happy birthday to me!

i took a screenshot of one of the most beautiful coincidences. the time is a numeric representation of my birthday. 8:17 - aug:17. haha babaw. it's a wonder because it almost always happens. when i glance at my phone to either check if i have messages or look at the time, it's 8:17 :)

birthdays are the sweetest days and it feels great to be reminded of your wonderful existence. life may suck at times but on your birthday, you are licensed to celebrate triumphantly because you surpassed the obstacles and you had a fair share of glorious days. maybe i should keep track of the number of times i am reminded of it. :) HBD in advance!

disgusting

what is the usual breakfast for me?

• burger king $2.95 meal - croissant with egg and cheese + hot milk tea - aka tinapay palaman itlog at keso + tsaa. kapag friday, pwedeng i-upgrade sa croissanwich meal nila. ito ay may halong karne: ham or bacon.
• bean curd with grass jelly - aka taho with gulaman
• 2 char siew pao - aka siopao palaman mala asado
• hard boiled egg with soy sauce + rice - aka nilagang itlog, sawsaw toyo, ulam kanin (weekends lang)

ayan. madampian lang ang labi't sikmura ko ng mga kakaning yan sa umaga e masaya na ang diwa ko. hindi ako malakas kumain pero kapag nasarapan ako sa pagkain e very vocal ako. bawat kagat, sasabihin kong, "sarap!"

hindi ako madalas magsisi sa mga bagay na nagawa ko na dahil wala nang magagawa. natapos na'ng lahat bakit magmumukmok pa? pero kahapon, ang ginawa kong ito ang pinakamalaki ko na atang kamalian sa tanang buhay ko, at pagsisisihan ko ito habang nabubuhay ako. dahil maling-mali.

ano kamo'ng pagkakamali ang nagawa ko? bumili ako ng chicken sandwich sa dome. "for a change," ang sabi ko. for a change mo muka mo! hahaha. shongit ng lasa!

unang-una, ang tinapay, parang mumurahing wheat bread lang na may expiration date na today-1 pero naisip mong pwede pa yan kaya kinain mo pa rin. sabi kasi ng nanay mo, pwede pa ring kainin yun.

pangalawa ang lechugas, mas lanta pa sa gulay na inabot na ng dapit-hapon sa talipapa.

pangatlo, ang chicken spread, may sapi! di ko alam kung anong ibang lasa ang sumapi sa kanya. definitely, hindi sya chicken. di ko nga sure kung spread sya e.

inubos ko pa rin. haha pagkatapos pintasan to infinity level. weh gutom ako. pero masama sa loob ko ang pagkakaubos ko. hindi nya binigyan ng hustisya ang essence ng pagiging chicken sandwich. di na mauulit. paalam.

music and noise

when we were in switzerland, janise introduced me to one of her good friends, jake. jake went all the way to switzerland to visit janise. talk about good friendship. :) on the topic of wonderful relationships, i remember when my best friends thecx and michie visited me in ohio last 2005. it's so heart-warming to see your good friends after a number of years and realize that nothing has changed despite the time and distance.

going back to jake, he's here in SG to visit janise again. janise asked if i wanted to join their pagtatagpo in clark quay. go! initially, i suggested a nice bbq/swimming in our place. another option was videoke. apparently jake didn't find these appealing at all. hahaha! how i've grown to be so manang over the years! oh well. clark quay it is.

i wanted to dress up. when was the last time i went clubbing? i looked inside my closet but i can't find a good dress. i settled with a black sleeveless blouse. i felt too bare. i changed again and snuggled into my favorite pink shirt. who goes to clark quay on a saturday and wears a shirt and jeans. uhm me? now i realize that my comfort level in trying out different styles in clothing is indirectly proportional to the number of years i stay alive. in all fairness to me and my confidence, i did wear a little makeup :) couldn't guarantee that i looked at my finest, but at least i tried :)

we didn't go clubbing after all. we just had 1 round of drinks, walked around clark quay so the visitors could get a glimpse of SG nightlife. as if i am familiar with it :p we got hungry and ate these wonderful shawarmas in one of the stalls. i just loved it! i had lamb shawarma and it is to die for. i promise.

where we were seated, the speakers were in full outrage. since i didn't know the songs, i assumed they are all from the latest charts. i was a bit embarrassed to see inang yaya (jake's yaya who was with him) swaying with the music and recognizing the songs, even naming them! how old am i?!? hahaha!

and then it hit me... that what other people (or generations) consider as music, i now find as noise. hahaha! to each his own. :))

so what do i now consider as music? stuff that other people might think as noise: laughter, stories, and chika. baduy much? hahaha!

bye bye bye

i just said goodbye and the other person doesn't know that i did. :p

goodbye to all the chikas.

goodbye to all the laughter.

goodbye to all the senseless questions, and to all the honest answers.

goodbye to all the trips to what-if-land.

goodbye to the mind-clearing opinions, solicited or not.

goodbye to no pretentions and to no filtering.

goodbye to trash talks and to sugar-coated ones.

goodbye to all the ego trips.

it's for the best.

trust me :)

bye bye bye

the cutest little girl

isn't she the coolest? :p

keyla just celebrated her 1st month of existence last week. i love it how she rocks our world now. ah eh, super iyakin lang talaga ng batang ito hahaha! the only things that could pacify her are: milk, more milk, karga, more karga. hahaha! could you believe a pacifier's purpose of pacifying babies is defeated with this little girl's antics?

i am certain that i won't mind cradling her for hours. even if she wails and wails and wails and wails, i won't get tired of taking care of her. just look at those eyes staring back at you. it melts all the negative things away. had a bad day? just hold her and smell her and talk to her. she won't respond or answer back, true, but just feeling her presence is like watching a thousand miracles right before your eyes.

i am confident that she'll be a very good person while april and kuya are in charge of molding her. :)

as i write this, i am a bit sad. i feel that i'll be sick and i can't get near her. i pray i'll get well soon. i can't get enough of this baby girl, keyla.

my hair is cheap

i didn't know this pic was sent. anyway, here's the story behind this pic: i find it funny that my hair is so cheap. i'm not hiyang to mamahaling shampoo hehe. i tried crab tree once, but my hair became stiff. fine hindi talaga sosyal ang buhok ko.

i'm a big fan of st. ive's shampoo and conditioner. it's relatively cheap and my hair is so lambot when i use it. the problem is, i can't find it in "normal" groceries. kuya bought it from mustafa. i don't want to go to mustafa. period.

i just had a hair rebond. the parlorista (or is it parloristo?), keno, urged me to buy a 70 SGD loreal shampoo and conditioner. i was urged. hehehe. so there, i'm now using a mamahaling shampoo/conditioner. my hair is unwell. see? my hair is not sosyal!

i also tried a kao shampoo. this one's also chipipay! grabe. i remember we have this brand in the philippines and it's caled kao biore, or something like that. my hair's so lambot din with this product! grabe. i'm so cheap nakakaloka!

so back to the pic: a few nights ago, kuya and i were at fairprice buying groceries. this brand caught my attention kasi naman pare, around 4 SGD lang silang dalawa! as in shampoo + conditioner at 4 SGD! what's scary is walang literature sa label kung ano-anong meron syang sangkap. i bought it anyway. my hair is cheap so it won't complain. i tried it once. so far, so good.

