make me whole and an excerpt from paolo coelho's eleven minutes

i finished paolo coelho's eleven minutes the other night. riche, thanks for lending me the book! it's a good book. i really liked this text on p. 157... let me quote it:

"Since I was in the company of an intellectual, I would quote from Plato. According to him, at the beginning of creation, men and women were not as they are now; there was just one being, who was rather short, with a body and a neck, but his head had two faces, looking in different directions. It was as if two creatures had been glued back to back, with two sets of sex organs, four legs and four arms.

"The Greek gods, however, were jealous, because this creature with four arms could work harder; wit its two faces, it was always vigilant and could not be taken by surprise; and its four legs meant that it could stand or walk for long periods at a time without tiring. Even more dangerous was the fact that the creature had two different sets of sex organs and so needed no one else in order to continue reproducing.

"Zeus, the supreme lord of Olympus, said: 'I have a plan to make these mortals lose some of their strength.'

"And he cut the creature in two with a lightning bolt, thus creating man and woman. This greatly increased the population of the world, and, at the same time, disoriented and weakened its inhabitants, because now they had to search for their lost half and embrace it and, in that embrace, regain their former strength, their ability to avoid betrayal and the stamina to walk for long periods of time and to withstand hard work..."

ain't it really nice? and hopeful? hehe! and then i heard the song make me whole by amel larrieux and noticed the similarity of the message... let me quote again:


Cause your eyes are the windows to heaven
Your smile could heal a million souls
Your love completes my existence
You're the other half that makes me whole
You're the only other half that makes me whole

You make my dreams
Come true over and, over again
And I honestly truly believe
You and me are written in the stars
I live my whole life through
To giving thanks to you


i don't need to say anything more =)

mood swing

yahoo! this is what i call an authentic mood swing!!! down one day, up the next day! last night before i turned out the lights, i told myself "i'm leaving all the negative vibrations on this 30th day of december... when i wake up tom, i'll be feeling sooo happy!"... and i did just that! woohoo! probably because i don't want to end the year with a broken soul =) so mind over matter really works. the instant i opened my eyes, i feel light =)

watched white chicks this morning with kuya and win... and after 1 million and 1 struggles with yongyong, i met with him and "received" the dvd... where? sa napaka-glamorosong kanto ng sto. niño haha! hehe thanks a lot yongyong! i'll watch it agad since highly recommended mo. although i really like to give you a little something, you didn't give me the opportunity... sabi nang monday na lang eh! to show you how much i appreciate your lending me both ears ALL THE TIME. =) for being the truest friend =)... thanks a lot! who would have thought we'll be good friends? the most absurd way of meeting, eh! ayan ang dami tuloy restrictions! magkape lang di pa magawa hehehe!

down

what's with the 30th? i slept at around 4am and woke up at 11am. seems i lost all my defenses over my sleep.

woke up with a heavy head, running nose, tired body, confused inner self, marred soul, fast-paced heart, anxious system... and i can't think of a justifiable reason why i'm in such a demented state. geez, i've never seen or felt that much negative vibrations coming out of a soul. did i have way too much of the vacation mode? or too much idle time? so a one-week vacation isn't healthy? probably...

whatever it is, i'm hoping i could shrug it all away within this day. i don't want to linger in such an eerie place, where there is an overwhelming level of uncertainty that i really can't contain... i wonder why...

cant sleep

Somehow ive got my days and my nights mixed up. Could
it be the holiday mood? Or maybe ive had too much CB
tales that ive got everything jumbled. Geez! I so want
to sleep... Tossing and turning wont do the trick...
Sigh... Wonder whats keeping me up. I dont remember
taking in any caffeine-containing stuff today.. Hmmm..
Try to close my eyes again..



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here we go...

blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
blah blah



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emotions:

*anticipating *annoyed *irritated *tired *sleepy but
not sleepy *confused *dazed *worried aah finally! thanks!



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unwell

Hmmm... I think i trusted my body resistance that
much, eh... Mingling, making harot, fooling around
with my 2 brothers who were both coughing and sneezing
for the past few days. I was strong as a horse, i
thought... But now i guess i have the virus too. Ulk!
Coughing and sneezing like hell as well. and i hate it
because i hate it! Waaah! I feel so unwell. Im hoping
my kain-tulog-bum remedy will do the trick. Right now,
Im here in my room because i could smell my uncles
cigarette smoke downstairs. And i also hate cigarette
smoke. Oh, btw, my uncles son (that makes him my
cousin hehe) is coming home tonight from canada and
hell be staying here at our house. I guess well have
busy weeks coming. Its a good thing i have a 1week
vacation woohoo! My PC is still in a doze though...
Likewise very unwell.. =c

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unwell

Hmmm... I think i trusted my body resistance that
much, eh... Mingling, making harot, fooling around
with my 2 brothers who were both coughing and sneezing
for the past few days. I was strong as a horse, i
thought... But now i guess i have the virus too. Ulk!
Coughing and sneezing like hell as well. and i hate it
because i hate it! Waaah! I feel so unwell. Im hoping
my kain-tulog-bum remedy will do the trick. Right now,
Im here in my room because i could smell my uncles
cigarette smoke downstairs. And i also hate cigarette
smoke. Oh, btw, my uncles son (that makes him my
cousin hehe) is coming home tonight from canada and
hell be staying here at our house. I guess well have
busy weeks coming. Its a good thing i have a 1week
vacation woohoo! My PC is still in a doze though...
Likewise very unwell.. =c

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warm christmas =)

finally, christmas came. =) happy birthday, baby boy!
It was a rather peaceful christmas eve in our home.
Mom prepared shrimp pasta, hamonado, embutido, ref
cake, and the traditional ham and cheese. Superb! It
was just the four of us and it made me feel the warmth
and joy of just being with your family; and it is
enough to paint a smile on my face. We didnt have the
gift giving session because we had a wish list and we
shopped for those yesterday. And we realized it was
really baduy cause we didnt have any presents to open
today... we decided to bring back the
gift-giving-and-opening tradition next year. my pc
seems to be dead or deep slumber lang sana hehe! Im
gonna have to rely on phone blogging for the next few
nights. Merry christmas sayo as you read my post. =)



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The ultimate patience test

while shopping for more gifts at sm, i dropped by
globe to pay for my phone bill. I guess their number
queue system was down so we had to form a line at the
counter. So pila ako. I was the last in line. All of a
sudden this globe girl who was paying for her clients
purchase made singit in front of me! The nerve! Cant
believe it! Fine! She didnt notice me! Didnt i look
like i was in line? I was dying to make taray her
na... Medyo nagfoformation na ang kilay ko! At ang
arms, mega wawak sa waist na! Mega tap ang toes! Gosh!
How insensitive could people get sometimes? I was
dying to throw sarcastic remarks but heck.. Why
bother? I thought it IS christmas. Fine! Thats my
christmas gift to her! Tone down... Merry christmas,
byotch! Haha!



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random pics...

i'm sad... reminisce na lang... here are some random kulit pics from recent gimiks and wala lang stuff... pictures paint thousands of words nga... they paint a smile on my face... somehow... haha gawin bang album ang blog? =)

abroad pic from tagaytay... parang nasa abroad hehe! feel na feel!









batch 7 pic last dec. 16 lunch-out at pier one.









with maricor and donna, all in blue so strike a pose!











parang broadway show ang dating ng background haha! nice one!









stuck in a mild traffic during lunch-out... picturan ang kabilang equally rowdy group...









lipschitz after bagging the grand prize P1 million... hehe joke. these gals are the best! yahoo!









with dear notie... haha day-off ang drama dito!











with dear notie again... day-off part 2. with matching landscape as background.









about to go home from tagaytay, tita gulang's place. doggie ang star dito hehe!









my gosh! eyes hurt from all that bright cam flash! took us about 50 shots before we could perfect this... hehe nakapikit na ko! ouch!









hmmm landi pose daw... bakit ako lang ang lumandi? hehe! behave sila...









clinging on to dear life at tagaytay. right, rishy? di lang tayong 2 =)









the qa team... then.













with dear horsie. good horsie... =)












the red team! haha... this was an ordinary day. just called everybody wearing red and posed for pics.









and more red people!!!













refreshing view! makes you forget the hassles and struggles in manila.









stairs view with liza... hay can't get enough of tagaytay!












coffee? este tea na pala yan... don't drink coffee na... with my favorite mug na basag na ang takip.









christmas party pics

christmas party with what's "currently" left of dear batch 7.









