friday madness

in 30 minutes, it's officially friday! i love fridays. i could barely count the times i stayed late at work on a friday. for me, it's the perfect way out from all things chaotic and and stressful.

friday doesn't mean i could sleep longer on saturday. my brother is a health buff and he "forces" us to jog or bike on saturday mornings, which i don't really mind. i love it too!

i don't have energy and will to work 100% on fridays.

i buy a yummy breakfast on fridays.

i try to eat out for lunch too!

and i do the grand escape on the dot!

come to mama, friday!

kuskus therapy

i once read from someone's facebook status: i can't sleep so i cleaned the bathroom. and others commented that cleaning the bathroom is a good therapy for stress. i thought that it's not a bad idea.

i tried it last week. after having another late night at work, i scrubbed the shower walls and floor before taking a bath. it was magic! i felt good afterwards! i felt that it was a sponge that absorbed all the negative emotions and thoughts inside of me. i came out of the bath feeling very relaxed and renewed.

i felt a little inis over something today. i almost gave in and sulked but then i remembered the kuskus therapy. so i diverted all my energy to mopping the kitchen floor... and to scrubbing the shower again. i loved it! i think, with all the energy that i waste on thinking about all things negative, why not transform it into something positive? why will i cultivate something not good in my mind and in my heart? ma-atake pa ako. i'm not getting younger. in fact, i'm eagerly anticipating the first time i'll see a white hair on my head. that will be the day i will say, "i'm old and i don't mind!" but that's another story.

i love it that i learned a wonderful trick this week. we cannot control all things around us. stress or anger or depression or sadness might be here to stay, but i realized that cultivating them inside me might transform me into a beast. i imagine being a gracious host to a parasite. the more you feed it, the more it grows and leads to worse things. i could always divert my energy into something worthwhile and productive, i guess. cheers to a clean bathroom and to a happy heart!

what is tranquility?

forgetting the things you left undone

going for a swim whenever you feel like it

strolling by the bay

sitting on the sand

and on cozy beach chairs!

watching the waves engulf your painted toe nails

drinking a beer or two at night

watching tv 'til you fall asleep

looking all around you and everything you see is wonderful

long drives

holding hands

while walking

not working (for a while)

eating good food

having good conversation

and good laughs

forgetting all things that are stressful and bad for the health

* pic taken at aquatico, laiya batangas. i loved it there! the place is ideal for an intimate crowd. staff courteous and accommodating. great infinity pool. good beach. will i ever consider going back? definitely :)

at home

i was at home last oct 7 to 11 (wow 7-11!) to attend joy's wedding and to have a short holiday as well. when we were having breakfast on the 7th, i was really happy and nostalgic to see our dining table still arranged this way - old, lace table runner and all! and look at the plate and utensils! they belonged to my lola (still does, i think... RIP, lola). as a proof, there are her initials on the plate and fork. FLC - florentina de leon camacho. awww... very special keepsakes.

my lola was a frugal lady. as an effect, she was very masinop of the little things that she has. i remember watching her carefully fold her umbrella. it was creaseless, i tell you! it was the same umbrella she used through the years. i wish i got this good trait. i am never careful of my things :p burara? yes. even my mom, who should be my number 1 fan, tells me outright: "ang burara mo!" haha. sorry!

starching lola's clothes is another story. even pambahay dusters were starched and ironed to perfection! i am belittled in my gula-gulanit shirts and shorts. i don't know... i just don't have this fondness in looking presentable when i'm "just" at home. i feel you have to be stripped off of everything superficial when you are at home. that's just me. so a surprise visit is always a nightmare for me. let's just say, i don't look at my best :p (but do i ever? hehe)

i roamed around the house and i was really happy that the good, old memories came alive. this was where i had my first thoughts as a child, this was where i studied for school exams, this was my sanctuary when i was already working. this is simply home. i wonder if i will still live here in the future :) i won't mind, i guess... as long as i don't stay there alone. can i have mama and kuya and win? just like the old days :) nice.

mama visits the house from time to time. she says she always gets sad thinking of those days when we were still a complete family :( sunday, we all eat breakfast. every night, we would sit at the living room and watch tv. we would fight over washing dishes when cecil is on leave. everyday was a happy day.

now this post made me sad too. why do we have to be away from home? why do we have to be apart? :(

sleepless

it's the time for worries again. i can't sleep. i am thinking about the work i left behind and the work that is waiting for me tom. when can i be worry-free? i feel there's just too much to be done.

