, i don't look at my best :p (but do i ever? hehe)

i roamed around the house and i was really happy that the good, old memories came alive. this was where i had my first thoughts as a child, this was where i studied for school exams, this was my sanctuary when i was already working. this is simply home. i wonder if i will still live here in the future :) i won't mind, i guess... as long as i don't stay there alone. can i have mama and kuya and win? just like the old days :) nice.

mama visits the house from time to time. she says she always gets sad thinking of those days when we were still a complete family :( sunday, we all eat breakfast. every night, we would sit at the living room and watch tv. we would fight over washing dishes when cecil is on leave. everyday was a happy day.

now this post made me sad too. why do we have to be away from home? why do we have to be apart? :(

sleepless

it's the time for worries again. i can't sleep. i am thinking about the work i left behind and the work that is waiting for me tom. when can i be worry-free? i feel there's just too much to be done.

i want to be free from worries. maybe i just need to learn to handle things differently. maybe i just need to relax in the middle of tension. be like a bamboo - sway with the chaos of a storm. sturdy yet gentle, never snapping despite the harsh winds that try to dismantle it.

i need to convince myself more that things will be alright and that things will be done... i could start by commanding some sleep into my system now. shut down mode. tomorrow i will conquer the world. i promise!

hhwwmpssp

i took this shot on my way home last week. i got off the bus with the girl in the picture and her lover boy was waiting for her on the bus stop. she seemed surprised and delighted to see him waiting there. then they started to walk the long walk home. i stayed behind them because i was desperate to take their photo. i have no talent in taking pictures but you don't need talent to capture love :)

they look so cute :)

and i wonder why i have to be away from someone who could have been holding my hand everyday while i walk. it's hard to be apart and i don't like the fact that i just got used to the feeling of being away from each other. most people don't have faith in LDRs, i'm not sure what keeps me holding on too, but i just keep on going just the same.

i have simple desires in the love department. waking up knowing he's so near. having long walks and talks. yes, hhwwmpssp. giving and receiving butterfly kisses. watching tv beside him. going out on weekends towards anywhere or nowhere. bumming around. having hand massages. eating and laughing together. sharing gossip. all so simple yet i can't have them everyday because of the i'm-here-and-you're-there drama.

there's always a right time for everything. it may come or it may not. if there's one thing that i remember in high school religion class, it's the fact that NO is an answer from God too. it doesn't mean He didn't answer. He simply said NO. He hasn't said no yet, btw. i'll just sit still here and you stay put there... and for now, just hope for our hhwwmpssp moments to come... soon.

productive (somehow)

it's the first time this weekend that i feel productive :)

i planned to do some work over this weekend. but heck, it's weekend! have a life! work is not life, so why have work on a weekend? work could wait until tomorrow. there's a right time and venue for everything and weekend at home is not the right one.

so i lazed around last saturday. i didn't do anything! i didn't even do the laundry and i didn't clean the bathroom (it's my turn). it's also my turn to cook food but there are still a lot of leftover food from last friday. what a perfect day!

sunday, still the same lazy mood. we just went to hear mass and shop for groceries for the weekday dinners.

i finally became productive for once this weekend! i prepared pinaputok na tilapia and embutido and it's all done :) yay!

tatlong tulog na lang

i'm coming home to attend joy's wedding. i thought it's also a good time to unwind and have a break from work. yes, we're in the middle of execution and i'm leaving all the work for now -- in the good hands of my colleague. :) it's time for a break. well, they allowed me to have a three-day break so i guess it's not that bad. i could have a guilt-free holiday :)

i am wondering what manila looks like after the storm.

i hope we could all sing:

the rain has stopped

the storm has passed

look at all the colors

now the sun's here at last

:)

life goes on. it might not be an easy start but we all have to start at one point again after a fall.

i'm still confused about some things. and i feel guilty that i am confused. i shouldn't be confused. :( i am so sorry.

off to play a little cake mania before i start 1 of 3 tulogs left... night night world!

damdamins

• pain - my head has been aching since yesterday. might be due to waking up at the wrong side of the bed. maybe not. heck, it's all in the mind.
• less - i feel i could have done more. i feel i could still do more. what's stopping me? the lack of initiative, maybe? too many things running in my mind. i'm thinking too much. i feel it's not enough to do it just this one time. it's supposed to be a continuous thing.
• confusion - i like to but something is stopping me. i yearn for it but at the same time i feel lazy, maybe more of ashamed, to push it through. when i'm there, i'm there. but when i'm not, i'm not. get it? sigh.
• uncertainty - do i have to do it even if i'm not 100% convinced that i want to do it? i almost put it to a halt on a certain day. i was thinking it's not what i want. but why am i still there?
• excitement - 3 more nights and i'll be home (or what's left of home). i'm excited to see my loved ones. i'm excited to see the positive, hopeful faces of people... despite the hardships in the past days.
• stress - so many things to do. so little time. so many responsibilities, so little strength and ability.