2 girls in pink and a girl in red.









2 pink m&ms, 1 red m&m.












with nottie, dear nottie.












m&ms front view.













m&ms back view hehe.












with honors ehehe (i wonder why).












with nottie ulit... huwaaaah!!!

back to the habit..

Of sleeping less than 8 hours a day. Hay.. I guess
thats the way my body clock functions. I find more
gratification when i have less than 8 hrs of sleep.
Guess what? I heard simbang gabi today at 8pm.
Actually, serve ko yun and ive been absent for three
duties na nga e. Sorry! Poor wawins sick - coughing
and sneezing, spreading virus hehe.. Plus my pc has a
virus too and it is generally unwell. And im sad and
sulky over certain matters (dont worry, this is not a
love issue. Over and done na i guess). im beginning to
drift away from the festive mood of christmas. Take
away the sadness please.



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so far away

a mega SIGH... doesn't anybody really stay in one place anymore? =( ain't it sad? =(

So Far Away
Carole King

So far away
Doesn't anybody stay in one place any more?
It would be so fine to see your face at my door
Doesn't help to know you're just time away

Long ago I reached for you and there you stood
Holding you again could only do me good
Oh, how I wish I could
But you're so far away

One more song about move along the highway
Can't say much of anything that's new
If I could only work this life out my way
I'd rather spend it being close to you

But you're so far away
Doesn't anybody stay in one place any more?
It would be so fine to see your face at my door
Doesn't help to know you're just time away

Traveling around sure gets me down and lonely
Nothing else to do but close my mind
I sure hope the road don't come to own me
There's so many dreams I've yet to find

But you're so far away
Doesn't anybody stay in one place any more?
It would be so fine to see your face at my door
Doesn't help to know you're just time away

i wish...

i were assertive... =(

Finally a good rest...

Cant believe im comfortably lying on my bed at 10pm..
Ready to sleep! Now this is a genuine, feel-good rest!
Woohoo! Theres a slight catch though.. Nabuhay na
naman ang diwa ko after a quick shower.. Darn it...
Might as well read a few pages and doze off! Yahoo still!



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most annoying kid in the universe

after hours of waiting and waiting and waiting for kuya to be satisfied with his shopping, we craved for twister fries and mcfloat so off we went to mcdo. what do you expect? SRO ang mcdo! so while he was placing our delightful order, i scouted for vacant seats... which is a tiring task 'cause every seat is taken na talga =(...

luckily, i saw a couple almost done with their meal, so mega bantay ako beside them - as in super beside them. when they stood up, i was about to approach the seat when a wicked boy (about 8 yrs old) ran with all his might and sat down on the chair. he was grinning as if saying, "this is miiiine!". brat! unbelievable! i saw the table first! waaaah!

what's more annoying is he was making these side glances towards me and he was smiling wickedly - nang-iinis pa!!! duh! sabunutan ko sana kaya lang andun daddy nya bwahahaha! patulan ba ang bata? nanabunot na e no! so i just left the table with a sad face and sumbong kay kuya... i-bully ba raw ako ng kid? he's a mean kid =(

*i swear, i'll never go shopping with kuya again! bagal!

never again (again)

With kuya at festival mall.. shopping a week before
christmas is always a mistake.. Waaah! With
megazillion people around you, you just get bumped and
bruised haha! Never again!! Hmmm... Didnt i promise
that same thing last year? *nakuha ko pa talga magblog
no? If you were with an overly meticulous, snail-like
shopper aka kuya, youll surely be as creative and find
more means of entertaining yourself. Haha! Sigh...



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the grudge and the concert

it happened again! i was taking a bath, humming nina's "don't want to be your friend". then the water slowly evaporated (haha evaporated).

bakit ba lagi na lang ako nauubusan! waaah! our water tank probably has this hidden grudge in me haha... so sigaw naman ako... "manang, wala na tubig! pakibukas ng motoooor! =)" hehe!

while waiting for the water supply to rush through the tubo, concert ulit ng "don't want to be your friend"... yeah even if the only lines i know are:

Don't call me in the middle of the night no more
Don't expect me to be there
Don't think that it will be the way it was before
I'm not over you yet
And I don't think I care
And I don't want to be your friend

with matching sabon and shampoo all over! haha! it took dear water about 10 mins. to finally "spring forth" through the shower tube. so how many rounds of "don't call me..." did i perform? hmmm... lost track.

it was a good bath. =)

SS employee now a manikurista

this morning at the office, i was just pulling my hair to relieve my excruciating headache when the SS dancers asked for my assistance in applying red nail polish for the dance contest. i was like, ah eh... ok! my pleasure to help but i can't assure you guys that i'm an expert in this stuff. but heck, i did my best!

so with semi-trembling hands and semi-sweaty palms and semi-apologetic facial expressions, i did the job of painting nails yahoo! mind you, i did it with an overflowing level of zeal and enthusiasm! and double coat yun tita! haha! i think there were 5 girls who queued to have their nails done... hehe! kinda crooked ang paglagay ko pero pede na... pede na pagtyagaan!

and what do you expect from SS people? only the best! so... ummm... we won the contest! i've never seen a dance with so much passion and emotion. so believable! breathtaking and spectacular. i haven't seen the movie chicago, but after seeing their performance, i'm really dying to see the film! let the film relive the dance haha!

btw, i asked the judges and they said that the red nails contributed about 2 points to the score haha! joke... maisingit lang talga eh haha!

manang calls me...

"by" as in short cut for baby. why she calls me that name, i don't know. but i definitely don't like it. haha in fact i despise being called that supposedly term of endearment. well, oa naman siguro ang word na despise... maybe i just prefer not to be reminded of something sweet-turned-sour stuff.

by, labas mo na plantsahin

by, mga lalabhan ha

by, kain na

duh... spare me...

i'm really dying to...

post something but it's a bit too early for that. i'm afraid though na baka by the time i post it, the momentum's gone na... can't wait! =) i don't want to spoil the surprise =)

have you ever felt...

that you wanted something so badly?

and the tiniest chance of you grasping that something is doomed because of another person's irresponsibility?

and that person made things worse by making it look like it was your fault?

and the people you're trying to impress thought that you're irresponsible, unprofessional, not prompt?

and you can't do anything about it because it all happened in a flash?

oh, and there's no undo button in our lives?

and a perfect opportunity is wasted?

but then again, i'm convinced still that there's no such thing as "malas" pa rin. what's next is something wonderful and delighting!!! =)

kinasal na si puppy love

just browsing through my friendster list and i accidentally saw my ex-crush's pic... WEDDING PIC haha! i was like "huwaaat?!? he's married already?". and then i started to recall that it was with him that i experienced my first head-over-heels-infatuation and really super serious crush and real kilig factor chuva. the kind of feeling na you ask yourself the one-million-dollar-HS question: "can this be love?" bwahahaha! i was 17 then! and he was this bait cute guy na "crush" ko.

i remember my brother and i used to have these code names. i think we called him electric fan. so when win goes home from play, he used to report every electric fan contact... like "ate, nakita ko si electric fan. kinukumusta ka." or "ate nakita ko si electric fan nag basketball." and then i would squeeze him for more juicy chika. he would just roll his eyes with disgust... brat! haha!

and how could i forget the day he gave me 3 (what were those?) aaah! lanzones! para daw i love you bwhahaha! syempre kilig naman that time diba! hehe! and there was a time when he dropped by after basketball nila... tapos mega smile at pa-cute labas lahat teeth. funny, his braces were dangling loose from his teeth. i asked him "ano nangyari sayo?". he seemed really embarrassed. natamaan daw bola sira braces and he forgot about it. duh mega ngiti pa sakin! at kinilig naman daw ako! haha! susme! plus the ultimate kilig moment was when he offered a ride (mga 10 mins. lang hehe) home from church (i was with win). and do you think i said no? haha! grab agad! haha!

