Sunday, August 06, 2017

Day 18

Dear Samuel Liam,

You are 18 days old today!  Eighteen days of bliss, tears of joy, tears of frustration, sleeplessness, nipple pain, CS recovery, self doubt - if I could ever be a good mother to you.  

I don't know what I've done to deserve something as beautiful as you are.  I must have done something right, something special.  I look at you as much as I can now, then the song "I Don't Want to Miss a Thing" by Aerosmith magically, almost comically, plays in my ears.  Hahaha!  It's so true, though.  The words pretty much say it all!

Throughout this pregnancy, my prayers have always been, "Lord, I am not certain if this child is for us, but I am claiming this gift and I thank you in advance for this  child."

Before you came to this world, it was just you and me.  You inside my tummy, kicking wildly most of the time.  If I didn't feel you for some time, I would worry like crazy being the paranoid freak that I am.  Then you'd start your kicking frenzy again then I'll be back to my haven of peace.

It was not an easy journey, Sam.  There was the implantation bleeding at 5 weeks, gestational diabetes that started at 28 weeks, severe tummy rashes that kept me up most nights, and a couple of self inflicted fears - no thanks to everybody's best friend, Mr. Google.

It was a mix of positive and negative emotions, but one thing is certain: you are worth all the pain!

Before this pregnancy, I saw this quote in Hayden's IG (yes, showbiz):

For this child we prayed, and the Lord has granted what we asked of Him 

1 Samuel 1:27

Thus, the name Samuel... Sam.

Now if I could only be half as good as my mom, maybe Sam will be fine :)

Off to more sleepless nights with my bebe boy!  



PS: I'm still getting used to the thought of me being called "mommy".  For a while I thought I'd never ever be called that.  But then miracles happen.  Sam happens :)

Song fades in the background... complete with Aerosmith's face and pasigaw voice... 

"I don't wanna miss one smile 

I don't wanna miss one kiss 

Well, I just wanna be with you 

Right here with you, just like this 

I just wanna hold you close 

Feel your heart so close to mine 

And just stay here in this moment 

For all the rest of time"