First Father's Day

Dear Daddy,

Before I came into this world, it was just you and Mommy - living life to the fullest!

Taking beach strolls and being silly

Exploring sites

And hikes

Sharing cups of coffee even if you're not coffee drinkers because... why not?

Before I came into existence, I know I was a mere desire.  Not because it was a fad or a requirement to have a child, but probably because there is an overwhelming amount of love that you and mommy just have to give to a little peanut like me.

Here's a little secret: I asked God, "if you will send me to earth, please let me have a good father.  One whom I could look up to, one who's not perfect (for nobody is), but one who will make his love as the fuel to make all ends meet, one who will nurture me to the best of his abilities, and even if he's not capable of doing everything, may he be willing to strive to just try!  After all, I'm just a little helpless peanut.  It won't hurt if you'll make my every inch and crevice look like him."

God answered me this way

I always hear you say it's a miracle.  Well, I think that I'm not a miracle but just a little peanut.  Hehehe!  But if you must insist, then let's call me a miracle. 

Maybe the entirety is a miracle indeed because even from inside Mommy's tummy, I already felt a lot of positive vibes!  I would hear your voice and more than just the tangible sounds, I felt your love coming through whatever it is that separated us.  Thank you!

Fast forward to the 19th of July, I wasn't ready but come out to the world I must, with a wail as thunderous as a gong!  Should I really exaggerate?  Hahaha!

The first time you held me was all sorts of wonderful.  I could sense you were nervous but I've never felt more secure in the entire 8 hours of my earthly life!  Thank you!

Daddy, you are only in the sixth week of your fatherhood journey.  I'd like to present you now with your "Best Father in the World / Universe" badge!  Congratulations!  I appreciate you - every second of the day - for everything that you do for me and Mommy.

For looking like a tiger when you try to sleep despite my round-the-clock cries

For trying to keep it together and smile despite sleepless days and nights

For tirelessly washing my bottles

For celebrating with me on my first month 

For hushing me to sleep late at night even if you have to work early the next day

For changing my diaper whenever I wee or poop... with a pooping face like this, I know you can't resist!

For making me smile

For being our driver, sweet lover

For doing all the house chores

For always wanting to give the best to me

For going beyond your limits

For always wanting to become a better man, husband, and more importantly, father

For loving me unconditionally 

I look up to you, Daddy!

Cheers to your first Father's Day!  You are nailing it!  Mommy and I love you so much!

Little peanuts have wishes and prayers too!

God granted mine when He gave me to you!

Love,

Sam

Day 18

Dear Samuel Liam,

You are 18 days old today!  Eighteen days of bliss, tears of joy, tears of frustration, sleeplessness, nipple pain, CS recovery, self doubt - if I could ever be a good mother to you.  

I don't know what I've done to deserve something as beautiful as you are.  I must have done something right, something special.  I look at you as much as I can now, then the song "I Don't Want to Miss a Thing" by Aerosmith magically, almost comically, plays in my ears.  Hahaha!  It's so true, though.  The words pretty much say it all!

Throughout this pregnancy, my prayers have always been, "Lord, I am not certain if this child is for us, but I am claiming this gift and I thank you in advance for this  child."

Before you came to this world, it was just you and me.  You inside my tummy, kicking wildly most of the time.  If I didn't feel you for some time, I would worry like crazy being the paranoid freak that I am.  Then you'd start your kicking frenzy again then I'll be back to my haven of peace.

It was not an easy journey, Sam.  There was the implantation bleeding at 5 weeks, gestational diabetes that started at 28 weeks, severe tummy rashes that kept me up most nights, and a couple of self inflicted fears - no thanks to everybody's best friend, Mr. Google.

It was a mix of positive and negative emotions, but one thing is certain: you are worth all the pain!

Before this pregnancy, I saw this quote in Hayden's IG (yes, showbiz):

For this child we prayed, and the Lord has granted what we asked of Him 

1 Samuel 1:27

Thus, the name Samuel... Sam.

Now if I could only be half as good as my mom, maybe Sam will be fine :)

Off to more sleepless nights with my bebe boy!  

Love,

Mommy

PS: I'm still getting used to the thought of me being called "mommy".  For a while I thought I'd never ever be called that.  But then miracles happen.  Sam happens :)

Song fades in the background... complete with Aerosmith's face and pasigaw voice... 

"I don't wanna miss one smile 

I don't wanna miss one kiss 

Well, I just wanna be with you 

Right here with you, just like this 

I just wanna hold you close 

Feel your heart so close to mine 

And just stay here in this moment 

For all the rest of time"