after being kind of friends with him, i don't know how we drifted apart. there just came a time na parang nawala na lang sya bigla... ah i guess nung nagsara yung tindahan namin, i rarely saw him na. i just felt really awkward and shy about the crush thing and i avoided him when our paths crossed. the last contact, i think, was at church. and because i'm still shy about it, it took me 1 million watts to force myself to look his way, smile, and offer him the sign of peace.

i guess the only time i got over the crush thing was, when i started working siguro? when i saw him super rarely na talga. and lamo yun? parang corny na kse di mo na nakikita haha! di ka na kikiligin. and i saw him siguro mga 4x a year lang sa church (pero kilig pa rin pag nakita)... haha my puppy love is now a daddy! =)

red hot ears

it happened again... i was subjected to another round of ultimate embarrassment. thanks to the girls hehe!

an unknown man with a pad and pen just popped in our work area, as if surveying and scouting our place, listing zeus-knows-what stuff. and we were all like, "sino yun?". mega clueless. suddenly, char said "uuy, caths!"... and the rest of the team followed the chant, "uuy, caths!". duh! bigla na lang e! walang basehan ang tukso haha! ano buzzz?!? what's worse is the manong was still there! listing stuff and obviously hearing everything out and having the impression that somebody named caths likes him... duh duh duh duh duh!

hay and then i felt my ears get hot again. nilagnat ang tenga ko. duh duh duh duh duh!

i guess the first time was with the new guy? na crush ko raw! haha same behavior... "uuy, caths! gwapo yun!" with sheepish smiles, kulang na lang, ituro yung guy... duh duh duh duh! maybe we could be more discreet next time? haha! my ears get red hot e! can't handle those stuff! haha! dahil ako'y mayumi! bwahaha!

and how could i forget a similar incident way back college? was studying in a room when my "good" friends barged in and forced me to wear a bracelet. asked, "kanino to?" and they answered, "basta suot mo!". ok and they locked the bracelet in my arm... and i continued to cram. a few minutes passed and my ex-crush barged in as well and said, "nasayo raw bracelet ko?". duh duh duh duh! hor-ears-alert! foolish me tried to unlock the bracelet by myself. imagine how stupid i looked. in the end, it finally hit my senses that i can't remove it alone... so i just shyly poked my arm towards him and implied "please get this thing off me?". duh duh duh duh duh...

poor me can't handle boy exposure haha!

enough

i was hoping i could sleep a little early tonight. i was (as usual) puyat. it's ok it's for a good cause anyway. i was (hopefully) able to uplift somebody's mood. it was a good talk =).

i promised myself i'll sleep at 10 but when i sat down to channel surf for a while, i saw that enough (j. lo's film) is shown on hbo. it's weird 'cause just yesterday, the topic on 3R is about abusive acts. so i thought it might be good to ponder on this... and i just had the urge to comment...

i heard over 3R that abuse could be in any form: physical, sexual, verbal... and anybody who gets a dose of any of those will end up getting emotionally abused. imagine the effects this could have on someone. IMAGINE! nobody has the right to hurt you either physically or verbally. nobody has the right to degrade you, call you names, curse you, pull your hair, call you stupid, harass you, pull your bag, and in the end blame it all on you for PROVOKING HIM.

nobody has the right to shout at you, beat you (as if you were a guy), slap you, spit on you (heck spit? eeew), and in the end blame it all on you for PROVOKING HIM.

being in a private or public scenario isn't an issue. what amount of dignity will be left in your being if you're shouted at or hurt in front of people; worse, in front of people you know?!? just the same, nobody earns the right to abuse someone just because they are in the confines of their homes. and i guess the reason it doesn't stop is because of the "ok-lang-yun-kaya-ko-pa-love-ko-kasi-sya" mentality.

some guys really have the nerves! the usual drama here is: guy gets pissed off, abuses girl, girl helplessly cries, guy becomes so sweet it's sickening, girl forgives and forgets... and the cycle repeats. because somebody allows it to loop - infinite times. if i remember it right, the way to stop an infinite loop is, hit control break... hehe break it!

some women are brave enough to know when enough's enough. i salute them for being courageous fighters. some don't have the guts to quit. well, mga mudra, waiting for a miracle won't do the trick.

the bottom line though is, i guess there are abusers because the abused ones tolerate the abuser's abuse and allow the abusers to continuously abuse them (too much "abuse" in that sentence haha. i've never seen that much "abuse" word used in a sentence). or some people are just too sick to be in a relationship and nothing but professional medical assistance (not love alone) could help.

how to end it? ted faylon used to recite this everyday in hoy gising: "walang mang-aabuso kung walang magpapaabuso" (pero ang nang-aabuso, may topak haha! madugtungan lang e!)

manang again

manang is becoming a suki in my blog. starting to really annoy every hibla of OUR nerves! i know that maids have a day-off, no prob about it. but not DAYS-OFF. it happens almost every weekend now. she'll leave saturday morning, head back here sunday night if we're lucky. if malas, monday morning na. hay. could you believe it, she's off even on holidays? kuya calls her the "bakasyonista" na nga e! duh! when weekends come, my goal sana is: kain, tulog - complete rest. so it never happens 'cause we alternately do the dishes and ligpit some (if sinipag). the kawawa one's really my mom 'cause she cooks pa when manang's out. but hey! i cooked baked mac for dinner ha (it tastes ok!).

ma's starting to lose her temper about it 'cause the idea of having a maid sana is, you work hard on weekdays and rest on weekends. this evening, it was my turn to wash the dishes. but before that, i was kinda dozing off na while watching tv. heard ma starting to wash the dishes so i shouted... "ma, iwan mo na yan. ako maghuhugas ngayon.", and continued to doze off. ok when i woke up, ma's almost done with the dishes. asked her why she washed and she kind of angrily replied "e natutulog ka na e!". and i answered shyly, "e gigising pa naman ako e. sabi ko ako maghuhugas e". and it's not like i could sleep the night away on the sofa! =(

i felt bad. obviously, she's not mad at me. she's mad at manang. naibuntong lang sakin and all moms are licensed to explode at you when they're mad about something else. poor me can't pass that anger to anybody else. so what did i do? i washed my undies. mega kusot! sige sa undies ibuntong ang galit. patay lahat ng dumi! kahit mga good lactobacilli shirota strain, deaders! didn't break the garter naman... and i guess i could still wear them pa naman. still intact.

hmmm... we're not lucky tonight so i guess she'll be back tomorrow na. bwahaha! (imagine count dracula's laugh) somebody's going to have a good long sermon tomorrow! and i can't wait! haha bad!

note: super sarap ng buhay ni manang dito. she finishes her tasks at around 9am. she's free 'til we come home at around 7pm. so she just watches tv (while lying on a comfy sofa), sleeps, reads magazines during free time. anybody interested to replace her? just send me a message hahaha!

panunumpa

i heard this song during communion. it's really heart warming and one of those songs na parang pang-God yet pwede ring pang lover. pero more like pang-God. very unconditional. =) i remember camz was asking for good wedding songs. this is a very touching and inspiring one. plus the melody's really kaka-inlove. tipong gusto mong pakinggan while your hands are perfectly locked with someone else's hands, nasa rocking chair kayo or watching sunset... haha! sige pang-God na nga lang. =) yun kasi, it never ceases to exist. =) kebs sa condition mo, it's just there! =)

PANUNUMPA
carol banawa

Ikaw lamang ang pangakong mahalin
Sa sumpang sa'yo magpakailan pa man
Yakapin mo'ng bawat sandali,
Ang buhay kong sumpang sa'yo lamang alay,

At mapapawi ang takot sa 'kin
Pangakong walang hanggan

Ikaw lamang ang pangakong susundin
Sa takbo sakdal, liwanagan ang daan
Yakapin mong bawat sandali,
Ang buhay kong sumpang sa'yo lamang alay

At mapapawi ang takot sa 'kin
'Pagkat taglay lakas mong akin

Ikaw ang siyang pag-ibig ko
Asahan mo ang katapatan ko
Kahit ang puso ko'y nalulumbay,
Mananatiling ikaw pa rin

Ikaw lamang ang pangakong mahalin
Sa sumpang sa'yo magpakailan pa man
Yakapin mo'ng bawat sandali,
Ang buhay kong sumpang sa'yo lamang alay,