i love it how my hair is so cheap-o! i would love to be back to mustafa, though. i'd hoard tons of st. ive's. at least i know what's in it. haha!

awake

what keeps me up when i feel so sleepy at work? this cup of coffee.
the image formed looks so wide awake too. haha. if this can't keep you
up, what else will?

i am a hard-headed girl. i drink coffee, i palpitate, i get jumpy, i
complain, i promise i won't drink coffee again. it's just a cycle. argh.

an early stress

time check: 8 months to go before the wedding.

things have been moving in a very slow pace. we haven't really added anything in our accomplishments list since february. i hope we are not taking it too easy.

gowns. i'm getting a little nervous about this. when i went home last feb, we booked our gown designer. we booked in good faith - no sketches, no serious talks at all. he had a lot of good feedbacks in w @ w so i was pretty confident that he delivers well. that, plus i've seen his portfolio and his designs are great! i met him one saturday last feb. he didn't sketch then. he just asked for details and inspiration and told us that if we decide to get him, he'll send the sketches via email.

i thought that i will go ahead with the booking after seeing the sketch, just to be safe, and we left the shop. after 2 days, i was eager to check the gowns designer on my checklist. so i said, i'll just go ahead with the booking - in good faith - and just wait for the sketch. if i don't like it, then i'll just tell him to sketch another one.

so we deposited the DP to his account and sort of "booked" him.

then came some negative feedback in w @ w. negative as in: he didn't deliver on time for this bride and the outcomes were not satisfactory. then that's when i started to get nervous. i don't know what his reasons are for not delivering for that bride as agreed.

march is over and i still don't have my sketches. i followed up a number of times but he's really hard to reach. i was lucky last thursday. i saw him on chat and asked about the sketches. he said he'll send them after the holy week. he isn't apologetic at all. sure, it's just a sketch, but if you say you'll send something to a client by this date, aren't you supposed to keep track of it somehow? and deliver? otherwise, send a notice that you can't? it seems he isn't even aware that he promised the sketches by march. sheesh.

somehow, trust is broken. i'm not sure if it's too early to worry about it or if it would be better to withdraw this early and look for another one. the problem is, i'm not sure if he'll be happy to return the DP. sigh.

quasi-cherry blossom festival

it's cherry blossom season in japan :) i've always wanted to go. well, japan is on my places-i-must-see-before-i-die list, with or without cherry blossoms!

there is a park in front of our apartment. and there are a number of quasi-cherry blossom trees there :)) quasi, because: they are NOT cherry blossoms. the flowers resemble the kalachuchi flowers in pinas. mygali. they are quasi-cherry blossoms AND quasi-kalachuchi. what are they?! hahaha!

one morning, before going to work, i was mesmerized by the bed of flowers that formed on the ground. the trees adorned with flowers are wonderful to look at. the bed of flowers is also gorgeous, but it's a bit mushy if you step on them hehe.

flowers everywhere! flowers on the grass, flowers on the kanal rails!

cherry blossoms everywhere (weh kunwari lang!) white ones and even pink ones a few meters away!

flowers on the sidewalk. ;) lovely!

dear japan,

will you wait for me? one day i'll see you.

mwah!

love,

me

seven churches, a semi-full moon, and fried beehon

maundy thursday, after office, the camachos went to visit 7 churches.

we also commemorated the stations of the cross. two stations per church. it was a good experience.

i somehow feel the spirit of Holy Week is slowly draining out of my system so this is a very humbling and timely experience for me. glad to have done it with people closest to my heart.

when i was younger, the spirit was oh so alive. there would be pabasa of the pasyon within the neighborhood. the pasyon was broadcasted via loud speakers so it's undeniable that it really is the Holy Week! i miss mami. we used to do the visista iglesia together. i wasn't active even back then. it's just that the feeling is different when you are in the philippines.

there were also a number of times that we were in mindoro for Holy Week. we would join the procession and we also witnessed the penitensya rites. it was a bit scary. i didn't understand this ritual back then, really. for me, they were just a group of scary men. now, i understand what they were trying to do.

here are the seven churches that we visited. our route was: from city going to the east. please forgive the poor quality of the pictures. my humble phone did its best given the absence of good light.

St. Joseph's Church

Church of Saints Peter and Paul (church under renovation)

Cathedral of the Good Shepherd

Divine Mercy (this will be our parish come May 1)

Holy Trinity

Our Lady of Perpetual Succour

Church of the Holy Family

the semi full-moon - i loved how the moon watched over the earth with love that night.

yummy fried beehon. what is penitensya? after the four-hour event, the camachos got hungry and decided to share this lovely meal together. it was perfect with pickled chilies and hot soup and fried tofu. this eatery was just across the last church.

we started at 7:30 and ended at 11:30pm. i really, really loved the experience. i'd also love it if our future kids will keep this tradition alive!

a sponge can only absorb so much water...

tired and still homeless

we've been house hunting for the past 2 or 3 weeks. it's a tiring ordeal! we have viewings after office hours. we also have a lot during weekends. during weekdays, we would rush from the office to various flats and go home at around 9 or 10 pm all drained and tired and hungry. on weekends, we spend almost the entire day doing the same thing.

this is the first time that we'll get a unit on our own. we always had acquaintances as housemates. with the baby coming, we feel it might be difficult to still share the home with people outside of the family. it might be unfair for them.

this sounds exciting but this also means that expenses will be higher. all expenses will be divided by 3 instead of the usual 5 or 4. whew. we better get ready for this!

for the first time, we considered getting an hdb unit. hdbs are public housing units and rents are considerably lower than condos are private apartments. there are really nice hdb units around, especially the ones that are renovated or well-maintained, and you will almost have no reason to get a private flat. if you stay in condos or apartments, you pay for the amenities, security, and the ehem nice view. hehe. hdbs are quite spacious compared to the private housings but there's still the fact that anybody could just come in and out of your floor. these units are not fenced or guarded, but then again, it's quite safe here.

so after viewing unit after unit, we considered the following units:

- hdb flat in pasir ris (2k) - we were 8 hours too late for the offer. we viewed the unit one weeknight and waited too long the next day. when we decided to offer, the unit was already taken. it was a really spacious and clean unit. we wanted it badly but the competition within tenants is also fierce. every minute counts.

- unit in clear water condo (3.1k) - we offered for 2.7k. hehe it was like shooting for the stars. we were probably insane for offering such a low amount for the unit, but it was the highest that we were willing to go - 2.7k. unit was perfect, with 3 rooms plus an extra small room plus a maid's room. just perfect. however, condo was not that accessible. even if it was, the owner didn't accept our offer of 2.7k. "crazy tenants! wanting to rent my perfect unit for 2.7k" haha!

