friday madness

in 30 minutes, it's officially friday! i love fridays. i could barely count the times i stayed late at work on a friday. for me, it's the perfect way out from all things chaotic and and stressful.

friday doesn't mean i could sleep longer on saturday. my brother is a health buff and he "forces" us to jog or bike on saturday mornings, which i don't really mind. i love it too!

i don't have energy and will to work 100% on fridays.

i buy a yummy breakfast on fridays.

i try to eat out for lunch too!

and i do the grand escape on the dot!

come to mama, friday!

kuskus therapy

i once read from someone's facebook status: i can't sleep so i cleaned the bathroom. and others commented that cleaning the bathroom is a good therapy for stress. i thought that it's not a bad idea.

i tried it last week. after having another late night at work, i scrubbed the shower walls and floor before taking a bath. it was magic! i felt good afterwards! i felt that it was a sponge that absorbed all the negative emotions and thoughts inside of me. i came out of the bath feeling very relaxed and renewed.

i felt a little inis over something today. i almost gave in and sulked but then i remembered the kuskus therapy. so i diverted all my energy to mopping the kitchen floor... and to scrubbing the shower again. i loved it! i think, with all the energy that i waste on thinking about all things negative, why not transform it into something positive? why will i cultivate something not good in my mind and in my heart? ma-atake pa ako. i'm not getting younger. in fact, i'm eagerly anticipating the first time i'll see a white hair on my head. that will be the day i will say, "i'm old and i don't mind!" but that's another story.

i love it that i learned a wonderful trick this week. we cannot control all things around us. stress or anger or depression or sadness might be here to stay, but i realized that cultivating them inside me might transform me into a beast. i imagine being a gracious host to a parasite. the more you feed it, the more it grows and leads to worse things. i could always divert my energy into something worthwhile and productive, i guess. cheers to a clean bathroom and to a happy heart!

what is tranquility?

forgetting the things you left undone

going for a swim whenever you feel like it

strolling by the bay

sitting on the sand

and on cozy beach chairs!

watching the waves engulf your painted toe nails

drinking a beer or two at night

watching tv 'til you fall asleep

looking all around you and everything you see is wonderful

long drives

holding hands

while walking

not working (for a while)

eating good food

having good conversation

and good laughs

forgetting all things that are stressful and bad for the health

* pic taken at aquatico, laiya batangas. i loved it there! the place is ideal for an intimate crowd. staff courteous and accommodating. great infinity pool. good beach. will i ever consider going back? definitely :)

at home

i was at home last oct 7 to 11 (wow 7-11!) to attend joy's wedding and to have a short holiday as well. when we were having breakfast on the 7th, i was really happy and nostalgic to see our dining table still arranged this way - old, lace table runner and all! and look at the plate and utensils! they belonged to my lola (still does, i think... RIP, lola). as a proof, there are her initials on the plate and fork. FLC - florentina de leon camacho. awww... very special keepsakes.

my lola was a frugal lady. as an effect, she was very masinop of the little things that she has. i remember watching her carefully fold her umbrella. it was creaseless, i tell you! it was the same umbrella she used through the years. i wish i got this good trait. i am never careful of my things :p burara? yes. even my mom, who should be my number 1 fan, tells me outright: "ang burara mo!" haha. sorry!

starching lola's clothes is another story. even pambahay dusters were starched and ironed to perfection! i am belittled in my gula-gulanit shirts and shorts. i don't know... i just don't have this fondness in looking presentable when i'm "just" at home. i feel you have to be stripped off of everything superficial when you are at home. that's just me. so a surprise visit is always a nightmare for me. let's just say, i don't look at my best :p (but do i ever? hehe)

i roamed around the house and i was really happy that the good, old memories came alive. this was where i had my first thoughts as a child, this was where i studied for school exams, this was my sanctuary when i was already working. this is simply home. i wonder if i will still live here in the future :) i won't mind, i guess... as long as i don't stay there alone. can i have mama and kuya and win? just like the old days :) nice.

mama visits the house from time to time. she says she always gets sad thinking of those days when we were still a complete family :( sunday, we all eat breakfast. every night, we would sit at the living room and watch tv. we would fight over washing dishes when cecil is on leave. everyday was a happy day.