At mapapawi ang takot sa 'kin
Pangakong walang hanggan

At mapapawi ang takot sa 'kin
Pagkat taglay lakas mo'ng angkin

christmas na, christmas na, ang saya-saya!

finally, i had my first round of christmas-gift-shopping. yesterday, after grocery, mom and i walked around to buy some gifts. i'm done with my inaanaks' and lola's gifts. yahoo! hope they like my presents!

that night, i talked with maricor over the phone. she said, "grabe yung mga toys sa SM, murang-mura lang sa tyangge and divi! gaya nung winnie the pooh na kotse na may tugtog! P150 lang sa tyangge! sus! edi mas mura pa sa divi!"... dingdingdingdingding! that's the sound of bell alarm in my head! haha! i did buy that pooh! for P200! haha! so much for value! akala ko nakamura na ko sa winnie na yun.

oh well, i don't have too much time left and i have to make some progress and shorten my presents-list somehow! if mom and i won't be lazyheads, we might continue the shopping "process" later. crossing my fingers here...

it's good that here at home, we have a wishlist so i'm not that pressured of the one-million-dollar-question: what to give? what to give? what to give? mom wishes for a turbo broiler. kuya wishes for a car alarm. win is wishless pa haha! my wish? converter for usb port and a a small radio tuner for the office. no, not the mumu ones. those get easily broken duh... ayaw ko na nun! hmmm... maybe i could get them small somethings so we still have this element of surprise on gift-giving day. ya that's good! =) 20 days to go!!! =) i can feel it!

batch anniv, year 3

hay... it's been three years with a wonderful group of people. i've shared a few tears with them and quite a lot of laughter! =) countless kodak moments etched in the heart. it's my pleasure that i've spent my first working experience with these people. it hasn't been tough, in fact it is very delighting... always!

and last friday marked our third year together. though it was a bit stormy in the morning, we decided to go out and have some fun that night. donna and i were working from home that morning and headed off to the office to meet with the guys.

we decided to extend our wings to libis (mine lang actually, ako ang first timer sa libis). had dinner at fazoli's with donna, rico, and mak. caloy, harbie, and maricor followed shortly. too bad the following band members didn't make it:

ate thyra - wasn't at the office (maybe because of the storm)
kuya jimmy - he had other plans that night
ate cindy - was in night shift
mommy aileen - had to attend to baby allen's and papa abet's needs

after dinner and konting tambay, went to oj's. and here, a most historical thing happened... i gulped my first bottle of beer all the way to the last drop! it wasn't that bad. konting hilo lang and that's it. i'm not actually hoping to improve my beer drinking habits. haha! i'm sticking to one-bottle-per-gimik! it tastes bad pa rin!

oh well, i think we haven't changed that much. we're still the same laughter-hungry people. looking forward to more years with these bunch of cool people, either inside or outside the walls of servisoft.

1st time...

kong makaubos ng beer oooh wow! hehe! hilo..



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mainit na sabaw

Cant sleep. Kinda hungry. Theres a baby tiger in my
tummy. I could feel it! Id love to have a hot bowl of
sopas or sotanghon or lucky me beef mami or lugaw or
arroz caldo or nissin cup noodles... Yummie! Caths,
itulog mo na yan kse wla ka mahahagilap na sabaw
ngayon... Oh, ok... Off to sleep then. Kausapin ba ang self?!



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yongyong the bagyo

overheard maricor earlier: "ano nga ba pangalan ng bagyo? yongyong ba?" hehe! tawa kme lahat! is that like double yongca? =)

obviously, yoyong's still furious right now. it's really loud outside and fallen leaves are piling up already.

i feel bad for grumbling and whining, for the past few days, over how sad i get when i hear the sound of raindrops... when other people are fighting for their lives right now. and hundreds of families are homeless and hungry, bruised and dying, cold and lost. while dead leaves are piling outside my home, dead bodies are brutally piling up elsewhere... some couldn't even be found, and those who were located couldn't be identified or couldn't be given a decent burial... to think that christmas is coming in a few weeks. and my worries are trivial thoughts of "i haven't started shopping for gifts yet..." shame on me. =(

it's good though that the wind's slightly calming down now. the forecasts said that yoyong will be out of the country tomorrow. hope the news tomorrow will be something lighter than what was aired earlier.

i'm done downloading my citrix... that way i can work from home tomorrow... afraid of flying yeros! received instructions that we could work from home tomorrow. hmm this is new (for me). or maybe i'll go to work just the same. whatever... i'm not in the mood to complain. =)

extended vacation

didn't go to work. apparently my experiences with horsie (ay ang pangit pakinggan!), just horsing around (mas pangit haha!), left my body pained and bruised. hmmm... i'd rather have body pain than emotional pain... riche is right in warning us that it'll be painful! =(

as my friend said, "ano ba yan? madidivi rin lang sa horsie pa! at babae pa si horsie!"... haha the best hirit!

and now, i feel like i'm going to have a fever. horsie had nothing to do with the fever. i guess the weather's just not that good - not suitable for human survivor haha oa. it's a good thing the rain got tired of just pouring down. in fact it was a sunny day this morning when i woke up, but it's getting kinda cloudy and cold again. =(

had a cup of cold coffee and as expected, heart beat's gone mad with matching headache (on the right side only haha!). guess i'm just going to enjoy the remaining hours of my extended vacation =)

it was inside that i cried...

i know i shouldn't have... it was really a big mistake. the sound of raindrops and this certain sequence that passed by my life made me do it, and then i cried. only, there are no tears. isn't that weird? i know i'm crying but my eyes are dry.

how could certain people be so unoriginal and cliched in choosing a name? i mean, there are dozens of unused names out there? why use MY pet name? as if you care... as if it matters.

well, as i said about a million times... if it makes you happy, it can't be that bad (for you, that is). one thing i know though... something very basic... what comes up must come down. maybe not now; not in this lifetime. i hope you'll be numb then. that way you won't know how it actually feels =)... wishing everybody well =)

tagaytay notable notes

to be a kid... is something i'm dying to experience again. we've seen the kids' fascinated faces while playing around with the carabao statues in front of greenbelt church (our meeting place). they're just so adorable! return to innocence...

magaganda pero kuripot... said the owner of the inn where we stayed... at least maganda! haha! a deal's a deal, and that is, P1,100 for an overnight stay. we wouldn't have insisted if we didn't have an agreement with the fixer! it's your problem, not ours. bitch! haha! suddenly riche and i were reminded of a certain tita in belair... sheesh they're everywhere!

nature trip... in tagaytay picnic grove is superb. makes me want to be a flower haha! labo! the eco park (?) is really something! makes me want to thank the one supreme creator over and over again... for bringing such wonders into life.

happy memories... suddenly flashed back in my mind; even if the quality time included falling off the passenger seat and being laughed at =)... twice! times when you didn't have a care in the world as long as you're happy and snug with someone you love(d) (back then).

my horsie... is one cool animal! =) i wasn't able to make her gallop. the instructions were: "i-whip mo nitong tali, tapos tadyakan mo sa tyan". isn't that mean? stupid me... tried to whip him, ended up whipping my leg! tange! tried to make tadyak, ended up just merely brushing my feet on her belly or ribs?! i can't! poor horsie. anyway, my horsie and i had a good stroll haha! =) and occasional small gallops with the help of manong's palo sa butt (ng horsie, not mine haha).

buy a tripod... is something i should do (liza, kaw rin!). do i need to explain?

i'd love to... have a rest house in tagaytay. someday, when i win the lotto! as for now, life is hard!

big mak's... is a superb burger stand. they sell P29 burgers with iced tea. reminded me of burgers and sandwiches in CC during college. yummie!

sniffing drugs... well, we just assumed that the guys in the house opposite ours were doing that. we could see them from the window and they have these candles or whatever fire-source those were; they were pretty quiet. what else could they have been doing? having a prayer meeting? don't think so! haha!

revelation... always makes me smile. haha! hey! i'm not alone! _____ and i are in the same league. and though i thought the only difference is _____, hindi raw. haha! if i were a food, i'd probably be... jam! haha!

giving away blind items... is something i won't do haha! baka patayin ako ng 2 pretty gals ko. super fun talga ang trip! try everything while you're young. soon, you may find out you don't have the stamina to do so. be happy! =)

tagaytay...