where is positive energy when i need it most? i want to run and break free... but i can't... ugh. still so negative! so what's stopping me? from doing what? i don't know. :) what do i want, really?

i want to do things that i like to do! but what are these things? :-S phone a friend...

blessed

the events that happened this weekend are a bit surreal. everything falls down to the same feeling of being blessed.

a few days ago, i posted a status in facebook that i don't really get all the F1 hype and i'm not into it. something to that effect. friday afternoon, just when the work week was about to conclude, our manager approached me and asked me if i'm interested to watch F1. she said our agency bought tickets and gave it away to employees. why not? to see what the buzz is all about, i accepted the ticket. the catch is, there's only 1 ticket. i have 4 other housemates. hehe. hey, it's a blessing and you don't say no to blessings. we'll figure something out, i thought, and got the pass.

we found out that all 5 of us could see the friday practice race if we took turns to go inside. not bad :). we let erwin go in first. we were waiting for him when 3 filipinas approached us and gave us -- FOUR COMPLIMENTARY TICKETS! just like that! we were just standing there! i can't believe our luck! we all ended up watching the practice race! it's not that bad! there's a sense of excitement seeing the cars pass by vaguely. hehe. but we all had a good time even if it's just the practice night. i still would not shell out a fortune just to watch something like this, but i liked the experience. :) thanks to all the generous people, i was able to see what's beyond the broom broom and speed.

we still could not get over our luck the next day when the news about ondoy spread. here we are, feeling an overwhelming blast of blessings, and on the other side of the world, a lot of people are drowning and grasping for just a tiny drop of blessing. :( God saves.

amazed

i love the feeling of amazement!

i feel amazed when i see something unique for the first time.

at times, i feel amazed for no reason at all.

like staring at a fountain like this!

all those cool waves and bubbles and squirts!

to think it's just water and air and pressure!

my attention was diverted to this little girl who was also staring at the splashing water.

i wonder who's more dumbfounded? this little girl looking at the fountain, or me looking at her look at the fountain? :)

my pathetic attempt for nail art

bunga ng kawalan ng magagawa noong nakaraang lunes (holiday), heto't masdan ang kalokohan ko :)) ang nais ko sana'y bulaklak subalit hindi sila mukhang bulaklak! mukha lang silang mga tuldok o paru-parong napisat. hay.

di ko pa rin tinatanggal. saka na :)) pero di ko na uulitin ito. pramis.

lowlows and lowlas

i was going home one night when i chanced to walk with this lola. she was walking rather quickly. i figured she has more stamina than i do! she's very fit for her age, i must say.

today, i watched wonder mom and learned that we are celebrating grandparents' day. i only have one lola left. she is mom's mom and she is spending the sunset days of her life in mindoro.

now, i think back to the days i spent with my lolos and lolas. some memorable notes:

• when i was 6 months old, mama and papa brought me and left me in mindoro for a few months. lola ading and lolo tyago took care of me. they wanted to preserve this duyan that i used but unfortunately, a fire hit the house and destroyed the dear souvenir. when they brought me back to manila, i was this big, fat baby! that was the only time in my life when i became fat. :p
• lolo pepe taught me how to read. he also taught me how to ride the bike. i remember going for a vacation in my cousins' house in bf. i always regarded them as the "rich ones" because they live in this beautiful subdivision where you can learn to ride the bike. in our humble barangay, you sort of endanger your life if you ride the bike because of the deadly tricycles :)) lolo pepe also took us jogging in the nearby multinational village and took us to motorcycle rides (without helmets)! it was cool (and dangerous)!
• lola floring taught me the proper way of washing undies. she also taught me how to iron clothes, cross stitch for or elementary project, a little bit of the basics of cooking and cutting the ingredients, how to properly sweep the floor, how to make paste out of gawgaw, the basics of sewing and using a sewing machine. in short, the little household things that i never knew would matter until now that i'm all grown up. not that i'm an expert! but it doesn't hurt to know even just the "basics". lola never even went to high school and everything she knew, she learned by experience and passed them all in some ways to her grandchildren.

i feel i am lucky to have experienced an overflowing love from grandparents from both sides. i want to grow old and see my grandchildren too. they say you'll love your grandchildren more than you love your own children :p it might be true and i'm excited to experience that love!

poor crabs

spotted at shengshiong supermarket: poor crabs! it's not so visible in the pic, but nakagapos sila! susme kawawa naman... ikaw na ang igapos!

dugyot

look at my hair! it has this not-so-attractive shade of rusty brown! mistulang laking tabing-dagat. hahaha! i put it beside my black pants and found the remarkable difference. eeew.. :)) i've never tried to have color treatment. maybe it's all damaged because of the rebonding every year or so.

perfect sunday breakfast

yummy breakfast for sunday:

• pancakes
• bacon
• syrup
• marmalade
• cold chocolate
• ketchup. ketchup?!? hehe naligaw lang.

i realized these are remnants of mama's presence :( she requested for these while she was still here.

wonderful

while waiting for the bus, i found a feeding frenzy among this flock
of birds. isn't this a wonder? :)

rainy days and headaches always make me cry

sunday rainy day! i don't hate rainy days anymore. i am no longer
affected by the gloomy atmosphere it brings but accompany it with a
terrible headache and it's a different story. i hate it!

welcome to the family

dear april, welcome to our family!

yesterday, august 29, marked the beginning of my kuya's family life. on days like this, ihinahihiya ko ang pagiging iyakin ko.

it was a very intimate event. we felt blessed with the presence of around 55 guests who were also happy to witness the union of 2 lives and souls. during the ceremony, i was the lector and one of the witnesses. 'di ko malaman kung anong espiritu ang sumapi sakin at naiyak ako sa second reading! grabe nakakahiya ang ginawa ko. the guests and the priest were all bewildered (and shocked, probably) why my voice croaked like crazy while reading. ewan. i was moved deeply by the reading. i felt it is the very manual of how a married couple (and every human being too) should live and love - then the world will become a paradise.

come signing of the contract, father pointed his finger to where i should sign. i clearly saw the spot on the paper. ewan ulit kung anong espiritu na naman ang sumapi at ibang spot ang pinirmahan ko. nairita ata si father. "ayayay! i said here!" hahaha sorry! wag init ulo, father.

i loved the reception. everybody loved the food and they had a very simple program courtesy of donna, pam, nerie. at the start of the program, the guests showered the couple with confetti made out of ehem, ikea napkins. hahaha! it was a last minute effort to prepare the confetti. mama, erwin, erika, and i manually cut these paper towels into tiny bits para may maisaboy sa couple at the grand entrance. i love it!

sa wedding toast, syempre gumawa na naman ako ng eksena... susme kinahihiya ko na talagang iyakin ako. i haven't even started yet, umiiyak na ako! ano ba yan. pero i felt i said what i had to say, i affirmed them both for being wonderful persons individually and i wish, the same way as every guest does, that the union will last forever. i am very happy that april came to grace kuya's life. i know he lived in a dark spot once in his life, and now he is vibrant and alive again. i am also an expecting auntie! yahoo!

some more pics:

i love the makeup artist, noel! he's so chika and fun to be with! he is not just a makeup artist but an instant wedding coordinator na rin. i feel it's not all about the money for him because he feels the same way that this must be a grand event and he's so concerned about everything. after the reception he even stayed at the hotel for a few hours to entertain us! susme. i just love him!

this is my sister-in-law, april, with my other soon-to-be-sister-in-law, erika. now, i have 2 sisters!

trivia: april's gown was rented from a boutique here in singapore. people here are shocked to learn that in the philippines, we buy wedding gowns and suits. apparently, the trend here is just to get a package that consists of photo and video coverage, rentals of gowns and suits, bridal car, and others. isn't it practical? i like the concept.

oh, april's bolero was hand-sewn by her mom. i like it!

while waiting for the bride and groom.

here are the girls! the 2 purple gowns were bought from a boutique here. perfect fit except for the length. mama and tita's gowns sort of matched too. they bought it from manila. in the end, everything looked kind of coordinated.

i think and feel it was a perfect wedding :)

ispeysyal

breakfast baons are extra special for the past week. why? mama
prepared them!!!

sticker says: made with love

awww...

magnetable

wow! the title!!!

i have an old (clean) sock that i use as a purse for all my php coins.
one day, wawin was cleaning my stuff (yes, he's more organized than i
am!) when he found this purse and counted the coins. he immediately
recognized this 1 peso coin and declared it as fake. he said it was
all over the place a few months back. iwas a bit shocked because it
didn't seem fake at all. he demostrated that the fake ones would stick
to a magnet! in all fairness to the makers, it's not really obvious!

imagine how a million 1 peso coins could make one dirty soul a
millionaire! tsk tsk!

jennifer alejandro (read: alehandrow)

gogogo! i so admire her. jennifer was a paulinian from paranaque. i
never knew her personally but she was one of the popular girls back
then. she is now a newscaster of the... financial section chuva of the
daily morning news at channel news asia! bonga to the highest level
diba?! she is conversing with financial analysts everyday on her
segment... live ito! my gosh she's so galing :)

there's also another pinoy newscaster at channel news asia. forgot his
name, but very admirable just the same.

gogogo filipinos!

sunlight (warning: hate post at the end)

6pm: i boldly told my new favorite dev, "noel, i'm going to take advantage of the "calm" moment. i am leaving now to enjoy what's left of the sun. wish you a good evening!" to this, he wished me the same. i said thanks, grabbed my bag, and left! this is the life i've missed so much! i was planning to leave at 5:45 but i had to finish some more stuff.