now this post made me sad too. why do we have to be away from home? why do we have to be apart? :(

sleepless

it's the time for worries again. i can't sleep. i am thinking about the work i left behind and the work that is waiting for me tom. when can i be worry-free? i feel there's just too much to be done.

i want to be free from worries. maybe i just need to learn to handle things differently. maybe i just need to relax in the middle of tension. be like a bamboo - sway with the chaos of a storm. sturdy yet gentle, never snapping despite the harsh winds that try to dismantle it.

i need to convince myself more that things will be alright and that things will be done... i could start by commanding some sleep into my system now. shut down mode. tomorrow i will conquer the world. i promise!

hhwwmpssp

i took this shot on my way home last week. i got off the bus with the girl in the picture and her lover boy was waiting for her on the bus stop. she seemed surprised and delighted to see him waiting there. then they started to walk the long walk home. i stayed behind them because i was desperate to take their photo. i have no talent in taking pictures but you don't need talent to capture love :)

they look so cute :)

and i wonder why i have to be away from someone who could have been holding my hand everyday while i walk. it's hard to be apart and i don't like the fact that i just got used to the feeling of being away from each other. most people don't have faith in LDRs, i'm not sure what keeps me holding on too, but i just keep on going just the same.

i have simple desires in the love department. waking up knowing he's so near. having long walks and talks. yes, hhwwmpssp. giving and receiving butterfly kisses. watching tv beside him. going out on weekends towards anywhere or nowhere. bumming around. having hand massages. eating and laughing together. sharing gossip. all so simple yet i can't have them everyday because of the i'm-here-and-you're-there drama.

there's always a right time for everything. it may come or it may not. if there's one thing that i remember in high school religion class, it's the fact that NO is an answer from God too. it doesn't mean He didn't answer. He simply said NO. He hasn't said no yet, btw. i'll just sit still here and you stay put there... and for now, just hope for our hhwwmpssp moments to come... soon.

productive (somehow)

it's the first time this weekend that i feel productive :)

i planned to do some work over this weekend. but heck, it's weekend! have a life! work is not life, so why have work on a weekend? work could wait until tomorrow. there's a right time and venue for everything and weekend at home is not the right one.

so i lazed around last saturday. i didn't do anything! i didn't even do the laundry and i didn't clean the bathroom (it's my turn). it's also my turn to cook food but there are still a lot of leftover food from last friday. what a perfect day!

sunday, still the same lazy mood. we just went to hear mass and shop for groceries for the weekday dinners.

i finally became productive for once this weekend! i prepared pinaputok na tilapia and embutido and it's all done :) yay!

tatlong tulog na lang

i'm coming home to attend joy's wedding. i thought it's also a good time to unwind and have a break from work. yes, we're in the middle of execution and i'm leaving all the work for now -- in the good hands of my colleague. :) it's time for a break. well, they allowed me to have a three-day break so i guess it's not that bad. i could have a guilt-free holiday :)

i am wondering what manila looks like after the storm.

i hope we could all sing:

the rain has stopped

the storm has passed

look at all the colors

now the sun's here at last

:)

life goes on. it might not be an easy start but we all have to start at one point again after a fall.

i'm still confused about some things. and i feel guilty that i am confused. i shouldn't be confused. :( i am so sorry.

off to play a little cake mania before i start 1 of 3 tulogs left... night night world!

damdamins

• pain - my head has been aching since yesterday. might be due to waking up at the wrong side of the bed. maybe not. heck, it's all in the mind.
• less - i feel i could have done more. i feel i could still do more. what's stopping me? the lack of initiative, maybe? too many things running in my mind. i'm thinking too much. i feel it's not enough to do it just this one time. it's supposed to be a continuous thing.
• confusion - i like to but something is stopping me. i yearn for it but at the same time i feel lazy, maybe more of ashamed, to push it through. when i'm there, i'm there. but when i'm not, i'm not. get it? sigh.
• uncertainty - do i have to do it even if i'm not 100% convinced that i want to do it? i almost put it to a halt on a certain day. i was thinking it's not what i want. but why am i still there?
• excitement - 3 more nights and i'll be home (or what's left of home). i'm excited to see my loved ones. i'm excited to see the positive, hopeful faces of people... despite the hardships in the past days.
• stress - so many things to do. so little time. so many responsibilities, so little strength and ability.