On the way to tagaytay with two pretty girls, riche
and liza.. OP ako haha! Theyre starting to doze off
and i always have a hard time sleeping in a moving
vehicle.. What else to do but blog.. Three.. We
noticed how the kada have travelled in threes. Subic:
camille, liza, caths. Puerto: liza, caths, ecel (and
james). And now tagaytay.. Hmmm curse daw, liza said.
This is cool! I know now how to commute to tagaytay!
Sounds like a good getaway when i get fed up. Naaah.
Im not that adventurous. But maybe, yeah, i could try
it some time. Geez! The last time i checked, most
buses have curtains to, you know, shield off the sun.
Is this bus from mars? Or africa maybe! Gotta stop!
Getting dizzy again..




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palipas oras while traffic instead na mabugnot...

Hay.. On our way to tayuman. Tita pings birthday.
Waah! Ang layo! Traffic is kinda bad.. Hay. Anyway,
whats good is we will see my adorable niece, lianne.
She looks a bit like shan cai. Whats funny is she has
this mindoro accent because she spent her earlier
years there. Plus she thinks like an adult! Cute kid!
Hope i could post some pics later. Tomorrow is
tagaytay day with college chums. Good way to alter the
monotone of my life. If itll be awesome tomorrow, we
might spend the night there. Just look for an inn
probably.. If not, then head back home by 5? Hmmm...
Tagaytay brings some good memories. Geez! Traffic!
Init na ulo ng driver aka kuya hehe.. Quiapo church
na. I guess ill stop na. Getting kinda dizzy n wiwi
mode na! Waah!



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and yet more time with dear notie

hmm... i spend an average of 40 hrs a week with donna. from the time i step into the office, to our hundred-restroom-trips-a-day, breakfast, lunch, afternoon break. and if we go out after office hours, hmm... more bonding time! geez... i guess, i spend most of my awake-hours with her!!! and as if that isn't enough, everyday we still have a wide array of topics to talk about. walang repeat ng topic haha! chika ever! isn't that amazing?

no lakads tonight so donna and i decided to go to the world trade center ONLY to purchase loreal products USING CREDIT CARD haha... they're giving out more than 50% discount on most items! hmmm... it hit me just now that the products will probably expire soon that's why they're almost giving them away. they have this room where only a number of people are allowed to come in at a time. all the rest waited in a lousy queue outside. what's most annoying is... just as we're about to enter, as in hahakbang na papasok sa room, the attendant dryly announced that they've reached the cut-off and they're calling it a day... darn it... so much for loreal.

oh well, we just scouted the rather typical bazaar, bought a few christmas presents, and headed off to bluewave for dinner part 2 (part 1 consisted of burger mcdo meal and a tiny sized iced tea, P25). it was weird in bluewave 'cause the setup was like a sayawan but all the people were prim and proper, sitting silently... corny haha!

oh, we almost got lost on the way home... aren't we stupid? haha! maligaw ba sa hometown (mine, that is)?

it was a good night =)

can't sleep

i slept early last night... and now i can't sleep... why?

had a 30-min nap at 11pm. susme tama bang mag nap ng 11pm? ang alam ko sa nap e... mga lunch time ganun ba... good luck kung anong oras ako makatulog!

found out i have 10 bruises on my legs, mostly on the right hita. 1 lang sa left. talgang binilang ko raw! i don't know where i got them... oh no not another paranoia attack haha! no more!

heart beats a little fast na naman. dunno why either. stopped drinking coffee na nga e... tea lang is that bad too?

a little bit sad... thinking that it will be a cold christmas for nanay and ivan, knowing that daddy's not around too...

wishing i were a fairy... then i could make everybody's wishes come true =)... but you have to go through this process: you have to submit some forms, i'll review them, ask counsel from God, and approve or disapprove your wishes... swhing! =)

napagatripan ko na naman kuya ko... bwahahaha!

actual ym conversation... all characters and situations are not fiction.

aldwin: may kilala ka bang sa coke nagwowork ngayon?
caths: wala eh bakit?
aldwin: naghahanap ako ng commercial ng coke e
caths: yung tito raw ni char
aldwin: ano yung tito ni char?
aldwin: sa coke nagwowork?
caths: oo
aldwin: tanong mo nmn kung may commercial sila nung coke... yung maliiit na bottle ng coke na kumakanta ng xmas na
caths: kaya lang may problema
caths: maliit na problema lang naman
aldwin: ano?
caths: pumanaw na ang tito nya
caths: may kilala ka bang esperitista?
aldwin: potang ina!!!!
caths: bat ka ba nagmumura?
caths: may nasabi ba kong mali?

wonders of the world

sleepy head... i wanted to sleep the minute i opened my eyes this morning... my eyes were mere horizontal lines throughout this day haha. darn it... matulog kse nang maaga eh!

hmmm... isn't it amazing how it happens? pouring it gradually (but not cautiously) to creatures with still faces... and souls with no voices... beings who offer nothing but comforting words and happy smiles and meaningful expressions - and you expect nothing more but you become so satisfied and fulfilled, as if you had the best pat on your back.

fascinating how these could be enough to make you smile likewise... as compared to whatever superficial and undefined emotion you get from something that used to be so full of vibrant life and promises - these are more unreal than those you cannot touch and see. mumu maybe? maybe...

bati na kami ni win!!!

sleepy again. slept late... i've had too much of the major thing... plus major_friend's making vulgar revelations in my tagboard! haha peace tayo ah!

earlier, i went home to "perform some bodily functions" and decided to eat my lunch at home as well. win was there, watching jackass. and i thought maybe it's about time to speak with him again. it's been like 3 weeks? if i'll wait for him to make the first move, ay naku baka mamatay ako nang nde kami nag-uusap...

well, i just sat down beside him... slapped his leg (yeah brutal e no! mahina lang naman!), and asked him, "ano?". he just smiled shyly, like he always does, and that's about it! bati na kami! i didn't hear him say sorry or anything that would imply that he's sorry. he just smiled... and that's enough. anyway, mom talked with him already. i bet he'll still do the same stuff over and over... if he wants to learn the hard way, then let him do it the hard way... the only thing is, his body won't allow him to do just about everything and i guess he doesn't fully understand that. enjoying the freedom he has earned when he stepped into college way beyond what he could handle...

realized that i only have 3 family members left and what we don't have in terms of quantity, we should make up in terms of quality. hay i love my mom... kuya... win... if only i'm this vocal to them... =)

*jackass rocks! those guys are so freaking crazy! pero parang wala na ata neto ngayon sa mtv?

guess what?!?!?

major ding's haunting me wherever i go! i see his image everywhere haha! i hear the music!!! haha!

the last i heard, he's restrained in a camp somewhere... and investigations are ongoing...

snippets of thoughts

good breakfast over at lolo dan's after the mass. the 70+ yr-old lolo dan still calls his wife "ma"... isn't that the sweetest? hope my family will be like that in the future. hope i'll reach my 70th birthday, be cool and still rock!

saw the second most disturbing thing (after the animal-humping-a-man thing) last night. a certain AFP major was "striking" his strikers. he actually video-taped his malicious behaviors with his helpless neophytes... major is macho and gay! major is gwapo and ding!

it's another gloomy day! sun's hiding again... all blue and sulky =(

having this certain fondness over someone. oooh.. is it a crush? generally feel uneasy and shy and happy when he's around... oh, stop! it's just a little crush!

the corner of my right eye is making small tiboks... is twitching the term? ma says i should rest more...

dimsum's band launch at sop. abbey (lead) and elena (back-up) are my HS schoolmates and i'm sooo proud of them! bad trip! i missed it!

notie, your man's different! he's not like the "regular" guy. i saw this look in his eyes and i knew then that he can't live without you. trust me... HE WILL BE STRONG ENOUGH TO FIGHT ANYTHING OR ANYONE THAT WILL COME BETWEEN YOU TWO. =)

oooh, i bought this new pair of cutie slippers for P60. the old one's torn na. ang tagal kong pinagtyagaan nun ah! ang hirap maglakad pag sira ang tsinelas... marupok at mahina walang tibay na maaasahan! hmp! hope this new one's better =)

also bought this comfy sofa bed yesterday. after much deliberation and a million and one hassles over credit card verification, we finally purchased it! christmas in this home will be cozy and warm and good! yahoo!