- unit in white house condo (3k) - again, we offered 2.7k. this is the ultimate unit! accessible 100%, pretty, pretty, nice, nice! 3 rooms, no maid's room. we are waiting for the owner if he will accept our offer. we are crossing all body parts that we could cross!

so after all of these, as i said, we are all tired and still homeless! we still have 1 month and 1 or 2 weeks. timer starts now!

feeling her for the first time

in about 2 to 3 weeks, baby girl will have her first taste of life-giving oxygen. for more than 8 months now, she has been this silent living creature inside april's belly. in all those 8 months, i have never felt her move. sometimes, april feels amazed at how likot she is. sometimes, she complains because the movements are too rigorous, almost painful. baby girl moves when april sits too close to her office table. apparently, baby doesn't like it when things are in contact with april's tummy. hehe. that or maybe she somehow feels that something is close by and she wants to play with it.

i've been waiting for the perfect timing when i could feel her move. see, i had to wait for more than 8 months :) while we were having lunch today, april called us when she felt baby move. i ran and felt her... and there it was, the perfect moment! i felt her move!!! i think it might have been her knees that moved like a giant wave on april's belly! it was soooo amazing! i love her already!

the last time we had a baby at home was when wawin was born. it was 1986 and i was 6 years old. wawin was a delicate little child. as he had congenital heart disease, we were very careful when he cried. he would get out of breath and his lips would turn purple. those were frightening days.

that was so many years ago. now, i wonder how it feels like to have a baby in the house again. :)

dear keyla,

auntie cat awaits for you. get ready for countless hugs and kisses and showers of love! the world has so many things in store for you.

love,

nanay, tatay, auntie cat, and uncle toy

(april, kuya, me, wawin)

magtatakipsilim

sa mga panahong ganito (read: mga panahong madrama ako), naiisip ko ang kanta ni wency na next in line: "what has life to offer me when i grow old?" pwede rin namang que sera sera: "will i be pretty, will i be rich?" (talagang yung line ba na yun dapat?!?)

sa taong ito, mag-30 na ako. siguro palapit na nang palapit sa pagtatakipsilim ng buhay ko. remember, paikli nang paikli ang life span ng tao. who knows, naabot ko na ang 1/3 ng buhay ko. meaning hanggang 90 years old akong aabot. kung maging nega ako, maaaring isipin kong naabot ko na ang kalahati ng buhay ko. so feeling ko 60 years ang hangganan ng buhay ko? kung maging ultra nega pa rin ako, maaaring 80% na ng buhay ko ang na-spend ko.

grabe. this is scary. wala pa akong anak. wala pa akong asawa. hindi ko pa nagagawa lahat na gusto kong gawin. hindi ko pa napupuntahan ang lahat ng gusto kong puntahan. lumilipas ang bawat araw na nagtatrabaho lang ako, nagbabasa ng facebook at twitter, gumagastos. at pagdating pa ng ganitong petsa ng buwan, ayan na nagsisimula na akong maging monster mag-isip. idagdag na natin yan sa pampalipas-oras ko. hay. talaga naman oo!

bakit si mami, nung 30 sya may 2 na syang anak? hmm, in fact, 3 na ata e! grabe! ang dami-dami na nyang napagdaanan at nagawa. sa taglay ba naman nyang tapang at talino e! hay. ibig sabihin ba nun, duwag ako at medyo hindi ako matalino?

hay. magawa ko lang ang mga ito, siguro ok na ako. hindi na ako matatakot.

1. magkaron ng pamilya at anak. super pangarap ko talagang magka-anak. feeling ko, ang dami-dami kong love na gustong ibigay kung bibigyan lang ako ng chance. iba yung love sa asawa, iba rin yung love sa baby/ies. gusto kong i-shower unconditionally yung 2 love na yun.
2. merong nagpupumiglas na desire sa kalooban ko na gumawa ng something. it doesn't have to be grand as in "change the world!" kahit na sa "make a difference!" level lang super happy na siguro ako. the thing is, hindi pa sya pinapakita sa akin kung ano man yun. pero i strongly feel na there's something! excited akong i-reveal sakin yun. yung giving back factor ba. lead me and i'll follow.
   
3. mapagsilbihan ko si mami, or at least make her happy - si mami ang constant good thing in my life. ayokong dumating yung time na magiging alone si mami. she's been through a lot.
4. makita, at least, na masaya ang 2 kong kapatid at ang sari-sarili nilang pamilya.
   

for now, yun ang mga wish list ko. syempre there's someone greater than me and me wishing these. there's someone wiser who knows better than me - one who will grant OR will not grant these wishes. tiklop naman ako e. :) tina-try ko namang maging masunuring bata. hehehe.

ayan parang hindi na ako malungkot. :) siguro naman hindi pa 80% no? :p

sapok, sampal, hampas

as a lenten activity, the sisters of lingkod planned to watch the film "the passion of Christ". since kuya and april had plans to visit the IT fair today, i offered that we could watch the film here in our house.

this is the second time that i watched the film. the first one was during the movie screening in manila. i watched it with mami. a couple of years passed but when i watched it today, it had the same effect on me - shock. besides the fact that the portrayal was close to perfect, something that happened during college kept on flashing in my mind while watching the film.

it was RELS class (i'm thinking it's RELSONE). we had this professor (i forgot his name) who asked for a volunteer. one of the girls (i won't tell who she is) raised her hand and she was prompted to go to the front.

teacher asked her, "come, hit me hard on the face." we were all shocked. i found it hard to fathom what his point was. she didn't hit him. teacher made his point. we find it really hard to hit somebody on the face but every time we sin, we become one of the people who gave Jesus the deathly blows prior to His death.

i have so many moments in my life that i am not proud of, in fact i am really ashamed to even talk about these. how many blows have i given Him? in the movie, i cringed every time He was hit. i even cried at certain points. the realization here is... i am one of the killers. when i watched the movie for the first time, what i felt was just pure awa for Him. this time, my realization is different. i was able to associate myself with the soldiers who beat Him to His death, with the people who threw stones at Him, who rebuked Him and showed no mercy. i am one of them. it was so easy for me to show my disgust and cry when He was hit in the film, but it's amazing how easy and shameless it is for me to continuously sin day after day.

i appreciate the activity today. so many realizations. perfect way to end sunday.

PS: my girl classmate hit the teacher really hard after a good convincing. i didn't tell in my story above because i was trying to help teacher make his point :p hehehe. he was hoping she wouldn't hit him so he could get his message across. he was still successful, i think, because i still can't forget it after all these years.

so what do i do now? i know i'll still hit Him a million times or more during my entire lifetime, but i could always try and aim not to.

s-16 chums

i am in a sentimental mood. sentimental in a good way. i'm browsing through some old mobile pictures and look at what i found. these girls are my original buddies during college. pic was taken when i went home a few years ago.

we were lunch buddies, block mates (before i moved to a different block), project mates, thesis mates, movie and mall buddies, tambay mates, aba'y lahat na ata.

mauie was my elementary classmate and HS schoolmate. we didn't talk back then. i could only recall one instance during 4th yr HS but that's just about it. we were mere acquaintances. during the first orientation day, i was really shy to be around her. maybe because we were never close during HS. as the days passed, i fell in love with her being and i consider her to be my closest girl friend during college. we clicked instantly and we share the same kapilyahan. hehehe! as i mentioned before, our souls were twins! as in!

