Dear Samuel Liam,
You are 18 days old today! Eighteen days of bliss, tears of joy, tears of frustration, sleeplessness, nipple pain, CS recovery, self doubt - if I could ever be a good mother to you.
I don't know what I've done to deserve something as beautiful as you are. I must have done something right, something special. I look at you as much as I can now, then the song "I Don't Want to Miss a Thing" by Aerosmith magically, almost comically, plays in my ears. Hahaha! It's so true, though. The words pretty much say it all!
Throughout this pregnancy, my prayers have always been, "Lord, I am not certain if this child is for us, but I am claiming this gift and I thank you in advance for this child."
Before you came to this world, it was just you and me. You inside my tummy, kicking wildly most of the time. If I didn't feel you for some time, I would worry like crazy being the paranoid freak that I am. Then you'd start your kicking frenzy again then I'll be back to my haven of peace.
It was not an easy journey, Sam. There was the implantation bleeding at 5 weeks, gestational diabetes that started at 28 weeks, severe tummy rashes that kept me up most nights, and a couple of self inflicted fears - no thanks to everybody's best friend, Mr. Google.
It was a mix of positive and negative emotions, but one thing is certain: you are worth all the pain!
Before this pregnancy, I saw this quote in Hayden's IG (yes, showbiz):
For this child we prayed, and the Lord has granted what we asked of Him
1 Samuel 1:27
Thus, the name Samuel... Sam.
Now if I could only be half as good as my mom, maybe Sam will be fine :)
Off to more sleepless nights with my bebe boy!
Love,
Mommy
PS: I'm still getting used to the thought of me being called "mommy". For a while I thought I'd never ever be called that. But then miracles happen. Sam happens :)
Song fades in the background... complete with Aerosmith's face and pasigaw voice...
"I don't wanna miss one smile
I don't wanna miss one kiss
Well, I just wanna be with you
Right here with you, just like this
I just wanna hold you close
Feel your heart so close to mine
And just stay here in this moment
For all the rest of time"