heard over the buzz: dino guevarra's philandering and he physically abused kim. heard over rated k: a man's wishing "sana 2 ang puso ko" because he lives with 2 women. and the two women are ok with it. girls, wake up!!! this is the new age and mrtyrdom over men is laos na!

gloomy saturday

woke up at 11am. had a good chat with camz last night: updates, updates. =) camz, talk to you soon. maybe next week? when all of us are in tagaytay... yeah, from baguio to tagaytay. i hope this one pushes through. =)

anyway, it was a blessing that we didn't go to baguio (last night supposedly) 'cause i heard there's this virus there... i forgot the name... i'd call it flu with rashes rather than the scientific-med-hard term... hard to spell and fathom and remember. i'd leave that stuff to jo... hehe! he's the expert... not only in that, but also in jingle bells and coco products haha! nasty!

it's so gloomy! no sunshine, only rain... i hate it when it rains! it's simply cold and sad. everything has hints of gray and everything seems to have extra shadows... scary... i don't like the sound of raindrops either. they sound like tears.

i saw my reflection earlier and i noticed that my skin's still dark from all the sun bathing i did last summer. the suit marks are still on my back... haha remnants of the original hue. counted and there are only a few more months before the sun and the salty water kiss us again. even mauie's already in the mood for summer (and wedding haha kulit!). go ahead and change your layout kokopya na lang ako haha!

i'm outta here... before i entertain any further damaging thoughts, better get ready for grocery! =)

christmas na!

another friday... =) supposed to meet wendy for either a visit to st. paul or videoke session. di natuloy.

i saw a lot of christmas lights along my way home. very fascinating and pleasing to the eyes! plus, there's this special christmasy chill when you wake up in the morning until you close your eyes at night. and i just love it! the season of giving gifts and just being merry and just taking a good rest from work. it's also the season when your bonus goes through this painstaking process:

employer
\--> your bank account
     \--> palm of your hands
           \--> malls --> bank
           \--> inaanaks --> parents' pockets
           \--> loved ones --> malls
           \--> bills
           \--> exchange gift
           \--> more bills
           \--> vacation

amazing, eh?!

of course the christmas mode around here will extend until the 3rd week of january because of the fiesta =). goody! i love it!

* turns out that sometimes, even twinkling lights and festive mood and cheerful sights and sounds aren't enough to cover up remnants of pain... ma and i bought this new facial product called ERASE, which claims that it can "erase" pimples, whiteheads, etc. why don't we have a product that works the same way, only from the inside... as in "apply this product on your heart and it will erase all traces of aches and pains... your heart will beat anew... try it and feel it... ERASE"

* happy birthday in advance... to THE dear baby boy!

just keeps getting better...

it never fails. i keep on receiving disgusting, disappointing, annoying updates and news regarding something i'd rather forget. i don't look for those. i just sit and live here silently minding my own business. i mean, i don't go out of my way to look for facts that will only hurt and irritate me. they come my way through various means!! my goodness! am i a magnet of negative feedback and vibes?

i don't want to see those.
i don't want to hear those.
i don't want to read those.
i don't want to view those.
i just want to put it all behind me.

i get affected and so i try to avoid those for the longest time. BUT THEY HEED ME! waaah!

it feels good to share secrets sometimes. you get the feeling (or illusion?) that somehow the load gets lighter.

and the doubt rises again

the other night, i accidentally left P200 beside this monitor. the morning after, only P100 is left... another mystery of things just magically disappearing somehow, with the common denominator that is manang...

the PS2 issue around here is still fresh since we still don't know if manang had something to do with it. we just accepted the issue as it was, shrugged the negative thought off, and tried to just forget about it.

but now... i'm beginning to somehow unintentionally "cultivate" a tiny level of doubt in manang due to the following facts:

she commented that before midnight, she went down to make wiwi and saw kuya using the pc. she saw the 200 beside the monitor... --> most amazing how she managed to notice that money when it was piled among clutters of paper. it was almost hidden! i wouldn't have noticed that if i were sleepy as hell and i had the wiwi urge.

this morning, she kept on blabbing how she looked for that bill around the house. --> ok, acceptable. i have no fuss over this behavior.

she blabbed further that the reason she has money now is, my mom just gave her her salary. --> ooops... sablay. i was not asking! why the heck do you have to defend yourself to death?

i told ma and kuya that, again, she is innocent until proven guilty. kuya says otherwise - she is guilty until proven innocent. somebody's not yet over with the stolen PS2 issue! (look who's talking!) haha talk about positive vibrations huh! that's quite mean, man! put a little more trust! we'll see... in just a little while...

baby allen rocks!

finally... we (with donna, maricor, harbie, thyra, and rico) saw baby allen!!! awww so cute! mommy aileen and daddy abet are so lucky to have their little tabachingching angel. he's 3 months old. he's so chubby (pong pagong?). he's so adorable. he's so bait. didn't even hear him cry. he just stared back blankly at us while we looked like fools trying to get his attention and playing around with him.

i bet if he could only tell us how he felt, he'd say "duh! what are you creatures trying to do with me? you're scaring me! you look like weird and mean people! what are you trying to teach me?!?" haha... he's really an angel. asked aileen if we could take him home even for just a week. ayaw. damot! haha! ginawang toy si baby allen! i could still smell the scent of allen's grip on my finger =) ang bango bango!

another i-want-a-baby mood (not necessarily a spouse haha)... =) i should get a puppy instead. i read... to satisfy your parental yearnings, nurse a puppy.

* aug, 2006 is a significant year... tama, friend? anyway, it could always be moved the next year... latest is 2007 siguro =)

bye bye baguio

it's tested and proven. if you get way too excited over a trip, it won't push through! =( for the past week, this has been my avatar image:

overly excited for baguio, i customized my avatar to simulate my would-be look for the trip. i even planned to dress up just like that and strike a pose beside a pony when i get there on the 20th. haha! i have a sweat jacket just like that...

ok... until my mom felt some negative vibes over this trip and asked me to pass on this trip. plus, there were 2 black butterflies
in our house that night she made that request.

my mom's this cool, lenient mom and she just nods her head when i have a trip. no curfews, no conditions, doesn't even fuss who i'm with. she has this overflowing level of trust in me (and in people). that's why when she feels bad about it, i simply abide! just going back to the basic and simple "mom knows best" principle.

mga makasaysayang "lakad", literally, ng buhay ko

i kind of lost na my momentum for this post... but worth posting 'cause i literally walked and walked for almost 18 hours. now my legs hurt and it feels like they're gonna fall off from my body soon haha morbid.

unang walk - ccp and baywalk jog/walk with the pretty and sexy maricor (630-900am)
notable notes:

the last time i jogged there was about 20 yrs ago... socks: the ones with like fur balls above the heels na uso noon. lemme draw it...

there were a couple of aerobic groups there! cool! my mom would love that!

after walking around the ccp complex, you could always traverse the baywalk!

baywalk is a schizo and has 2 faces: day (the family mode) and night (the gimik mode)

i will never forget manong magtataho's kind gesture of accepting our P15 payment for 2 glasses of taho (actual cost: P20) just because he doesn't have change for P100.

likewise, the kind gesture of the elderly joggers who offered us their breakfast baon - hot soup... they have this big pot of soup that reminded us of lolo jehan, nelo, and patrash.

had the best breakfast at mcdo, p. gil (na nilakad din namin from baywalk)! hotcakes and cold chocolate! yummers!

pangalawang walk - women's forum at the world trade center with ma (100-500pm)
notable notes:

it was really boring. full of contacts-hungry organizations.

setting: hundreds of walk-in booths that offer products, services, or simply get your contact info

nevertheless, good bonding ito with ma

pangatlong walk - powerbooks power walk with myself (530-730pm)
notable notes:

the girls and i were supposed to meet at 7, but i went straight to makati from the women's forum rather than go home pa. sayang effort.

there were no seats available so while scanning for books, i just stood there, walked a little... scan, stand, read, walk... for almost 2 hours!