riche was the sosy girl from CSA. at first, i was really intimidated because she's so sosyal... with the english ispokening and all. she was the girl with long hair and big shirts. rakistang mistulan. she was best friends with allen - who is the other sosy CSA girl. hehehe. they were sosy but not maarte and not mapangmata. from the boyish image, she slowly transformed to this semi-girly image. i was with riche when she first learned of z's existence. i was with riche when i first met mike.

ecel was the girl na mahilig mambara. hahaha! while mau, riche, and i share the same characteristic of being bungisngis, ecel was the straight-faced one. when one will tell a joke, the 3 of us will giggle immediately. ecel will remain serious. hehehe. she's a very deep person but that doesn't make her less lovable. i love it when, during college, ecel shared her fears of remaining single forever, and now she's really blooming and in love with mr. papa.

i love these girls. we've been through a lot. we've been through everything. we shared the same wish of being hit by a bus when we almost failed our thesis. we (minus mau) shared the same house in laguna during ojt. we all stayed up all night doing projects in riche's room - all those countless nights we slept on riche's carpet! college days were tough but they were extra special and bearable with these girls around. towards the later part of the college years, i also became super close with camille and liza - they are not in the picture but i do hope one day we'll have the chance to be together in one great pic :) i love these 5 girls!

play pen!

look, look, look! baby has a new tambayan ;). my niece is coming home
soon. so sooooon! can't wait!

i miss hershey's brown cow

when we were young, mama would buy us hershey's brown cow. there's a small bottle and there's also a big bottle. if mama bought the big bottle, ay! jackpot yun!

hershey's brown cow has always been a treat for us. we didn't buy it regularly because we were not rich. it was quite expensive that time. fresh milk wasn't in yet and pang sosyal lang ang fresh milk noon. what we had was birch tree full cream powdered milk. prior to the refill pack era, we bought the canned birch tree. if we have extra money, mama will buy the biggest can. if medyo gipit, medium lang. hehehe.

i wonder if there's still hershey's brown cow. why did i remember? when we went to the universal studios, there's a hershey's shop and you could find everything that hershey's-ey in there... except brown cow :( the closest they have is this hershey's syrup. well, it's not that bad :) we also bought the one that's malt flavor but it doesn't taste superb. so-so lang.

moooooo

updates and bands

time check: 9 months before the wedding. everything is going smoothly. we agree on just about everything.

suppliers that have been booked so far:

• church - st. pancratius chapel
  
• reception - ibarra's garden
• invitation - wink
• photographer, videographer, photo booth - nice print
• gowns and barong - amonn velasco

suppliers that need to be booked:

• flowers
• music band for the church and/or reception (if we'll choose to have one)
• lights and sounds in the reception
• hair and makeup
• souvenirs for the principal and secondary sponsors
• honeymoon
  
• wedding rings/bands

wedding rings/bands. as i said, we agree on just about everything. when we are scouting for suppliers, one of us will give an idea and the other will agree right away. no sweat. no idea is ever too ugly or questionable for us. that is until we started talking about the wedding rings. last night we had our first disagreement about it.

mike wants to have bulgari rings. i don't. a paulinian is warm, simple, and active. i'm not warm. i'm not active. i think i'm simple (yes ginamit pa ang pagiging paulinian ;p). for this reason, i want a really, really, really simple wedding ring. i don't want too many flashing stones and neither do i want brands being advertised on my finger. the one he likes is this ring with "bulgari" boldly and visibly engraved on the sides.

really, i should have told him subtly but what i told him was plain and direct: i don't like having a brand name displayed like an ad. if we grow old, do you think it will look good on our fingers? i like just a simple band. i may have been too direct. he became quiet and gently told me he is making tampo because it's like i shrugged his idea away without even considering it.

dear me, why do we have to agree on everything but the rings? :( he really likes it so i don't want to force him to wear a simple band. but i also do not like the bulgari ring and i don't want to force myself to wear it. :( hay.

today, ahngel and ate a accompanied me to some jewelry stores and my my i fell in love with this very thin band with 2 or 3 small stones. the groom's ring is also gorgeous but i'm sure he'll not like it. so how, ah? the store manager said that i could ask mike to look for a design that he likes and he'll try to find a similar design. anyway, the ring that i like isn't too choosy with a partner, meaning we could try to mix and match.

mike is the most understanding soul. i told him, "i found some good rings today. they are also on sale!" he said, "ok, ikaw na ang bahalang humanap ng ok na design for us." i know deep inside that he still wants the bulgari ring and i don't want him to look at his simple ring with hidden disgust. so... it's still my dilemma. i forwarded him some catalogs. who knows, he might find one that he likes and he will give in to me mwahahahaha :)

for now, it is an open item. sale period is almost over. i have a few more days to convince him. kapalit ay kiss, papayag kaya sya? :p

ps: i don't have anything against couples who wear the bulgari rings. if it makes them happy, then it can't be that bad :) but it's just not for me. it won't look good on me. i. simply. know. bow.

turistas

it isn't very obvious but there are a number if tourists on this
picture. pic taken at the fountain of wealth one lunch break. i love
the feeling of being a tourist. you don't have any worries. you are
there to feast your eyes an fill your senses with all things that are
wonderful.

disturbing

a few weeks ago, i saw the ara mina interview by mo twister. she's running for some public office, mo was interviewing her. she said she doesn't watch the news because it's depressing. bless her :p

here are some disturbing news i've heard from the past days. maybe events like these make ara sad.

• during a show (forgot which US state), a killer whale grabbed its trainer by the waist and strangled the trainer to death - this happened in front of families watching the show :-S it shouldn't work this way. killer whales don't kill people. the trainer wanted to be a whale trainer since she was a little girl. who would have guessed that this dream will take her life one day? :-S
• a korean couple was arrested for the death of their baby. in the autopsy, the cause of the death was long-term malnutrition. investigations show that they were addicted to... wait for it... RAISING A VIRTUAL BABY! how lame could that sound! they were both unemployed and spent hours in internet cafes raising the virtual kid. the real-world baby was neglected to her death! they feed her only once day. poor baby. :-S
• earthquakes here and there
• giant waves hit a cruise ship and injure a couple of people
• drought affecting most crops in the philippines

hay...

travels

we went to the NATAS fair last friday. it was a fair that featured good travel deals. i'm not sure if they were pretty good prices. kuya and april scouted for packages for their planned australia tour on august. i went to look if there were nice packages for our honeymoon on december!

mike and i initially agreed on going to palawan for honeymoon. original choices were: cebu, bellarocca resort in marinduque, and palawan. i forgot how we narrowed down the choice to palawan. hehe. we initially had thailand in the list but we figured once we are here, it would be easier to go to thailand (due to proximity) than to go back to the philippines. so palawan it is.

but come friday, i saw some really tempting offers in the NATAS fair. we've always wanted to go to koh sa mui in thailand. the pictures are just gorgeous! i think the prices are not that good but the beaches are really nice! and so i was torn. i wanted to go to thailand and i wanted to go to palawan too. i sent mike and SMS and asked him, where are we really going? things are really easy for guys. his reply was really simple: "palawan :)". hehe ba't ba nanggugulo ako?!? so again, palawan it is! hahaha!

as for kuya and april, they decided not to get the australian tour because it's quite expensive too. so in the end, all i had taken from the NATAS fair is the picture above. :) people going to the MRT from the fair. hehe i wonder: how many of them went home happy with their dream travel packages?

ps: NATAS is SATAN spelled backwards. scary. :s

God Makes Wonders

today, when i logged in to facebook (yes, facebook is a part of my daily routine), i saw that dear mike became a fan of "God Makes Wonders" page.

the moment i saw it, i clicked "become a fan" right away. i have so many reasons to become a fan today.

