remnants

he was here for 5 days. five. precious. days. if that's all that we could have then i'll take it. :)

we spent a good amount of time shopping. i told him no more shopping next time he's here. sayang ang miles. we could have just strolled to cool places or talked or enjoyed silly stuff instead of doing the less glamorous art of shopping. i never enjoyed shopping :p

moments like these remind me that i somehow have a bf :p whatever. hehe.

and now he's gone. i'm used to being away, yes. but somehow, seeing little things brings back good memories. i'm not sure if it makes me happy or sad seeing them. happy because we shared good times. sad because it's just temporary.

the towel that he borrowed from me on his last day still hangs on the terrace.

his unfinished pack of calbee chips is still in the ref.

his green cross alcohol is on the table. he left it because the bottle is broken.

the bed sheets that we used are still unwashed in the hamper. in fact, i'm still using the pillow case that we used.

he didn't bring home the souvenirs that he bought for his friends. how could he if they weigh 10 million kilos? hehe

there's this little stool that he brought out on the shoe rack area because he had a hard time time tying his shoes. must be the belly :p

little things. magnificent effect on my emotions.

the goal is to see each other again on feb.

cheers to a good year, cheers to forever! *wink*

saturday extravaganza

saturday was special! pamper day and social day for me.

first stop was my facial. i think it has been more than a year since
my last facial. masakit. dumugo... ang mga pimples kong pinutok ni
ate. awww... but i love the feeling of facial massages! and someone
else removing whiteheads for you!

second stop was cafe cartel lunch. i was a bit disappointed with the
baby back ribs. where did all the flavor go? mistulang nilaga lang
ang ribs at pinunasan ng bbq sauce. whatever happened to marinate?
haha! nevertheless, it was a good meal. masaya naman. mushroom pasta
was also good.

third stop was pedi session with april. i have to salute ate for
being tough to my stubborn calluses. whew she was so tyaga. i think
she's the most meticulous pedi girl i've met. i swear, nakayod talaga
ang kalyo ko! cheers to ate's tough skills!

and last stop was the ubs dnd at the arena in clark quay. it was an
anap night. music, food, performance, raffle winners, etc. the
favorite phrase was "lahi na naman nila?" hehe. anyway, it was a fun
night. we danced like we were free-spirited creatures! susme arte
lang. the interaction with other groups was great. i need more
mingle lessons maybe. hehe

the day was good :) simething different :) nyt!

ion

december 1 na! this pic was taken inside (yes, inside) the christmas
tree in ion, orchard. love it! the tree was magnificent from outside.
it was more spectacular inside!

last christmas, our family was all over the world haha! ma and win in
tarlac and we were here in sg. this year, we are one! full force here
in sg!

soon, i will have a niece (95% sure she's a she). there are some
things i wish she could experience. christmas and childhood -
definitely a sweet combination.

* hot chocolate c/o lola... it's not instant. it's semi-instant. ricoa
cocoa powder boiled to perfection and blended with evaporated milk and
sugar. this concoction is only prepared during christmas. 100%
guaranteed to melt your worries away!

* putu-bumbomg after simbang gabi... i've seen how they shrink little
by little but the essence and yumyum factor stayed the same. comfort
food!

* christmas stockings... i can't recall how old i was when i found out
my parents have been deceiving me about the whole santa-gives-you-
presents-and-he-puts-them-in-socks thing. haha! but it was the best
deception i've ever had! santa is santa and every kid should be made
to believe in such magic and love.

* star city... unsafe? maybe. but it was a tradition for me and my
cousins. so what if the ground is dusty? so what if you ride the same
stuff year after year? star city is no disney land but it sure was a
wonder land for us when we were kids.

* pamamasko... on christmas day, the camacho cousins (all 6 of us)
would go around our neighbors and family friends to ask for pamasko
aka money. we were neatly dressed and we would knock on their doors
and it was understood that they would have to give us money. :) richy
rich on christmas day!

* carols... i never experienced this - as in the authentic caroling
with improvised tamborine (made of tansans) and drums (made of tin
cans and plastic bag). thank you, thank you ang babarat/babait ninyo,
thank you! nope, i never tried this and i regret it!

dear bebigurl, we await for your coming. may you experience the
wonders of christmas as we did years ago! mwah!

remembering

magandang linggo

all's well today. i could say this sunday is the perfect ending for my week. i also declare that this sunday is a perfect beginning for the coming week. domino effect. day 1 is perfect, the rest of the days will be perfect too. :)

the day started with a wonderful lunch shared with friends. it was myr's birthday. we went to the end of the world :p in choa chu kang to visit their lovely home. who says mature love can't be thrilling? i heard super kilig stories today and it was like watching a romantic comedy movie. cheers to love!