where is positive energy when i need it most? i want to run and break free... but i can't... ugh. still so negative! so what's stopping me? from doing what? i don't know. :) what do i want, really?

i want to do things that i like to do! but what are these things? :-S phone a friend...

blessed

the events that happened this weekend are a bit surreal. everything falls down to the same feeling of being blessed.

a few days ago, i posted a status in facebook that i don't really get all the F1 hype and i'm not into it. something to that effect. friday afternoon, just when the work week was about to conclude, our manager approached me and asked me if i'm interested to watch F1. she said our agency bought tickets and gave it away to employees. why not? to see what the buzz is all about, i accepted the ticket. the catch is, there's only 1 ticket. i have 4 other housemates. hehe. hey, it's a blessing and you don't say no to blessings. we'll figure something out, i thought, and got the pass.

we found out that all 5 of us could see the friday practice race if we took turns to go inside. not bad :). we let erwin go in first. we were waiting for him when 3 filipinas approached us and gave us -- FOUR COMPLIMENTARY TICKETS! just like that! we were just standing there! i can't believe our luck! we all ended up watching the practice race! it's not that bad! there's a sense of excitement seeing the cars pass by vaguely. hehe. but we all had a good time even if it's just the practice night. i still would not shell out a fortune just to watch something like this, but i liked the experience. :) thanks to all the generous people, i was able to see what's beyond the broom broom and speed.

we still could not get over our luck the next day when the news about ondoy spread. here we are, feeling an overwhelming blast of blessings, and on the other side of the world, a lot of people are drowning and grasping for just a tiny drop of blessing. :( God saves.

amazed

i love the feeling of amazement!

i feel amazed when i see something unique for the first time.

at times, i feel amazed for no reason at all.

like staring at a fountain like this!

all those cool waves and bubbles and squirts!

to think it's just water and air and pressure!

my attention was diverted to this little girl who was also staring at the splashing water.

i wonder who's more dumbfounded? this little girl looking at the fountain, or me looking at her look at the fountain? :)

my pathetic attempt for nail art

bunga ng kawalan ng magagawa noong nakaraang lunes (holiday), heto't masdan ang kalokohan ko :)) ang nais ko sana'y bulaklak subalit hindi sila mukhang bulaklak! mukha lang silang mga tuldok o paru-parong napisat. hay.

di ko pa rin tinatanggal. saka na :)) pero di ko na uulitin ito. pramis.

lowlows and lowlas

i was going home one night when i chanced to walk with this lola. she was walking rather quickly. i figured she has more stamina than i do! she's very fit for her age, i must say.

today, i watched wonder mom and learned that we are celebrating grandparents' day. i only have one lola left. she is mom's mom and she is spending the sunset days of her life in mindoro.

now, i think back to the days i spent with my lolos and lolas. some memorable notes:

• when i was 6 months old, mama and papa brought me and left me in mindoro for a few months. lola ading and lolo tyago took care of me. they wanted to preserve this duyan that i used but unfortunately, a fire hit the house and destroyed the dear souvenir. when they brought me back to manila, i was this big, fat baby! that was the only time in my life when i became fat. :p
• lolo pepe taught me how to read. he also taught me how to ride the bike. i remember going for a vacation in my cousins' house in bf. i always regarded them as the "rich ones" because they live in this beautiful subdivision where you can learn to ride the bike. in our humble barangay, you sort of endanger your life if you ride the bike because of the deadly tricycles :)) lolo pepe also took us jogging in the nearby multinational village and took us to motorcycle rides (without helmets)! it was cool (and dangerous)!
• lola floring taught me the proper way of washing undies. she also taught me how to iron clothes, cross stitch for or elementary project, a little bit of the basics of cooking and cutting the ingredients, how to properly sweep the floor, how to make paste out of gawgaw, the basics of sewing and using a sewing machine. in short, the little household things that i never knew would matter until now that i'm all grown up. not that i'm an expert! but it doesn't hurt to know even just the "basics". lola never even went to high school and everything she knew, she learned by experience and passed them all in some ways to her grandchildren.