• God makes wonders because today, i received a very good news. i was haunted since last week. it could have been worse, but i received a call today.

caller: hi, the results are back
me (ever bingi): huh? did you just say "the results are BAD?"
caller: sorry to frighten you. i meant the results are back. B-A-C-K. you have nothing to worry about.

yes, God makes wonders. despite my being bingi, i heard good news!

• God makes wonders because we were able to execute a successful despedida party for our dear sunshine who is leaving the team. the wonder here is we were able to celebrate and see beyond the sadness of saying goodbye. it was a joyous night. good food, wonderful people, happy laughter.

• God makes wonders because i have a strong mother - strong in all aspects. she is still in very good shape at age 56. no major health issues, i bet she'll outlive me :p she is just as strong emotionally. she has been through a lot, still going through some more, but she sure knows how to make lemonade out of lemons thrown badly at her. i know God is behind her every step and every breath.

• God makes wonders because baby girl is coming in a few more weeks. how else could you define a miracle? a concrete example is how a mother carries and nurtures another living creature inside her. new life never fails to amaze me. can't wait to see you, baby! auntie cat is here for you :)

dear God, i am a big fan. i am a big fan of how you make little wonders each day. i am a fan of the magnanimous blessings. i am a fan of how you touch my life. i am a fan of how you teach me and mold me into becoming who catherine really is. i am a fan! :)

sugarol

last saturday, we went to the resort world casino upang umusyoso. hehehe. it's not my first time to go to the casino. we were not frequent visitors, but mama, kuya, and i went to "visit" the casino filipino for a couple of times. wow! couple of times. couple of times na ba ang 3? hehehe. i was never lucky in gambling.

mukang hindi na mauulit ang casino visit namin dito dahil naman, meyn! papasok ka pa lang, olats ka na! nakapaskil sa entrance:

100SGD - entrance fee for Permanent Residents and Singaporeans
2000SGD - Annual Fee

my toinks moment:
me (malabo ang mata, napasigaw. later on wishing i did not think aloud): wow! ang mahal naman ng bayad kapag may dala kang ANIMAL! 2000! bat naman ako magdadala ng ANIMAL sa casino?!?! edi iiwan ko na lang sa bahay!
april (tumawa, pero parang nairita): ANNUAL yun! magsalamin ka na nga!

bwahahaha bat kasi nagmamaganda at ayaw magsalamin :p

visitors have no entrance fee. april and i are PRs, kuya and wawin are not. so entrance pa lang, may cash out na agad kaming 200. wow talaga.

anyway, we went there to have some fun. at the top of our heads, we'll not spend more than 100 each inside the casino. so ayun, mega buy na kami ng chips. 400 all in all, tig 100 na taya kung saan mo gusto. kuya introduced us to the roulette. ang ganda pakinggan! pero in reality, para lang syang laro sa perya hehe. may roleta, papaikutin ang bola, hanggang patigilin sya ni gravity at ma-stuck sya sa isang number sa board. ang mga tao sa paligid ng mesa, bago tumigil ang bola, maglalagay ng chips sa hula nilang lalapagan ng bola. pwedeng odd, even, red, black, first 12, 2nd 12, etc., or yung single number mismo ang tayaan mo. yun ang pinakamalaking premyo - kapag nahulaan mo yung single number!

as i said, malas ako sa sugal, so si wawin ang pinaghawak ko ng 200 namin. sabi ko "wawin, bahala ka nang tumaya kung saan mo gusto pero bago tayo umuwi, itaya mo ako sa number 5. yun lang ang hiling ko."

haling na haling ang mga tao sa pagtaya! as in isang tayaan ay 1600! na nawawala na lang na parang bula kung mali ang hula mo. as in!

hay, inabot kami ng 6 na oras sa loob. mananalo, matatalo. paulit-ulit lang. hanggang nagsawa na kami, malapit nang umuwi. pinaalala ko kay wawin ang number 5 ko. na-tempt akong imbis na 2SGD chip ang ilagay, 25SGD na lang. pero nagpigil ako. sayang naman ang 25. pinigilan din ako ni wawin na tumaya sa single number, bagkus ay inudyok nya akong tumaya sa 1 to 6. ibig sabihin, mas mataas ang chance na manalo pero mas mababa ang premyo. fine. sige malas nga ako diba?

boom! lumabas ang 5! "akalain mo?" yan na lang ang nasabi ni wawin. hahaha. jackpot na sana :p as i say, malas ako!

wawin's toinks moment:
kuya: o ito ang roulette... blah blah blah
wawin (bumulong sa akin): roulette? yun ba yung russian roulette?
ako: win, may baril ata yung russian roulette e. hahaha!

so magkano ang nalustay?
caths: 100 (entrance) + 50 (bets) = 150
wawin: 50 (bets) = 50
kuya: bawi lang (bets) = 0
april: 100 (entrance) + bawi lang (bets) = 100

ayus. pwede na rin ;) uulit ka pa? hindi na po :)

numbers (and june ticket booked!)

three reasons i should go home this coming june:
1 - it's maumau's wedding on the 25th and i'm MOH. i love maumau. my soul and her soul were twins during college. they still are :) very evident in the similarities on certain details on our weddings.
2 - we're having our engagement pictorials. the plan is to have it in boracay since we both love beaches. but... we're also trying to trim down the expenses so we opted to go with plan b - aquatico - we fell in love with this resort! so nice! promise! we still have to deal with out-of-town charges for the photographer and makeup artist, though. so we'll see if we can have aquatico.
3 - i want to see mama and mike.

two reasons i missed the cebu pacific seat sale:
1 - i haven't asked for leave approval yet and the sale was only until 21st of feb.
2 - i'm starting to boycott cebu pacific. they did something terrible to my mom.

two reasons i booked with jetstar:
1 - they have a prosperity sale! i booked my ticket at only $240++.
2 - jetstar is not cebu pacific.

one thing you should not do on facebook:
1 - post how you feel during petty and major fights with your bf. i think cheesiness is tolerable but fights - no no. give the other person some respect and dignity :) and do you really want the whole to know that you are fighting? :p baka naman gusto mong sa pribado nyo na lang pag-usapan yan, or why not have an imaginary thought bubble? AND KEEP YOUR THOUGHT IN THE BUBBLE? sounds better? :) yup!

one how-did-that-happen moment:
1 - i am trying to trim down my guest list. target is 75. the original list that i have contains 85. this morning, i sat down and tried the impossible task of trimming down the guest list. from 85, i was able trim it down to 91. toinks! how did that happen?!?!?

one person i miss:
1 - you
walang kokontra. sabi ko pwedeng maging cheesy. :p

Facebook says...