i feel like a prodigal daughter... after how many months, i went to worship again. it feels sooooo good. every time i turn away, He still pursues me over and over again. i have an overwhelming desire in my heart but circumstances don't allow me to sing and shout out my love. i love the feeling of euphoria when i sing out and dance and clap and worship and thank and praise Him... i love the fresh, angelic faces and smiles of the most kind-hearted souls i've ever met... if only i could...

though many times i run from you in shame

i lift my hands and call upon your name

for underneath the shadow of your wings

my melody is you

we went biking in east coast today. we saw this wake boarding stuff again. i swear, one of these days, i'll try this! ;) i love biking! i love the feel of the wind blowing on my face and on my hair. i love the thrill when i go speeding down on an incline. i love the feeling of tiredness after the long ride.

i

love

this

sunday!

:)

friday madness

in 30 minutes, it's officially friday! i love fridays. i could barely count the times i stayed late at work on a friday. for me, it's the perfect way out from all things chaotic and and stressful.

friday doesn't mean i could sleep longer on saturday. my brother is a health buff and he "forces" us to jog or bike on saturday mornings, which i don't really mind. i love it too!

i don't have energy and will to work 100% on fridays.

i buy a yummy breakfast on fridays.

i try to eat out for lunch too!

and i do the grand escape on the dot!

come to mama, friday!

kuskus therapy

i once read from someone's facebook status: i can't sleep so i cleaned the bathroom. and others commented that cleaning the bathroom is a good therapy for stress. i thought that it's not a bad idea.

i tried it last week. after having another late night at work, i scrubbed the shower walls and floor before taking a bath. it was magic! i felt good afterwards! i felt that it was a sponge that absorbed all the negative emotions and thoughts inside of me. i came out of the bath feeling very relaxed and renewed.

i felt a little inis over something today. i almost gave in and sulked but then i remembered the kuskus therapy. so i diverted all my energy to mopping the kitchen floor... and to scrubbing the shower again. i loved it! i think, with all the energy that i waste on thinking about all things negative, why not transform it into something positive? why will i cultivate something not good in my mind and in my heart? ma-atake pa ako. i'm not getting younger. in fact, i'm eagerly anticipating the first time i'll see a white hair on my head. that will be the day i will say, "i'm old and i don't mind!" but that's another story.

i love it that i learned a wonderful trick this week. we cannot control all things around us. stress or anger or depression or sadness might be here to stay, but i realized that cultivating them inside me might transform me into a beast. i imagine being a gracious host to a parasite. the more you feed it, the more it grows and leads to worse things. i could always divert my energy into something worthwhile and productive, i guess. cheers to a clean bathroom and to a happy heart!

what is tranquility?

forgetting the things you left undone

going for a swim whenever you feel like it

strolling by the bay

sitting on the sand

and on cozy beach chairs!

watching the waves engulf your painted toe nails

drinking a beer or two at night

watching tv 'til you fall asleep

looking all around you and everything you see is wonderful

long drives

holding hands

while walking

not working (for a while)

eating good food

having good conversation

and good laughs

forgetting all things that are stressful and bad for the health

* pic taken at aquatico, laiya batangas. i loved it there! the place is ideal for an intimate crowd. staff courteous and accommodating. great infinity pool. good beach. will i ever consider going back? definitely :)

at home

i was at home last oct 7 to 11 (wow 7-11!) to attend joy's wedding and to have a short holiday as well. when we were having breakfast on the 7th, i was really happy and nostalgic to see our dining table still arranged this way - old, lace table runner and all! and look at the plate and utensils! they belonged to my lola (still does, i think... RIP, lola). as a proof, there are her initials on the plate and fork. FLC - florentina de leon camacho. awww... very special keepsakes.

my lola was a frugal lady. as an effect, she was very masinop of the little things that she has. i remember watching her carefully fold her umbrella. it was creaseless, i tell you! it was the same umbrella she used through the years. i wish i got this good trait. i am never careful of my things :p burara? yes. even my mom, who should be my number 1 fan, tells me outright: "ang burara mo!" haha. sorry!

starching lola's clothes is another story. even pambahay dusters were starched and ironed to perfection! i am belittled in my gula-gulanit shirts and shorts. i don't know... i just don't have this fondness in looking presentable when i'm "just" at home. i feel you have to be stripped off of everything superficial when you are at home. that's just me. so a surprise visit is always a nightmare for me. let's just say, i don't look at my best :p (but do i ever? hehe)

i roamed around the house and i was really happy that the good, old memories came alive. this was where i had my first thoughts as a child, this was where i studied for school exams, this was my sanctuary when i was already working. this is simply home. i wonder if i will still live here in the future :) i won't mind, i guess... as long as i don't stay there alone. can i have mama and kuya and win? just like the old days :) nice.