finally at around 645, the carpet area was finally opened. i read half of this "indulgence" book.

pang-apat na walk - dinner at italianni's and greenbelt stroll with riche, allen, mauie, ecel (730-1100pm)
notable notes:

simply put, great food!

oh, we met the famous italianni, the owner of the resto! hihihi! ask the girls!!! i swear!

there were about a million birthday celebrants that night!

we concluded that you have to be a professional singer and dancer before you could be hired as an italianni's food attendant.

a night stroll at greenbelt park is so relaxing... the kids at the fountain are so adorable!

we learned that mauie bought her bra strap from freeway haha i-broadcast ba?

pang-limang walk - clubbing at a certain "sayawan" in greenbelt with the girls, except mauie (1100pm-100am)
notable notes:

wild crowd!

young crowd!

nasty foreigners!

i actually took some gulps of sanmig light! i thought i could NEVER tolerate the taste of beer... but, hey! it actually tastes like cali, ampalaya flavor

it was really good to have danced my heart out with the girls... bumped backs and bodies with people you don't know... naniko ng mga irritating people... constantly checked if there were still 4 bags, and a jacket, on the floor.

music and a know-it-all doll

This day was ok. Everything was really great until i
put myself in a very vulnerable situation: alone in my
room, about to sleep, i turned the radio on, sang
along (yeah, even with erroneous lyrics), and
foolishly entertained some thoughts again. How cant i
when sad songs invade my nerves? And this doll is
staring right through me? Reading my thoughts. Darn
it, she knows, doesnt she? She has this smile that
tells me -- I know! --. Turns out shes more loyal to
the giver than to me. I have a weak sense of self
control tonight. I have all the power to turn the
radio off and likewise put the know-it-all doll in a
box. Yeah let them (and my hormones) overpower my will
tonight. Tomorrow ill go jogging with maricor to shake
off these negative vibes.



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manang is annoying when she...

has her eyes glued on the tv...

all day and literally all night!

talks and rants with a megaphone voice while i'm watching tv. (off topic: yeah... i've pretty much accepted my role as a constant shock absorber... at least i have the ability to hear and somehow ease others' pains)

switches the tv to another channel while i'm watching FRIENDS. heck! i turned my alarm on so i won't fail to watch FRIENDS and she made lipat just when it was about to end; hello! i'm still here!

switches the channel to gma to watch the equally annoying mike enriquez. i like tv patrol. don't like 24 oras.

other than those, i love everything about manang... how she keeps the house decent, how she washes and irons our clothes, how she kills all gamo-gamos at night and sweeps them out of the house, how she opens the water pump every morning when i call out her name from the bathroom (pag ako naliligo, laging nauubusan ng tubig. i swear!). stay cool, manang! thanks for "consuming" my semi-tasteless oatmeal cookies!

=( =( =( sponge caths stressed out =( =( =(

my my... i feel so stressed out today. for starters, i had the weirdest and ugliest dream - about suicide (not mine), blood, and other scary stuff. i actually remember the stale smell of blood from that horrible dream... too heavy to handle for the day.

round two, it's almost the time of the month... and i get all depressed and i generally feel unwell and my tummy gets all rumbly and everything from here to there just aches a little and i become just a little bit bratty and pouty and sulky and i just don't stop complaining... hear me?

round three, i received the greatest shocker via a phone call - at work! it was a big mistake to give her my number. i was actually expecting that. somebody's REALLY mad over somebody who's REALLY close to me. the mad one's pouring it all out to me and i got all shaky and nervous. she somehow sounded mad at me too... i was losing my temper but i held on just a little bit and i did her a big favor by becoming this superelcetromagneticultrablastic sponge for her for about 30 mins. yeah yeah i swallowed them all. i was trying to defend my friend but realized it's nonsense and dangerous... she's got no ears at this point in her life. please, bless her with mighty ears. in the end, i calmly said, "why don't you talk to her about it to settle things? it's not my job to defend her anyway". thank heavens she got convinced. i almost added "remember who we're serving here?" but i just shrugged the thought off. i don't want to sound preachy preachy and goody goody at the same time bitchy bitchy.

=( =( =( i need a looong rest... =( =( =(

* friend, if you're reading this, please don't send me THAT offline message. i don't want to see it now. i don't ever want to see it. pleeease?!?

bakit daw hindi "madevelop"

i know everything's just a joke, but why not answer the question? patulan once and for all for wala lang reasons. i'll be as serious hihi and discreet (hell! i should be discreet!) as possible. here are my mostly illogical, unreasonable, but honest reasons...

because of the friendster principle aka it's-a-small-world-after-all principle

three's a crowd. four's an army. heck! four?!? totally unbelievable!

i still believe you insistently extract something out of me for purely egotistic reasons

you just love the thought of it. believe me!

we have completely different levels of satisfaction in love and in life

i have a new belief and hope

there's just no spark, butterflies, sweaty palms, or whatever high school stuff they term it - on both parties ha

the last time something like this happened, everything turned grugskliruzkish (what the heck does that word mean? it just sounds so ugly!)

i love whatever we have now... and i want it that way. i'm not really happy about the "two" things you have and i'm praying you can do something about it soon

hindi ako film, i guess? haha ay ang corny ko dun a

my ears are not that bad though and are always available... i believe yours are two of the best i've borrowed, pwedeng lumevel with my girlfriends' ears haha! stay cool!

heaven sent

i received the most wonderful gift and insight last night.

if it was indeed God who had touched me in my dreams, i thank Him for giving me the gift of forgiveness.

now it's my turn to share the gift to someone who's in need of it. and i'm giving it away... sending it his way... =)

5 dozens of lifeless cookies

ok... i have 3 jars of semi-tasteless oatmeal cookies. want some? haha!

i remember the first batch (about 2 dozens) i made a few weeks ago tastes almost perfect. that's why i promised a friend i'll give him some when i bake another batch... i added some cutie raisins pa naman on top para di nakakahiyang ibigay... may decor ba.

what went wrong? well, the instructions clearly state: 1 cup of firmly packed brown sugar. ooopsss...

i forgot to pack it firmly!!!!!! waaaaaaaaah! nooooo!!! OA

dummy me! stupid me! ang tabang! who would want to eat tasteless oatmeal cookies with raisins on top? hmmm... pwede pa rin namang panawid-gutom pag super nanginginig ka na sa gutom... good luck sa mga kakain...

friend, i'm gonna have to bake yet another batch. sorry!!

*mental note: pack the sugar firmly!!!

drifting away

for quite some time now, it's been the same piece of shit. win's not home on time and couldn't be reached. he would often come home very late, or worse on weekends, he'll go home the next day na! brat! text him, call him, what do you know? he doesn't care! we've been too nice... "please call or text us if you'll be late"

we've used and abused the power of technology just so he could get in touch with us... lahat na ng text/call collect chuva... name it! and he still has all sorts of excuses! unbelievable!

last saturday, after numerous attempts of getting in touch with him, i've had enough and i hoped that ignoring him will teach him some lesson. surprise surprise! the little brat knows how to fight back with pride and gives me this equally snobby attitude! maybe he's expecting me to apologize? geez... i didn't realize that earlier! duh! it's been some time since we had a misunderstanding like this... mabigat talga sa dibdib pag may di kabatian...

maybe we've been to lenient with him... enjoying his freedom to the point of going beyond what his body can handle. if he didn't have this heart disease, then he could go ahead and live his life as he wants it in vice city! heck... he's so papa-like talga... multuhin sana ni papa and ituro ang tamang landas... brat

two little secrets

dear you-know-who-you-are,

that was a nice talk. gulat ka no! nagulat din ako. our secrets are safe. we are two lucky bitches ay babes pala hehe mali pa e! at least we got out of it safe and not extremely damaged... haha!

let's just take these as blessings in disguise... now i don't want you having second thoughts about it, ok?!? that's something beyond normal and we're not brought in this world to tolerate and nurse the abnormalities of bruised people. that's definitely out of our control. let's not play gods here... clear?

you're not alone. i'm not alone. =) and we'll get through with grace.