he's been nagging me to change my status since last year. :p yes, call me the queen of pessimism. i think i've cultivated too much negative vibes in me. i wanted my status to remain as "single" so i won't have to go through the shame of having it changed back to single again if something went wrong. :p

now that we're almost halfway done with the preparations, maybe it's time to change the darned status. so there you go. :) medyo nagtatampo na sya, kasi parang wala lang daw hahaha.

i am not an active member of w@w. i've just been lurking for the past months. i haven't posted a single query, neither have i helped another bride-to-be by answering a question or posting a suggestion. i guess it's just my personality to always just be in the background.

so how did it all happen? since last, last year (i think), we've been talking about getting married.

i have a backup plan, though: to remain single until old age. i told God, "dear God, i really, really, really want to get married and have kids. if it's not in your will, then please allow me to age gracefully and build loving relationships with my mother, brothers, nieces, nephews, and friends. let me live a happy life, married or single."

marriage was all just a dim plan until october, 2009 when we finally informed my mom and his mom about it. again, nothing formal, we just let them know and asked for their blessings over a quiet dinner at golden fortune. basing from the reactions on their faces, i could tell they were shocked. maybe they really didn't see it coming. maybe they thought it was just a quiet dinner :p

shocked, yes. i didn't sense anything negative from both sides, though. mama and tita and tito were all very supportive from day 1 up to this moment.

getting kuya's approval was another problem (or so i thought). though i know that he will not say no, he shows his disapproval in ways that will let you feel "wag ko na lang kaya ituloy?" hehehe. God moves mountains. no doubt :) when mike went here last christmas season, kuya welcomed him. no questions asked, like nothing bad ever happened in the past. i love my family. i love how supportive they are. likewise, i love his family too. equal levels of support from both sides. blessings from God = overwhelming amount talaga. woohoo! thank you, papa God!

and hey, i have my ring :) he gave it to me last december after a very loooong walk in funan. he said, "don't worry, you'll be happy later." and then i knew that he'll give the ring on our scheduled singapore flyer ride. you see he's not so good in keeping surprises hehehe.

so the preparations began. at ten months to go, i think things are great. :)

we need prayers for a smooth preparation. credits to mike for being very hands on. sometimes i feel so helpless being away from him and being away from manila - the site of the wedding. he has no choice but to arrange things on his own. much more than smooth preparations, we need more prayers for a blissful married life after 10 months. :)

may we learn to accept our differences. may we learn to complement and compliment each other. may we learn to forgive and love unconditionally. may we learn to not sweat the small stuff, but just laugh at trivial, silly things. may we learn to correct each other in a loving manner, in a manner that does not hurt the other. may we learn to accept corrections in the hope of being a better person. may we learn to grow old gracefully with each other. may we learn the art of reading the thoughts of each other in times of danger and distress (inspiration: lily and marshall). may we learn to live and love :) so help us, God!

remnants

he was here for 5 days. five. precious. days. if that's all that we could have then i'll take it. :)

we spent a good amount of time shopping. i told him no more shopping next time he's here. sayang ang miles. we could have just strolled to cool places or talked or enjoyed silly stuff instead of doing the less glamorous art of shopping. i never enjoyed shopping :p

moments like these remind me that i somehow have a bf :p whatever. hehe.

and now he's gone. i'm used to being away, yes. but somehow, seeing little things brings back good memories. i'm not sure if it makes me happy or sad seeing them. happy because we shared good times. sad because it's just temporary.

the towel that he borrowed from me on his last day still hangs on the terrace.

his unfinished pack of calbee chips is still in the ref.

his green cross alcohol is on the table. he left it because the bottle is broken.

the bed sheets that we used are still unwashed in the hamper. in fact, i'm still using the pillow case that we used.

he didn't bring home the souvenirs that he bought for his friends. how could he if they weigh 10 million kilos? hehe

there's this little stool that he brought out on the shoe rack area because he had a hard time time tying his shoes. must be the belly :p

little things. magnificent effect on my emotions.

the goal is to see each other again on feb.

cheers to a good year, cheers to forever! *wink*

saturday extravaganza

saturday was special! pamper day and social day for me.

first stop was my facial. i think it has been more than a year since
my last facial. masakit. dumugo... ang mga pimples kong pinutok ni
ate. awww... but i love the feeling of facial massages! and someone
else removing whiteheads for you!

second stop was cafe cartel lunch. i was a bit disappointed with the
baby back ribs. where did all the flavor go? mistulang nilaga lang
ang ribs at pinunasan ng bbq sauce. whatever happened to marinate?
haha! nevertheless, it was a good meal. masaya naman. mushroom pasta
was also good.

third stop was pedi session with april. i have to salute ate for
being tough to my stubborn calluses. whew she was so tyaga. i think
she's the most meticulous pedi girl i've met. i swear, nakayod talaga
ang kalyo ko! cheers to ate's tough skills!

and last stop was the ubs dnd at the arena in clark quay. it was an
anap night. music, food, performance, raffle winners, etc. the
favorite phrase was "lahi na naman nila?" hehe. anyway, it was a fun
night. we danced like we were free-spirited creatures! susme arte
lang. the interaction with other groups was great. i need more
mingle lessons maybe. hehe

the day was good :) simething different :) nyt!

ion

december 1 na! this pic was taken inside (yes, inside) the christmas
tree in ion, orchard. love it! the tree was magnificent from outside.
it was more spectacular inside!

last christmas, our family was all over the world haha! ma and win in
tarlac and we were here in sg. this year, we are one! full force here
in sg!

soon, i will have a niece (95% sure she's a she). there are some
things i wish she could experience. christmas and childhood -
definitely a sweet combination.

* hot chocolate c/o lola... it's not instant. it's semi-instant. ricoa
cocoa powder boiled to perfection and blended with evaporated milk and
sugar. this concoction is only prepared during christmas. 100%
guaranteed to melt your worries away!

* putu-bumbomg after simbang gabi... i've seen how they shrink little
by little but the essence and yumyum factor stayed the same. comfort
food!

* christmas stockings... i can't recall how old i was when i found out
my parents have been deceiving me about the whole santa-gives-you-
presents-and-he-puts-them-in-socks thing. haha! but it was the best
deception i've ever had! santa is santa and every kid should be made
to believe in such magic and love.

* star city... unsafe? maybe. but it was a tradition for me and my
cousins. so what if the ground is dusty? so what if you ride the same
stuff year after year? star city is no disney land but it sure was a
wonder land for us when we were kids.

* pamamasko... on christmas day, the camacho cousins (all 6 of us)
would go around our neighbors and family friends to ask for pamasko
aka money. we were neatly dressed and we would knock on their doors
and it was understood that they would have to give us money. :) richy
rich on christmas day!