i was practically skipping happily on my way home! when i stepped out of suntec, i was almost blinded by the sunlight! look at this first pic! these are real shadows! it's been a while since i last saw shadows while walking home. and it's the sun making these and not some bright artificial night light!!! so nice!

and look at the mighty sun! i did my best to be discreet, else i would have looked like some lunatic taking pictures of the... sun? hehe! i lab it! i savored every minute of it. i took the long walk to the mrt instead of riding the bus so the sun could kiss me just a little bit more before it sets.

and look at the lovely tabing-ilog! at night, this is just a dark walkway. i really think it looks lovely with the daylight on ;) there's a good breeze blowing and a very faint drizzle while i was walking. the estero didn't smell that good but i didn't care. this is my happy moment today.

... only to be spoiled by someone. i ended up doing someone else's chores at home. so much for going home early. i thought i'll have a relaxed night... i didn't.

i like responsible people. i therefore conclude, i hate irresponsible people. sorry for hating. but, that's it. i hate him. i hope these feelings will go away. Lord, help po...

pang live stream lang

courtesy of gma network, people around the world are able to witness the wake of cory in manila cathedral. i saw the link from facebook and i was happy to be a mere spectator at this event. people pay respect by queueing, saying a silent, brief prayer, making a sad glance at cory, and leaving. i wish i were there. i've always been "just" a spectator.

i was 6 years old when the people power revolution happened. i was just 6 years old. i recall my parents joined the rallies. i wish they took me with them at that time. of course, it wasn't safe, but still i wish that i have been a part of that history. instead, i was at home, the only memory i have is when the ground shook and our tv almost fell off when a bomb exploded in naia (then mia).

i was in college when edsa II materialized. students were flocking to edsa then. i asked mama's permission if i could go. she didn't allow me - she said it wasn't safe with all those tanks and guns and soldiers. i was more afraid of mama's sermon than all those violence and bombs combined. i didn't go. again, i was a mere spectator.

cory supported her husband in his dreams of making the philippines a better place to live in. she could have been selfish and kept him confined in a small radius of comfort zone. when ninoy died, cory left her household and children and served the country instead. she wasn't just satisfied by being a spectator.

funny how i am satisfied at being just that... watching live stream via the internet, reading news every morning, watching tv patrol and just making "grabe! ano ba yan?" side comments, frowning with every blow of shocking news. but where is the action, really? and what does it take to somehow make a contribution. i want to be a part of something worthwhile!

new life

this is it! natapos na rin sa wakas ang phase ng project namin na andun ang bulk ng trabaho. fine, na-extend kami ng 1 day. pero grabe, ang saya-saya ko. feeling ko kanina, kung ipagpapabukas pa ang sign-off nito, mamamatay na ako. walang halong biro.

pero ok na. so buhay pa ako! salamat! may mga araw na inaalat ka... pero naisip ko, grabeng kaalatan naman ito! maalat pa sa dead sea! pero ang mahalaga, natapos na rin. ibang yugto naman bukas. pero feeling ko, mas masaya na ang mga susunod na araw. wag lang sanang aalat pa sa pinakamaalat na araw nitong mga nakaraang linggo.

hay. siguro, makakakain na ako. siguro, hindi na ako magigising nang 6:00am na natatakot kung anong mangyayari sa trabaho. siguro, hindi na masyadong bibilis ang tibok ng puso ko. siguro, may panahon na akong chumika (nang konti). siguro makakauwi na ako nang maaga pa sa 8pm. siguro, this is a new life for me!

thank you, Lord at natapos din ito. ang galing galing mo talaga! love kita super! :) thank you kasi love mo rin ako. :)

baon

every friday night, we buy groceries that will sustain us for a week. we haven't mastered the art of estimating the just-right amount of food yet and as a result we throw away so much extra food. last friday, while loading the ref with the new supply, we threw around .25 kilos of chicken breast, some old tomato sauce (which, i figured could have been enough to make a simple pasta), a bowl of ginataang kalabasa and sitaw, and some more leftover food.

i was not happy about it. i know what all grandmoms and moms say: marami ang nagugutom. and this is so true. this is not the first time we threw away leftover food. at times, the amount is enough to feed a whole family. and to think the poorest of the poor eat only rice and salt (if they get lucky). and here we are throwing away what could have been a feast for another family's table.

throwing away food at the office is another story. my appetite easily gets affected by stress. as an effect, i find it difficult to swallow and finish my lunch. what could have fed 2 hungry children goes down the drain.

i know i'm already rotting in hell... to think i'm not even there yet!

as a resolution, kuya bought glass food containers so we could take packed lunch at the office. baon for tomorrow: tirang chicken pastel from yesterday and tirang sopas from today. i know i still have some frozen nilagang pork that could easily transform into tapa in the following nights, go into our baunans, and become a hearty lunch somehow.

