Day 18

Dear Samuel Liam,

You are 18 days old today!  Eighteen days of bliss, tears of joy, tears of frustration, sleeplessness, nipple pain, CS recovery, self doubt - if I could ever be a good mother to you.  

I don't know what I've done to deserve something as beautiful as you are.  I must have done something right, something special.  I look at you as much as I can now, then the song "I Don't Want to Miss a Thing" by Aerosmith magically, almost comically, plays in my ears.  Hahaha!  It's so true, though.  The words pretty much say it all!

Throughout this pregnancy, my prayers have always been, "Lord, I am not certain if this child is for us, but I am claiming this gift and I thank you in advance for this  child."

Before you came to this world, it was just you and me.  You inside my tummy, kicking wildly most of the time.  If I didn't feel you for some time, I would worry like crazy being the paranoid freak that I am.  Then you'd start your kicking frenzy again then I'll be back to my haven of peace.

It was not an easy journey, Sam.  There was the implantation bleeding at 5 weeks, gestational diabetes that started at 28 weeks, severe tummy rashes that kept me up most nights, and a couple of self inflicted fears - no thanks to everybody's best friend, Mr. Google.

It was a mix of positive and negative emotions, but one thing is certain: you are worth all the pain!

Before this pregnancy, I saw this quote in Hayden's IG (yes, showbiz):

For this child we prayed, and the Lord has granted what we asked of Him 

1 Samuel 1:27

Thus, the name Samuel... Sam.

Now if I could only be half as good as my mom, maybe Sam will be fine :)

Off to more sleepless nights with my bebe boy!  

Love,

Mommy

PS: I'm still getting used to the thought of me being called "mommy".  For a while I thought I'd never ever be called that.  But then miracles happen.  Sam happens :)

Song fades in the background... complete with Aerosmith's face and pasigaw voice... 

"I don't wanna miss one smile 

I don't wanna miss one kiss 

Well, I just wanna be with you 

Right here with you, just like this 

I just wanna hold you close 

Feel your heart so close to mine 

And just stay here in this moment 

For all the rest of time"