mama visits the house from time to time. she says she always gets sad thinking of those days when we were still a complete family :( sunday, we all eat breakfast. every night, we would sit at the living room and watch tv. we would fight over washing dishes when cecil is on leave. everyday was a happy day.

now this post made me sad too. why do we have to be away from home? why do we have to be apart? :(

sleepless

it's the time for worries again. i can't sleep. i am thinking about the work i left behind and the work that is waiting for me tom. when can i be worry-free? i feel there's just too much to be done.

i want to be free from worries. maybe i just need to learn to handle things differently. maybe i just need to relax in the middle of tension. be like a bamboo - sway with the chaos of a storm. sturdy yet gentle, never snapping despite the harsh winds that try to dismantle it.

i need to convince myself more that things will be alright and that things will be done... i could start by commanding some sleep into my system now. shut down mode. tomorrow i will conquer the world. i promise!

hhwwmpssp

i took this shot on my way home last week. i got off the bus with the girl in the picture and her lover boy was waiting for her on the bus stop. she seemed surprised and delighted to see him waiting there. then they started to walk the long walk home. i stayed behind them because i was desperate to take their photo. i have no talent in taking pictures but you don't need talent to capture love :)

they look so cute :)

and i wonder why i have to be away from someone who could have been holding my hand everyday while i walk. it's hard to be apart and i don't like the fact that i just got used to the feeling of being away from each other. most people don't have faith in LDRs, i'm not sure what keeps me holding on too, but i just keep on going just the same.

i have simple desires in the love department. waking up knowing he's so near. having long walks and talks. yes, hhwwmpssp. giving and receiving butterfly kisses. watching tv beside him. going out on weekends towards anywhere or nowhere. bumming around. having hand massages. eating and laughing together. sharing gossip. all so simple yet i can't have them everyday because of the i'm-here-and-you're-there drama.

there's always a right time for everything. it may come or it may not. if there's one thing that i remember in high school religion class, it's the fact that NO is an answer from God too. it doesn't mean He didn't answer. He simply said NO. He hasn't said no yet, btw. i'll just sit still here and you stay put there... and for now, just hope for our hhwwmpssp moments to come... soon.

productive (somehow)

it's the first time this weekend that i feel productive :)

i planned to do some work over this weekend. but heck, it's weekend! have a life! work is not life, so why have work on a weekend? work could wait until tomorrow. there's a right time and venue for everything and weekend at home is not the right one.

so i lazed around last saturday. i didn't do anything! i didn't even do the laundry and i didn't clean the bathroom (it's my turn). it's also my turn to cook food but there are still a lot of leftover food from last friday. what a perfect day!

sunday, still the same lazy mood. we just went to hear mass and shop for groceries for the weekday dinners.

i finally became productive for once this weekend! i prepared pinaputok na tilapia and embutido and it's all done :) yay!

tatlong tulog na lang

i'm coming home to attend joy's wedding. i thought it's also a good time to unwind and have a break from work. yes, we're in the middle of execution and i'm leaving all the work for now -- in the good hands of my colleague. :) it's time for a break. well, they allowed me to have a three-day break so i guess it's not that bad. i could have a guilt-free holiday :)

i am wondering what manila looks like after the storm.

i hope we could all sing:

the rain has stopped

the storm has passed

look at all the colors

now the sun's here at last

:)

life goes on. it might not be an easy start but we all have to start at one point again after a fall.

i'm still confused about some things. and i feel guilty that i am confused. i shouldn't be confused. :( i am so sorry.

off to play a little cake mania before i start 1 of 3 tulogs left... night night world!

damdamins

• pain - my head has been aching since yesterday. might be due to waking up at the wrong side of the bed. maybe not. heck, it's all in the mind.
• less - i feel i could have done more. i feel i could still do more. what's stopping me? the lack of initiative, maybe? too many things running in my mind. i'm thinking too much. i feel it's not enough to do it just this one time. it's supposed to be a continuous thing.
• confusion - i like to but something is stopping me. i yearn for it but at the same time i feel lazy, maybe more of ashamed, to push it through. when i'm there, i'm there. but when i'm not, i'm not. get it? sigh.
• uncertainty - do i have to do it even if i'm not 100% convinced that i want to do it? i almost put it to a halt on a certain day. i was thinking it's not what i want. but why am i still there?
• excitement - 3 more nights and i'll be home (or what's left of home). i'm excited to see my loved ones. i'm excited to see the positive, hopeful faces of people... despite the hardships in the past days.
• stress - so many things to do. so little time. so many responsibilities, so little strength and ability.