we could not save the world with these simple gestures... but it's worth a try for now.

good night, world!

so inviting

so inviting!

if only i don't feel lazy

almost feels like summer

with the "summer breeze" coming from an old fan

i remember there's some ice cream somewhere in the ref

and there are frozen strawberries too

might be a good idea to make a yummy fruit shake!

go go go!

barenaked

my last dark purple nail polish is all chipped off. around 1cm of new nail has grown. what a repulsive sight. i tried to apply a platinum/peach nail polish on my own and it became even more repulsive. hehehe. because 1) i am not an expert and, literally, the colors came flying all around! 2) platinum/peach flatters only fair-skinned toes 3) maitim ang paa ko 4) at ako.

now this one's better. bare. naked. basic. toned down. missed this. i like.

wow

'm gonna be here for you baby

And I'll be a man of my own word

Speak the language in a voice that you have never heard

I wanna sleep with you forever

And I wanna die in your arms

In a cabin by a meadow where the wild bees swarm

(Chorus:)

And I'm gonna love you like nobody loves you

And I'll earn your trust making memories of us

I wanna honor your mother

And I wanna learn from your paw

I wanna steal your attention like a bad outlaw

And I wanna stand out in a crowd for you

A man among men

I wanna make your world better than it's ever been

Chorus

We'll follow the rainbow

Wherever the four winds blow

And there'll be a new day

Comin' your way

I'm gonna be here for you from now on

This you know somehow

You've been stretched to the limits but it's alright now

And I'm gonna make you a promise

If there's life after this

I'm gonna be there to meet you with a warm, wet kiss

Mmm hummm

And I'm gonna love you like nobody loves you

And I'll earn your trust makin' memories of us

Ohhh

And I'm gonna love you like nobody loves you

And I'll win your trust makin memories of us

Mmmmm

Ohhhhhhhh Oh Baby Mmmmmmm

making memories of us

- keith urban -

... but is there such a man? hehehe

frenzy

i think i am an addict. whenever something catches my interest, i put forth all energy to know stuff about this something. call it a frenzy... and my frenzy changes every week or so.

when mj died, i spent so many hours watching old documentaries, reading mj stuff, following news about him, watching the memorial, and searching for old, old videos of him. i was amazed and moved by his personality. two things that got stuck on my mind was 1) jane fonda's remark: "who are we to judge?" and 2) some man's remark on the memorial: "there isn't anything strange about your daddy. it was strange what he had to deal with, but he dealt with it anyway."

a few weeks ago, i finished reading "memoirs of a geisha". while reading it, all the while i thought it was a true story. i was so engrossed and i tell you, this japanese mmk story mentally took me to japan! i was so devastated to learn that it wasn't a true story after all! then i started with my geisha frenzy by searching for geisha youtube videos. i then learned that the book is actually based on a true story. this geisha mentioned at the credits of the book claimed that 90% of the story was her life story and that she was surprised that her name was mentioned when, in fact, they had an agreement that her name won't be revealed. she sued the author and after a good agreement (probably monetary), the news died down. the other geishas were not thrilled that their pact of secrecy was broken. apparently, geishas never talk about their clients. my geisha frenzy went on for about a week.

next addiction was marie digby. we watched her concert in clark quay and i got mesmerized by her super puting kili-kili :) i like her so much! she seems very sweet and kind and her voice is really good. i like her first album better, though. it was more of acoustic and patweetums love songs. the 2nd one is more of a mix of everything. i honestly think her voice is good enough as it is and she doesn't need that much pa-effects. i still like her super, though! so what did i do? i signed up and followed her on twitter. i feel like an ultimate stalker! my gulay!

my marie digby frenzy isn't over yet but it seems that another one is on the queue. tita cory :( we were at the library this morning when i saw a news flash around 9am - saying that tita cory passed away. i was shocked and determined to search all that i can about her. videos, write-ups, news, and all. what is it with tita cory and her charm to win the hearts of people? she definitely made a difference in this world and i admire her for this.

ubo

i've been coughing for the past few weeks.

i've always been like this when i have cough. it lasts for a long, long time! once when i was still in manila, i had a cough for more than a month. being ms. paranoid, i consulted a doctor and told him outright i wanted a chest x-ray because i fear i might have tb. he laughed at me while evaluating the results. my lungs are healthy daw. hehe. better to be sure than sorry.

now, the cough season is here. what's more, there's still the h1n1 scare. i've been coughing for the longest time but i haven't had the chance to consult a doctor yet because work is putting its toll on me... big time!

as each day passes by, i realize there's a nasty pattern going on here. on weekdays, i bark nonstop. and what's with weekdays? WORK! not just work, but stress that hammers on me like crazy. since the cut of employees, work load doubled overnight and i'm not used to this kind of pressure. waah! whatever happened to good, old petiks days? i'm not used to attending meetings and talking with lots of people and doing testing all at once. i was just a simple girl who went to work to test. and i miss this badly.