* carols... i never experienced this - as in the authentic caroling
with improvised tamborine (made of tansans) and drums (made of tin
cans and plastic bag). thank you, thank you ang babarat/babait ninyo,
thank you! nope, i never tried this and i regret it!

dear bebigurl, we await for your coming. may you experience the
wonders of christmas as we did years ago! mwah!

remembering

magandang linggo

all's well today. i could say this sunday is the perfect ending for my week. i also declare that this sunday is a perfect beginning for the coming week. domino effect. day 1 is perfect, the rest of the days will be perfect too. :)

the day started with a wonderful lunch shared with friends. it was myr's birthday. we went to the end of the world :p in choa chu kang to visit their lovely home. who says mature love can't be thrilling? i heard super kilig stories today and it was like watching a romantic comedy movie. cheers to love!

i feel like a prodigal daughter... after how many months, i went to worship again. it feels sooooo good. every time i turn away, He still pursues me over and over again. i have an overwhelming desire in my heart but circumstances don't allow me to sing and shout out my love. i love the feeling of euphoria when i sing out and dance and clap and worship and thank and praise Him... i love the fresh, angelic faces and smiles of the most kind-hearted souls i've ever met... if only i could...

though many times i run from you in shame

i lift my hands and call upon your name

for underneath the shadow of your wings

my melody is you

we went biking in east coast today. we saw this wake boarding stuff again. i swear, one of these days, i'll try this! ;) i love biking! i love the feel of the wind blowing on my face and on my hair. i love the thrill when i go speeding down on an incline. i love the feeling of tiredness after the long ride.

i

love

this

sunday!

:)

friday madness

in 30 minutes, it's officially friday! i love fridays. i could barely count the times i stayed late at work on a friday. for me, it's the perfect way out from all things chaotic and and stressful.

friday doesn't mean i could sleep longer on saturday. my brother is a health buff and he "forces" us to jog or bike on saturday mornings, which i don't really mind. i love it too!

i don't have energy and will to work 100% on fridays.

i buy a yummy breakfast on fridays.

i try to eat out for lunch too!

and i do the grand escape on the dot!

come to mama, friday!

kuskus therapy

i once read from someone's facebook status: i can't sleep so i cleaned the bathroom. and others commented that cleaning the bathroom is a good therapy for stress. i thought that it's not a bad idea.

i tried it last week. after having another late night at work, i scrubbed the shower walls and floor before taking a bath. it was magic! i felt good afterwards! i felt that it was a sponge that absorbed all the negative emotions and thoughts inside of me. i came out of the bath feeling very relaxed and renewed.

i felt a little inis over something today. i almost gave in and sulked but then i remembered the kuskus therapy. so i diverted all my energy to mopping the kitchen floor... and to scrubbing the shower again. i loved it! i think, with all the energy that i waste on thinking about all things negative, why not transform it into something positive? why will i cultivate something not good in my mind and in my heart? ma-atake pa ako. i'm not getting younger. in fact, i'm eagerly anticipating the first time i'll see a white hair on my head. that will be the day i will say, "i'm old and i don't mind!" but that's another story.

i love it that i learned a wonderful trick this week. we cannot control all things around us. stress or anger or depression or sadness might be here to stay, but i realized that cultivating them inside me might transform me into a beast. i imagine being a gracious host to a parasite. the more you feed it, the more it grows and leads to worse things. i could always divert my energy into something worthwhile and productive, i guess. cheers to a clean bathroom and to a happy heart!

what is tranquility?

forgetting the things you left undone

going for a swim whenever you feel like it

strolling by the bay

sitting on the sand

and on cozy beach chairs!

watching the waves engulf your painted toe nails

drinking a beer or two at night

watching tv 'til you fall asleep

looking all around you and everything you see is wonderful

long drives

holding hands

while walking

not working (for a while)

eating good food

having good conversation

and good laughs

forgetting all things that are stressful and bad for the health

* pic taken at aquatico, laiya batangas. i loved it there! the place is ideal for an intimate crowd. staff courteous and accommodating. great infinity pool. good beach. will i ever consider going back? definitely :)

at home

i was at home last oct 7 to 11 (wow 7-11!) to attend joy's wedding and to have a short holiday as well. when we were having breakfast on the 7th, i was really happy and nostalgic to see our dining table still arranged this way - old, lace table runner and all! and look at the plate and utensils! they belonged to my lola (still does, i think... RIP, lola). as a proof, there are her initials on the plate and fork. FLC - florentina de leon camacho. awww... very special keepsakes.

my lola was a frugal lady. as an effect, she was very masinop of the little things that she has. i remember watching her carefully fold her umbrella. it was creaseless, i tell you! it was the same umbrella she used through the years. i wish i got this good trait. i am never careful of my things :p burara? yes. even my mom, who should be my number 1 fan, tells me outright: "ang burara mo!" haha. sorry!

starching lola's clothes is another story. even pambahay dusters were starched and ironed to perfection! i am belittled in my gula-gulanit shirts and shorts. i don't know... i just don't have this fondness in looking presentable when i'm "just" at home. i feel you have to be stripped off of everything superficial when you are at home. that's just me. so a surprise visit is always a nightmare for me. let's just say, i don't look at my best :p (but do i ever? hehe)

i roamed around the house and i was really happy that the good, old memories came alive. this was where i had my first thoughts as a child, this was where i studied for school exams, this was my sanctuary when i was already working. this is simply home. i wonder if i will still live here in the future :) i won't mind, i guess... as long as i don't stay there alone. can i have mama and kuya and win? just like the old days :) nice.

mama visits the house from time to time. she says she always gets sad thinking of those days when we were still a complete family :( sunday, we all eat breakfast. every night, we would sit at the living room and watch tv. we would fight over washing dishes when cecil is on leave. everyday was a happy day.

now this post made me sad too. why do we have to be away from home? why do we have to be apart? :(

sleepless

it's the time for worries again. i can't sleep. i am thinking about the work i left behind and the work that is waiting for me tom. when can i be worry-free? i feel there's just too much to be done.

i want to be free from worries. maybe i just need to learn to handle things differently. maybe i just need to relax in the middle of tension. be like a bamboo - sway with the chaos of a storm. sturdy yet gentle, never snapping despite the harsh winds that try to dismantle it.

i need to convince myself more that things will be alright and that things will be done... i could start by commanding some sleep into my system now. shut down mode. tomorrow i will conquer the world. i promise!

hhwwmpssp

i took this shot on my way home last week. i got off the bus with the girl in the picture and her lover boy was waiting for her on the bus stop. she seemed surprised and delighted to see him waiting there. then they started to walk the long walk home. i stayed behind them because i was desperate to take their photo. i have no talent in taking pictures but you don't need talent to capture love :)

they look so cute :)

and i wonder why i have to be away from someone who could have been holding my hand everyday while i walk. it's hard to be apart and i don't like the fact that i just got used to the feeling of being away from each other. most people don't have faith in LDRs, i'm not sure what keeps me holding on too, but i just keep on going just the same.

i have simple desires in the love department. waking up knowing he's so near. having long walks and talks. yes, hhwwmpssp. giving and receiving butterfly kisses. watching tv beside him. going out on weekends towards anywhere or nowhere. bumming around. having hand massages. eating and laughing together. sharing gossip. all so simple yet i can't have them everyday because of the i'm-here-and-you're-there drama.

there's always a right time for everything. it may come or it may not. if there's one thing that i remember in high school religion class, it's the fact that NO is an answer from God too. it doesn't mean He didn't answer. He simply said NO. He hasn't said no yet, btw. i'll just sit still here and you stay put there... and for now, just hope for our hhwwmpssp moments to come... soon.