i feel i am lucky to have experienced an overflowing love from grandparents from both sides. i want to grow old and see my grandchildren too. they say you'll love your grandchildren more than you love your own children :p it might be true and i'm excited to experience that love!

poor crabs

spotted at shengshiong supermarket: poor crabs! it's not so visible in the pic, but nakagapos sila! susme kawawa naman... ikaw na ang igapos!

dugyot

look at my hair! it has this not-so-attractive shade of rusty brown! mistulang laking tabing-dagat. hahaha! i put it beside my black pants and found the remarkable difference. eeew.. :)) i've never tried to have color treatment. maybe it's all damaged because of the rebonding every year or so.

perfect sunday breakfast

yummy breakfast for sunday:

• pancakes
• bacon
• syrup
• marmalade
• cold chocolate
• ketchup. ketchup?!? hehe naligaw lang.

i realized these are remnants of mama's presence :( she requested for these while she was still here.

wonderful

while waiting for the bus, i found a feeding frenzy among this flock
of birds. isn't this a wonder? :)

rainy days and headaches always make me cry

sunday rainy day! i don't hate rainy days anymore. i am no longer
affected by the gloomy atmosphere it brings but accompany it with a
terrible headache and it's a different story. i hate it!

welcome to the family

dear april, welcome to our family!

yesterday, august 29, marked the beginning of my kuya's family life. on days like this, ihinahihiya ko ang pagiging iyakin ko.

it was a very intimate event. we felt blessed with the presence of around 55 guests who were also happy to witness the union of 2 lives and souls. during the ceremony, i was the lector and one of the witnesses. 'di ko malaman kung anong espiritu ang sumapi sakin at naiyak ako sa second reading! grabe nakakahiya ang ginawa ko. the guests and the priest were all bewildered (and shocked, probably) why my voice croaked like crazy while reading. ewan. i was moved deeply by the reading. i felt it is the very manual of how a married couple (and every human being too) should live and love - then the world will become a paradise.

come signing of the contract, father pointed his finger to where i should sign. i clearly saw the spot on the paper. ewan ulit kung anong espiritu na naman ang sumapi at ibang spot ang pinirmahan ko. nairita ata si father. "ayayay! i said here!" hahaha sorry! wag init ulo, father.

i loved the reception. everybody loved the food and they had a very simple program courtesy of donna, pam, nerie. at the start of the program, the guests showered the couple with confetti made out of ehem, ikea napkins. hahaha! it was a last minute effort to prepare the confetti. mama, erwin, erika, and i manually cut these paper towels into tiny bits para may maisaboy sa couple at the grand entrance. i love it!

sa wedding toast, syempre gumawa na naman ako ng eksena... susme kinahihiya ko na talagang iyakin ako. i haven't even started yet, umiiyak na ako! ano ba yan. pero i felt i said what i had to say, i affirmed them both for being wonderful persons individually and i wish, the same way as every guest does, that the union will last forever. i am very happy that april came to grace kuya's life. i know he lived in a dark spot once in his life, and now he is vibrant and alive again. i am also an expecting auntie! yahoo!

some more pics:

i love the makeup artist, noel! he's so chika and fun to be with! he is not just a makeup artist but an instant wedding coordinator na rin. i feel it's not all about the money for him because he feels the same way that this must be a grand event and he's so concerned about everything. after the reception he even stayed at the hotel for a few hours to entertain us! susme. i just love him!

this is my sister-in-law, april, with my other soon-to-be-sister-in-law, erika. now, i have 2 sisters!

trivia: april's gown was rented from a boutique here in singapore. people here are shocked to learn that in the philippines, we buy wedding gowns and suits. apparently, the trend here is just to get a package that consists of photo and video coverage, rentals of gowns and suits, bridal car, and others. isn't it practical? i like the concept.

oh, april's bolero was hand-sewn by her mom. i like it!

while waiting for the bride and groom.

here are the girls! the 2 purple gowns were bought from a boutique here. perfect fit except for the length. mama and tita's gowns sort of matched too. they bought it from manila. in the end, everything looked kind of coordinated.

i think and feel it was a perfect wedding :)

ispeysyal

breakfast baons are extra special for the past week. why? mama
prepared them!!!

sticker says: made with love

awww...