where is positive energy when i need it most? i want to run and break free... but i can't... ugh. still so negative! so what's stopping me? from doing what? i don't know. :) what do i want, really?

i want to do things that i like to do! but what are these things? :-S phone a friend...

blessed

the events that happened this weekend are a bit surreal. everything falls down to the same feeling of being blessed.

a few days ago, i posted a status in facebook that i don't really get all the F1 hype and i'm not into it. something to that effect. friday afternoon, just when the work week was about to conclude, our manager approached me and asked me if i'm interested to watch F1. she said our agency bought tickets and gave it away to employees. why not? to see what the buzz is all about, i accepted the ticket. the catch is, there's only 1 ticket. i have 4 other housemates. hehe. hey, it's a blessing and you don't say no to blessings. we'll figure something out, i thought, and got the pass.

we found out that all 5 of us could see the friday practice race if we took turns to go inside. not bad :). we let erwin go in first. we were waiting for him when 3 filipinas approached us and gave us -- FOUR COMPLIMENTARY TICKETS! just like that! we were just standing there! i can't believe our luck! we all ended up watching the practice race! it's not that bad! there's a sense of excitement seeing the cars pass by vaguely. hehe. but we all had a good time even if it's just the practice night. i still would not shell out a fortune just to watch something like this, but i liked the experience. :) thanks to all the generous people, i was able to see what's beyond the broom broom and speed.

we still could not get over our luck the next day when the news about ondoy spread. here we are, feeling an overwhelming blast of blessings, and on the other side of the world, a lot of people are drowning and grasping for just a tiny drop of blessing. :( God saves.

amazed

i love the feeling of amazement!

i feel amazed when i see something unique for the first time.

at times, i feel amazed for no reason at all.

like staring at a fountain like this!

all those cool waves and bubbles and squirts!

to think it's just water and air and pressure!

my attention was diverted to this little girl who was also staring at the splashing water.

i wonder who's more dumbfounded? this little girl looking at the fountain, or me looking at her look at the fountain? :)

my pathetic attempt for nail art

bunga ng kawalan ng magagawa noong nakaraang lunes (holiday), heto't masdan ang kalokohan ko :)) ang nais ko sana'y bulaklak subalit hindi sila mukhang bulaklak! mukha lang silang mga tuldok o paru-parong napisat. hay.

di ko pa rin tinatanggal. saka na :)) pero di ko na uulitin ito. pramis.

lowlows and lowlas

i was going home one night when i chanced to walk with this lola. she was walking rather quickly. i figured she has more stamina than i do! she's very fit for her age, i must say.

today, i watched wonder mom and learned that we are celebrating grandparents' day. i only have one lola left. she is mom's mom and she is spending the sunset days of her life in mindoro.

now, i think back to the days i spent with my lolos and lolas. some memorable notes:

• when i was 6 months old, mama and papa brought me and left me in mindoro for a few months. lola ading and lolo tyago took care of me. they wanted to preserve this duyan that i used but unfortunately, a fire hit the house and destroyed the dear souvenir. when they brought me back to manila, i was this big, fat baby! that was the only time in my life when i became fat. :p
• lolo pepe taught me how to read. he also taught me how to ride the bike. i remember going for a vacation in my cousins' house in bf. i always regarded them as the "rich ones" because they live in this beautiful subdivision where you can learn to ride the bike. in our humble barangay, you sort of endanger your life if you ride the bike because of the deadly tricycles :)) lolo pepe also took us jogging in the nearby multinational village and took us to motorcycle rides (without helmets)! it was cool (and dangerous)!
• lola floring taught me the proper way of washing undies. she also taught me how to iron clothes, cross stitch for or elementary project, a little bit of the basics of cooking and cutting the ingredients, how to properly sweep the floor, how to make paste out of gawgaw, the basics of sewing and using a sewing machine. in short, the little household things that i never knew would matter until now that i'm all grown up. not that i'm an expert! but it doesn't hurt to know even just the "basics". lola never even went to high school and everything she knew, she learned by experience and passed them all in some ways to her grandchildren.

i feel i am lucky to have experienced an overflowing love from grandparents from both sides. i want to grow old and see my grandchildren too. they say you'll love your grandchildren more than you love your own children :p it might be true and i'm excited to experience that love!

poor crabs

spotted at shengshiong supermarket: poor crabs! it's not so visible in the pic, but nakagapos sila! susme kawawa naman... ikaw na ang igapos!

dugyot

look at my hair! it has this not-so-attractive shade of rusty brown! mistulang laking tabing-dagat. hahaha! i put it beside my black pants and found the remarkable difference. eeew.. :)) i've never tried to have color treatment. maybe it's all damaged because of the rebonding every year or so.