anyway, as i said, i bark nonstop and my cough sounds like i need a bed rest. hehehe as in ubong kailangan nang ihiga! but what can i do? so i just cough it all out and work just the same. come friday, the cough relaxes a bit and by saturday morning, i tell you the cough is gone! like magic! so i go by my weekend cough-free and carefree. i feel well and relaxed despite humongous house chores.

the mystery starts again on sunday evening when the cough finds its way through my system again :( therefore i equate this cough with work :( and stress :( and pressure :( psychological cough? meron ba nun? eew.

showbiz

i am watching asap at the moment. trip lang. here are my thoughts...

i think juday is very beautiful. i'm glad she had this wonderful transformation from being the pambansang siopao to being ms. fitrum. i really think she's very pretty. :)

i don't like bea. i don't like her singing voice. i get annoyed when i see her on tv. as in ANNOYED. affected si ate?!? haha

i like anne! she's very arte but carry nya ito! i like her face. i like that she's super true, walang panggap, very cute and very sowsyal. i like her!

i like zsazsa too. i think she's elegant and i like her voice. i'm not too fond of karylle though. hihi. sorry!

i'm beginning to appreciate billy joe crawford as a performer. haha! in fairness, he's magaling naman kumanta and sumayaw, he's magaling ;) and bagay sila ni niki.

i think echo is tooooo pa-sweet. ulk.

piolo. NR. hehe.

i like john lloyd! he's funny and witty, i think. i like his porma. kakaiba.

of course, sarah! she's very charming and cute and galing and very nice.

oh, and i love the sessionistas!!! i love aiza and nina and mymp!

haha... ang arte ko. kaasar.

regrets

being a bitch last night

being a bad girl at times

cultivating tiny negative thoughts into monstrous schemes

acting as if don't care

spilling

pretending i didn't see it

not understanding

thank God for understanding, forgiving people.

$37

my, my. i'm so happy!

last week, i bought some goodies: 3 laundry nets @ $3, my favorite loreal tecni art liss control @ $19. i put them all in a plastic carrier along with my old umbrella ($15 then). all along, i knew i took the carrier home with me. but somehow, the carrier disappeared :( you just don't throw $37 away! life is hard, every cent should count and be saved.

i just didn't know how it disappeared.

yesterday, i was cleaning the house when i spotted the carrier inside this drawer by the dining table!!! and i was soooo happy when i found it! i don't have to buy new laundry nets, hair conditioner, and umbrella after all! yahoo!

purple toes (and purple veins)

mama

i am a member of the friday club. we are (not so) young employees meeting on fridays, sharing good food, good stories, good laughter... sharing the good life! we take turns cooking dinner in our homes.

last friday, it was held at jan's house. we had pasta. mike brought videoke - or what might have been videoke. hahaha. it was a bit bizarre because what started as a good dinner ended up being a care group sharing the deepest, darkest moments of your life. i learned so much from them that night. it was like watching 4 different episodes of MMK in one session. but how i loved it!

when i was younger, sharing family problems with classmates and friends was a struggle. it was almost taboo. but as i grew older, both body and soul, i found i easier to open up about the drama of my life. not that my life is or was sad. in fact, my troubles are very trivial if compared to others. i thank God for this blessing.

mama. she was the object of my sharing last friday. i told the group that my mama is my strength. mama knows the right thing to do and say - all the time. i'm not exaggerating. she has been the pillar and light of our family. when the boat is sinking, she knows how to save our lives. and everyday, i dream that i will be like her when my turn to be a mama comes.

i feel so blessed because i still have mama with me. i can't imagine how painful and dark and empty life will be without ma's laughter, words, silliness, wisdom. we have never been affectionate when we were growing up. we didn't hug, we didn't say i love you. we only kissed when we said good bye and good night, but that's it. so now, i am trying. i say i love you when we chat and it's a wonderful feeling. i don't want to wait for the day when she can't hear me say that anymore.

mama's coming on august. i can't wait :)

it's been a while

it's been a while since my last post. i've been really lazy. work has been crazy and will be crazy for the next couple of weeks.

it's been a while since i last saw mom. i miss her. but hey! wawin's here! he finally decided to look for a job here. it's been a while too, but there's no rush. :) the perfect time will come.

it's been a while since i last played monkey bars (or baras sa pagkakaalam ko simula bata). it's been a while because the last time i tried was kindergarten. i was good at it! and all the while i thought i'm still good at it. last saturday, i tried it again. i was able to go forward by one bar! :( i'm old!

it's been a while since i last held and played the guitar. i'm not good at it. i've never been. hehe. but i learned to play the intro of "the best i've ever had" by vertical horizon. hehe.