i want to be free from worries. maybe i just need to learn to handle things differently. maybe i just need to relax in the middle of tension. be like a bamboo - sway with the chaos of a storm. sturdy yet gentle, never snapping despite the harsh winds that try to dismantle it.

i need to convince myself more that things will be alright and that things will be done... i could start by commanding some sleep into my system now. shut down mode. tomorrow i will conquer the world. i promise!

hhwwmpssp

i took this shot on my way home last week. i got off the bus with the girl in the picture and her lover boy was waiting for her on the bus stop. she seemed surprised and delighted to see him waiting there. then they started to walk the long walk home. i stayed behind them because i was desperate to take their photo. i have no talent in taking pictures but you don't need talent to capture love :)

they look so cute :)

and i wonder why i have to be away from someone who could have been holding my hand everyday while i walk. it's hard to be apart and i don't like the fact that i just got used to the feeling of being away from each other. most people don't have faith in LDRs, i'm not sure what keeps me holding on too, but i just keep on going just the same.

i have simple desires in the love department. waking up knowing he's so near. having long walks and talks. yes, hhwwmpssp. giving and receiving butterfly kisses. watching tv beside him. going out on weekends towards anywhere or nowhere. bumming around. having hand massages. eating and laughing together. sharing gossip. all so simple yet i can't have them everyday because of the i'm-here-and-you're-there drama.

there's always a right time for everything. it may come or it may not. if there's one thing that i remember in high school religion class, it's the fact that NO is an answer from God too. it doesn't mean He didn't answer. He simply said NO. He hasn't said no yet, btw. i'll just sit still here and you stay put there... and for now, just hope for our hhwwmpssp moments to come... soon.

productive (somehow)

it's the first time this weekend that i feel productive :)

i planned to do some work over this weekend. but heck, it's weekend! have a life! work is not life, so why have work on a weekend? work could wait until tomorrow. there's a right time and venue for everything and weekend at home is not the right one.

so i lazed around last saturday. i didn't do anything! i didn't even do the laundry and i didn't clean the bathroom (it's my turn). it's also my turn to cook food but there are still a lot of leftover food from last friday. what a perfect day!

sunday, still the same lazy mood. we just went to hear mass and shop for groceries for the weekday dinners.

i finally became productive for once this weekend! i prepared pinaputok na tilapia and embutido and it's all done :) yay!

tatlong tulog na lang

i'm coming home to attend joy's wedding. i thought it's also a good time to unwind and have a break from work. yes, we're in the middle of execution and i'm leaving all the work for now -- in the good hands of my colleague. :) it's time for a break. well, they allowed me to have a three-day break so i guess it's not that bad. i could have a guilt-free holiday :)

i am wondering what manila looks like after the storm.

i hope we could all sing:

the rain has stopped

the storm has passed

look at all the colors

now the sun's here at last

:)

life goes on. it might not be an easy start but we all have to start at one point again after a fall.

i'm still confused about some things. and i feel guilty that i am confused. i shouldn't be confused. :( i am so sorry.

off to play a little cake mania before i start 1 of 3 tulogs left... night night world!

damdamins

• pain - my head has been aching since yesterday. might be due to waking up at the wrong side of the bed. maybe not. heck, it's all in the mind.
• less - i feel i could have done more. i feel i could still do more. what's stopping me? the lack of initiative, maybe? too many things running in my mind. i'm thinking too much. i feel it's not enough to do it just this one time. it's supposed to be a continuous thing.
• confusion - i like to but something is stopping me. i yearn for it but at the same time i feel lazy, maybe more of ashamed, to push it through. when i'm there, i'm there. but when i'm not, i'm not. get it? sigh.
• uncertainty - do i have to do it even if i'm not 100% convinced that i want to do it? i almost put it to a halt on a certain day. i was thinking it's not what i want. but why am i still there?
• excitement - 3 more nights and i'll be home (or what's left of home). i'm excited to see my loved ones. i'm excited to see the positive, hopeful faces of people... despite the hardships in the past days.
• stress - so many things to do. so little time. so many responsibilities, so little strength and ability.

where is positive energy when i need it most? i want to run and break free... but i can't... ugh. still so negative! so what's stopping me? from doing what? i don't know. :) what do i want, really?

i want to do things that i like to do! but what are these things? :-S phone a friend...