productive (somehow)

it's the first time this weekend that i feel productive :)

i planned to do some work over this weekend. but heck, it's weekend! have a life! work is not life, so why have work on a weekend? work could wait until tomorrow. there's a right time and venue for everything and weekend at home is not the right one.

so i lazed around last saturday. i didn't do anything! i didn't even do the laundry and i didn't clean the bathroom (it's my turn). it's also my turn to cook food but there are still a lot of leftover food from last friday. what a perfect day!

sunday, still the same lazy mood. we just went to hear mass and shop for groceries for the weekday dinners.

i finally became productive for once this weekend! i prepared pinaputok na tilapia and embutido and it's all done :) yay!

tatlong tulog na lang

i'm coming home to attend joy's wedding. i thought it's also a good time to unwind and have a break from work. yes, we're in the middle of execution and i'm leaving all the work for now -- in the good hands of my colleague. :) it's time for a break. well, they allowed me to have a three-day break so i guess it's not that bad. i could have a guilt-free holiday :)

i am wondering what manila looks like after the storm.

i hope we could all sing:

the rain has stopped

the storm has passed

look at all the colors

now the sun's here at last

:)

life goes on. it might not be an easy start but we all have to start at one point again after a fall.

i'm still confused about some things. and i feel guilty that i am confused. i shouldn't be confused. :( i am so sorry.

off to play a little cake mania before i start 1 of 3 tulogs left... night night world!

damdamins

• pain - my head has been aching since yesterday. might be due to waking up at the wrong side of the bed. maybe not. heck, it's all in the mind.
• less - i feel i could have done more. i feel i could still do more. what's stopping me? the lack of initiative, maybe? too many things running in my mind. i'm thinking too much. i feel it's not enough to do it just this one time. it's supposed to be a continuous thing.
• confusion - i like to but something is stopping me. i yearn for it but at the same time i feel lazy, maybe more of ashamed, to push it through. when i'm there, i'm there. but when i'm not, i'm not. get it? sigh.
• uncertainty - do i have to do it even if i'm not 100% convinced that i want to do it? i almost put it to a halt on a certain day. i was thinking it's not what i want. but why am i still there?
• excitement - 3 more nights and i'll be home (or what's left of home). i'm excited to see my loved ones. i'm excited to see the positive, hopeful faces of people... despite the hardships in the past days.
• stress - so many things to do. so little time. so many responsibilities, so little strength and ability.

where is positive energy when i need it most? i want to run and break free... but i can't... ugh. still so negative! so what's stopping me? from doing what? i don't know. :) what do i want, really?

i want to do things that i like to do! but what are these things? :-S phone a friend...

blessed

the events that happened this weekend are a bit surreal. everything falls down to the same feeling of being blessed.

a few days ago, i posted a status in facebook that i don't really get all the F1 hype and i'm not into it. something to that effect. friday afternoon, just when the work week was about to conclude, our manager approached me and asked me if i'm interested to watch F1. she said our agency bought tickets and gave it away to employees. why not? to see what the buzz is all about, i accepted the ticket. the catch is, there's only 1 ticket. i have 4 other housemates. hehe. hey, it's a blessing and you don't say no to blessings. we'll figure something out, i thought, and got the pass.

we found out that all 5 of us could see the friday practice race if we took turns to go inside. not bad :). we let erwin go in first. we were waiting for him when 3 filipinas approached us and gave us -- FOUR COMPLIMENTARY TICKETS! just like that! we were just standing there! i can't believe our luck! we all ended up watching the practice race! it's not that bad! there's a sense of excitement seeing the cars pass by vaguely. hehe. but we all had a good time even if it's just the practice night. i still would not shell out a fortune just to watch something like this, but i liked the experience. :) thanks to all the generous people, i was able to see what's beyond the broom broom and speed.

we still could not get over our luck the next day when the news about ondoy spread. here we are, feeling an overwhelming blast of blessings, and on the other side of the world, a lot of people are drowning and grasping for just a tiny drop of blessing. :( God saves.

amazed

i love the feeling of amazement!

i feel amazed when i see something unique for the first time.

at times, i feel amazed for no reason at all.

like staring at a fountain like this!

all those cool waves and bubbles and squirts!

to think it's just water and air and pressure!

my attention was diverted to this little girl who was also staring at the splashing water.

i wonder who's more dumbfounded? this little girl looking at the fountain, or me looking at her look at the fountain? :)

my pathetic attempt for nail art

bunga ng kawalan ng magagawa noong nakaraang lunes (holiday), heto't masdan ang kalokohan ko :)) ang nais ko sana'y bulaklak subalit hindi sila mukhang bulaklak! mukha lang silang mga tuldok o paru-parong napisat. hay.

di ko pa rin tinatanggal. saka na :)) pero di ko na uulitin ito. pramis.

lowlows and lowlas

i was going home one night when i chanced to walk with this lola. she was walking rather quickly. i figured she has more stamina than i do! she's very fit for her age, i must say.

today, i watched wonder mom and learned that we are celebrating grandparents' day. i only have one lola left. she is mom's mom and she is spending the sunset days of her life in mindoro.

now, i think back to the days i spent with my lolos and lolas. some memorable notes:

• when i was 6 months old, mama and papa brought me and left me in mindoro for a few months. lola ading and lolo tyago took care of me. they wanted to preserve this duyan that i used but unfortunately, a fire hit the house and destroyed the dear souvenir. when they brought me back to manila, i was this big, fat baby! that was the only time in my life when i became fat. :p
• lolo pepe taught me how to read. he also taught me how to ride the bike. i remember going for a vacation in my cousins' house in bf. i always regarded them as the "rich ones" because they live in this beautiful subdivision where you can learn to ride the bike. in our humble barangay, you sort of endanger your life if you ride the bike because of the deadly tricycles :)) lolo pepe also took us jogging in the nearby multinational village and took us to motorcycle rides (without helmets)! it was cool (and dangerous)!
• lola floring taught me the proper way of washing undies. she also taught me how to iron clothes, cross stitch for or elementary project, a little bit of the basics of cooking and cutting the ingredients, how to properly sweep the floor, how to make paste out of gawgaw, the basics of sewing and using a sewing machine. in short, the little household things that i never knew would matter until now that i'm all grown up. not that i'm an expert! but it doesn't hurt to know even just the "basics". lola never even went to high school and everything she knew, she learned by experience and passed them all in some ways to her grandchildren.

i feel i am lucky to have experienced an overflowing love from grandparents from both sides. i want to grow old and see my grandchildren too. they say you'll love your grandchildren more than you love your own children :p it might be true and i'm excited to experience that love!

poor crabs

spotted at shengshiong supermarket: poor crabs! it's not so visible in the pic, but nakagapos sila! susme kawawa naman... ikaw na ang igapos!

dugyot

look at my hair! it has this not-so-attractive shade of rusty brown! mistulang laking tabing-dagat. hahaha! i put it beside my black pants and found the remarkable difference. eeew.. :)) i've never tried to have color treatment. maybe it's all damaged because of the rebonding every year or so.

perfect sunday breakfast

yummy breakfast for sunday:

• pancakes
• bacon
• syrup
• marmalade
• cold chocolate
• ketchup. ketchup?!? hehe naligaw lang.

i realized these are remnants of mama's presence :( she requested for these while she was still here.