it's been a while since i last jogged. had a good jog last saturday at east coast with wawin. nice one :)

it's been a while since i last played on a swing! and i had a grand time last saturday! woohoo!

red toes

yay! red toes! i never thought i'll ever wear my toes red. metallic red even! april invited me to try a pedicure/foot spa. i was supposed to have tan or something less obvious because i don't usually color my toenails. i think this is just my 2nd pedicure and the first was something very discreet. kuya said, "try something that will give your toes attitude!" wow kuya kelan ka pa naging concerned sa attitude na inaalay ko sa mundo? hahaha!

ok fine, try something new na lang :) so red it is! i actually like it. medyo maikli nga lang ang kuko ko. haha pero nakakaaliw syang pagmasdan. parang tumitingin ako sa christmas tree. ano raw?

the foot spa was very good. i enjoyed it! maka-avail ng package hehehe. enjoy! next time, parang ok din ang dark purple. o dava! attitude kung attitude! bwahahaha!

all you need is...

i found another yummy love! this is gardenia banana walnut bread.

at the bottom of the pic, there's this heart-shaped banana. or walnut. whatever. it's yummy :)

happiness is...

devouring on mom's favorite breakfast!

minana ko sa kanya ang pagkahilig sa nilagang itlog sa agahan, sawsaw toyo! yum.

ang dali naman naming paligayahin. hehe! 

awww, i miss mami. kung sinong maunang magising, syang maglalaga ng itlog! hahaha!

ang sabi nya...

"do you have to mightily wave the banner of your so-called perfect life just to make me feel i am living in a miserable slum?"

sometimes

- it doesn't feel so right -

- i feel there will never be a hundred percent -

- it just seems to be a hundred percent, but it isn't and it will never be that -

- there is a thought that the tip of the pyramid is just an illusion and it does not actually exist -

- i run (britney) -

- not sometimes, but always, i yearn to be a good girl (so help me God) -

happiness is...

walking leisurely on my way home...

while reading a good, addictive book :)

this is a 15-minute walk/read i'm talking about :)

and this is undomestic goddess by sophie kinsella i'm talking about.

it's a good read. thanks to april for lending the book.

(however, hmm, i don't like it when i step on something i'm not supposed to step on. hehehe. i stepped on something that looks like gum today. please, let it be gum. hehe.)

the saddest eyes i've ever seen

went to toys r us earlier today. kuya was looking for a toy for his colleague's kid. amidst the happy, bubbly, soulful faces in the stuffed toys section, this bear caught my attention. it has the saddest eyes and expression. poor bear. 

i guess i could pass as a sad, sad bear the other night and the whole day yesterday. give me a faintest hint of drama and i cry right away. i cried sadly when kris allen won. it was supposed to be a happy moment! 

feeling better now. for now, i leave dear bear in his despair. smile for me, dear bear? hard. but it's worth a try.

happiness is...

going home from work and catching the last few minutes of the warmth and gentle glare of the sun :)

found it!

wow! sinuyod ko na lahat ng tindahan dito, hindi ko nakita itong collagen elastin na ito. nagpatingin din ako kay ma nung nasa is-tates sya. 'di rin sya nakabili.

sa pilipinas ko lang pala matatagpuan! yehey! salamat kay mama sa pagbili ng 2 malaking garapon :) 

pero 'di ko pa napurbahan ang bisa nya sa mukha dahil may mga ginagamit pa akong gusto kong ubusin muna. yehey!

pagkain ng gutom

yum. tipak-tipak na kanin. tipak-tipak na menudo. cheez whiz on rice. yum.

(babala: walang tabang nakain sa hapunang ito. yum.)

comfort food, comfort beverage

comfort food

napakasarap ng cheez whiz. wee! matagal-tagal na ring panahon na hindi ako nakakain nito. nang maglunch kami sa LP nung friday, ay! may i buy talaga ako ng pinakamalaking bote :) yum. perfect sya sa gardenia bread - natry ko sa banana walnut at calfornia raisin. naiimagine kong masarap lalo sa corn bread. ay kahit saan sigurong bread masarap sya :)

comfort beverage

uso ang ubo't sipon. panong hindi e lahat ng nakapaligid sa 'yo sa bus at sa opisina e umuubo, sumisipon, dumadahak na parang wala nang bukas. walang takipan ng bibig! ayos! hay. sige hawa-hawa na tayong lahat. isama mo pa ang panahong matindi pa sa babae kung magpalit ng isip. masarap sa pakiramdam ang hot tea na may lime or calamansi. wow katamaran, delatang calamansi. hehe.

comfort. hay. sarap. ginhawa. :)

literally bottled up

i saw the poorest things in a restaurant in manila. i'm not 100% sure if these are lobsters caged in soda bottles (green bottles are sprites and clear ones are cokes hehe). i didn't find them yummy or tempting in any way :( i asked mike why they are kept this way. he said it's because they tend to eat each other so they have to be isolated from the time they were tiny babies until they reach their maturity and become ready for someone's plate.

sigh. it's a sad sight. talk about freedom. those in green bottles are even worse! imagine growing in a very secluded green world! hindi kaya magkaron sila ng deperensya sa pag-iisip? :(

naapektuhan na naman si ate. haha. i don't think i could eat them. ewan ko lang din. depende siguro sa gutom. hehe. susme e ganun talaga sila palakihin e. anong magagawa ko?

oh well. it was in that restaurant that i tried shabu shabu for the first time. dined there twice. one prior to the teeth extraction and one after. well, yung second time ata hindi na shabu shabu kundi sabaw sabaw. weeh corny. both times were superb!

all you need is...

one afternoon, i found a treasure while eating calbee chips. yummy love :)

healing

no, i wasn't knocked out by manny. this was me two weeks ago after the excruciating battle i had with, um, my 2 wisdom teeth. the lower left one started giving me pains a few weeks ago. i asked around and found out wisdom tooth extraction in singapore costs 900SGD per tooth. 900! there are so many things i could do with 900! no way will i have it done here. 

the dentist in MOA charges 10k PHP, 20k max. simple math and my heart told me to book a flight back home and have the surgery done there. furthermore, mom referred me to her dentist in sucat and the dentist estimated 4k per tooth! my my. fly home it is, with twinkling eyes and a hope of somehow going for a quick summer swim at the beach. nagbaon ako ng swimsuit :)

the day came. the dentist advised that we should extract the lower right one as well. keeping it, he said, will only cause similar problems some other time. fine. matapang ako. go for it, doc! fine. after the surgery, all energy left my system. all i wanted to do was lie down and be still forever. wow! try it... search for "wisdom tooth extraction" in youtube and see how bad it looks like.

thus the picture above. i would like to thank my mom and my brother for taking care of me during the first few days that i was incapacitated. susme saksakan ng oa. they were the best nurses, waking up to feed me with ensure chocolate drink (which sustained me for a week) and give me the meds that i had to take strictly every 6 hours. the first 24 hours was unbearable! more painful than my first extraction  a few years ago.

so i thought i could have a good summer swim?! suntok sa buwan. hahaha! wish ko lang. was lucky enough to meet a few friends - maria and college friends - during my last days in manila. i was simply not in good shape to have too much fun. 

on my way back here, the H1N1 flu hype was starting so i was a bit nervous. what if i had a slight fever due to my wounded gums? what if they stopped me and detained me? that was my negative, dark self thinking. i got back safely. safe doesn't mean well, though. my mind wandered to the darkest alleys, searching online for complications after extraction. dry socket scared me to death. it's a condition when the protective blood clot of the gum wound gets lost. in effect, your gums will heal slowly - it is a painful state! BUT only less than 10% of patients get  it :)

mind over matter works. i got the complication after all. hahaha. kakaisip ko, nagkaron ako ng dry socket. so i ended up consulting a dentist here. magaling sya. idol namin sya ni jan. he gave me a medicated mouthwash (pearlie white). i call it miracle mouthwash.

akala ko'y wala nang bukas. akala ko'y wala nang liwanag. napagtanto kong, umaarte lang pala ako. i became better eventually :) all i have now are two holes on my gums. and i realized just this lunch that i am eating normally again :) now i could say i'm healing.

music please... 

Now that we have gotten through 

One more fall

I can just admit I've got it all

Cause I do 

Cause I've got you 

We've crossed these battle lines too many times

It passes through the heart

But it never leaves a mark

Cause Your love just keeps on healing me

No matter how I bruise

If I just trust You

Your love just keeps on healing me

One more clue

One more chance that wasn't there before

In your arms

No pain can harm the way I'm feeling

Lord I know that Your love is healing

I've kicked around those lines in my head

But I've never listened to the words that You said

See where it's lead

Well I know I have it now

Cause You showed me how

And all I had to do

Was just to keep my eyes on You

Cause Your love just keeps on healing me

No matter how I bruise

If I just trust You

Your love just keeps on healing me

One more clue

One more chance that wasn't there before

In your arms

No pain can harm the way I'm feeling

Lord I know that Your love is healing

(Break)

Cause Your love just keeps on healing me

No matter how I bruise

If I just trust You

Your love just keeps on healing me

One more clue

One more chance that wasn't there before

In your arms

No pain can harm the way I'm feeling

Lord I know that Your love is healing

genius

whoever invented this screen frying pan cover is a genius. i love him! frying becomes a breeze with it. :)

tilansik is a pain. with this mesh cover, you get protected from the hellish pain of tilansik plus it doesn't "steam" the food you are frying. a regular pan cover doesn't do the trick. fried stuff becomes steamed stuff.

this one's fried fish for sarciado :)