*winky wink =)

light magic

saw the most fascinating thing over ibc today - photocatalyst technology in japan. if i remember it right, titanium oxide is used to coat the surface of ceramic tile or glass. once light touches the surface, any trace of dirt is wiped clean... now that's what i call a NEAT technology! some buildings are coated with the solution and every morning, upon the rising of the sun, presto! spic and span! even annoying traces of water droplets become invisible after a rain... ang shoray!

how fools behave

bump.
ouch.
bump.
ouch.
bump.
ouch.
bump.
ouch.
bump.
ouch.
bump.
ouch.
.
.
.
*this just keeps on repeating infinite times...

love before sex, or sex before love?

this is quite an interesting topic... saw it at y speak in abscbn.

i caught a few lines from the debaters:

love before sex:

what difference do we have with animals if you have sex without love?

love is commitment and you don't just sleep with people you don't love

sex is done for the purpose of pro-creation, therefore it should be done by people in love, who have pure intentions

sex before love:

sa panahon ngayon, be practical! dapat sex muna nang sex bago mo malaman kung love mo sya (caths says: duh! mukang wala lang syang maisip na masabi haha)

as long as you're responsible for your actions, it's ok

you have to know if you're sexually compatible with your partner before you tie the knots.

wanna hear my thoughts?
i guess, the sex-before-love people are mistaking love for marriage. those are two separate things 'cause you could be in love, but not married, and have sex... fine with me. at least you're in love!

i have nothing against people who are in this kind of relationship, i mean engaging in sex outside marriage, as long as they're responsible enough for their actions and they do the act of "it" inside the walls of love... that's why there's the term making love. =) otherwise, that's called humping haha.

on the other hand, sex without love, as in what? making out with strangers? or people you don't love? is a definite no-no for me.. that's when the animal thing comes in.

lastly, it all depends on each person's discretion and i respect everybody's judgment... that we all perceive what is best and what works for us. and my discretion is: the act itself should be contained inside marriage. limitation? i guess as long as you're not being selfish, it's fine. does this mean though that anything but "that" is ok? hmmm... dilemma! and off-topic. =)

all the way to the top...

hmm... this should've been posted last friday night pa... dunno what went wrong =(

with the body state i have right now, i can't believe i still have the energy to lift my arms on keyboard-level to convey my thoughts.

wall climbing was not that bad. ok that's an understatement 'cause it was the best! to think i almost backed out yesterday! it's a good thing i didn't. if i did, i wouldn't have "acquired" the following learnings:

ehem, ehem...

for P195, it was an activity that allowed me to push myself to my limits

the normal vertical-wall type wasn't that hard! =)

the wall that was slightly inclined towards the top was more challenging

the slant-vertical-slant-vertical was extremely hard! i didn't make it through the 2nd slant part

when you feel like you can't go on anymore, you have to let go. know your limitations!

you have to warm up before you make sugod the wall (now my arms hurt like hell... i'm so schufid!)

i can't make it through the fifth level haha!

never wear the underwear that camille gave you (when you go wall climbing lang... i love that green one! thanks camz!) haha!

the rocks smell terrible... i didn't smell it during the climb, i smelled it on my hands eeew! baho!

they have these cute elves'-shoes-look-alike shoes ! goody!

listen to the mentor's instructions... you'll make it to the top! unless, of course, your arms are badly strained na...

take lots of pictures! *wink, wink

i love my chums' company!!!

to be determined: if i could still get out of my bed tomorrow!!!

joke, joke, joke!

cristy: ano ang kotse ng mga magician?
caths: ano?
cristy: e 'di chedeeeeeeeng!!!!

bwahahaha!

annoyances vs mood lifters

some annoying things about my morning:

hearing mike enriquez's voice over the radio... so annoying! extremely annoying!

sleeping for only 5 hours because of telebabad. lousy! slept at 2 am (this item has a corresponding reason to smile item )

crying just a little for certain reasons

being free but not being free at all

PGMA claiming that the philippine's financial status is improving

returning to my old vice of drinking coffee. tibok tibok (that's my heart thumping hard again!)

but there are reasons to smile still:

watching episodes 3 to 6 of smallville with kuya

making a certain person smile... somehow

only 1 weekend before payday (i thought we're going to have 2 more weekends)

* hearing someone's pains and somehow absorbing those pains; talking about kalokohan and fooling around! haha! (now here's a guy complaining about a girl! instead of the usual girl-complaining-about-guy stuff... music in my ears!)

bringing along 2 bananas for dessert

having another holiday! (2 actually: 15th and 29th)

baguio on the 19th!

oooh wow it was a close fight! and the score is: 7-6 in favor of reasons to smile... and so i smile! =)

one cool watch

saw the coolest watch. i like! i remember seeing this from someone, i forgot who she is haha! anyway, jet's leaving for the states soon and she'll be back on dec. 10. might as well make pabili haha! this is a nice christmas gift for myself =) weee!

suddenly i'm 12 again! wooohooo! cool!

guess what? i'm chatting with ivan right now. i went online to post how boring my day was... and there he is... the charming and sometimes sungit but equally lovable ivan... greeted me with a cute "te musta ka na" no punctuation marks parang walang emotions but so cute! i miss this kid! now i have something more interesting to talk about!

i'm pouring it all out with a 12-yr old kid, who's pouring it all out as well! =) cuteee! we're talking about serious stuff here! crushes and studies! haha! i love hearing from kids! i love how they sulk or get excited on the overly trivial matters (for us, that is!)... sometimes, i get tired of hearing about "adult" stuff. matters that cause nothing but sadness, anxiety, and sorrow.

he tried to show me his webcam view. i didn't see it 'cause i have a firewall... "ano yung firewall?" he asked... aaah so cute! the innocence of kids. sometimes i wish i still have that innocence and care-ko attitude. as in "care ko sa inyo! i'm busy playing with my stuff!" haha!

now we're playing tic-tac-toe using the doodle imvironment... cool eh?!? first round... i lost... over a 12-yr old? haha some brains i have huh!

i also remember the day justin proudly showed me his drawings... cool ones! haha! he spread them all out on the floor... i miss those kids =).

isn't it weird and funny how, as kids, we badly wish we were grown ups... and now that we've grown, we want to go through this reverse osmosis (huh ano yun? it just sounds like a nice reverse thing so i used the term haha!) process. return to innocence!

and he ended it with another cute "cge ate caths bukas nalang kasi kain na kmi e. online ka uli bukas ha" aaaw so sweet! i love kids!

my sassy girl (again) and enemy at the gates

haaay... watched my sassy girl again, this time with win. yesterday was with ma and kuya... the other day with office buddies... hmmm... looks like i forced everybody at home to watch the film (thanks to rv for lending me the dvd!). they liked it too no! hmm... manang hasn't watched it yet.

only, i didn't like the girl being so violent. plus the guy being so overly submissive. sumkinuva oa but overly cute din naman! hmm... true story pala sya. i checked out the review and it pretty much tells everything about it. great ending! totally cool!

earlier, watched enemy at the gates. kuya asked me to watch it and it's a good thing i did. it was a very good film. can't take my eyes off the tv! the scenes are so moving and i almost felt like i was there looking through the... what do you call that? i don't know... research says: peep sight. poor sacha! he was too young! his mother didn't know that he died =(

oh, the love scene's so umm... exciting! sneaky! discreet! hush-hush! haha! ganun ang mga gusto kong love scenes! mga patago haha!

hmmm these 2 films are 2001 movies pa... good films! =) and i better sleep another long week coming!

adios, memorias (goodbye, memories... hanep pang teleserye ang dating)!

last night, we went to manila memorial (with ma, kuya, win, and tito corny) to check out how papa, lolo, and lola are doing... haha =) they seem rather peaceful naman and happy. papa's his usual silent self haha! we brought this blanket and made latag on the grass. win and i went off to buy pizza... guess what, we got lost! haha! i called kuya pa to fetch us... tange... naligaw sa memorial haha!

i was cleaning my room this afternoon and i saw "our one only picture". stared at it for about 10 mins... reminisce konti... smiled a little... and put in the SM bag aka trash bag... haha no sense keeping an old photograph if makes you feel sad rather than happy.

i also had to put elmo and this small cute bear inside a bag... i won't throw it though. i just kept it somewhere... oh poor elmo. i could still remember the day elmo came into my life... elmo was sitting on this chair in kfc... he looked so cute! tulog ka muna ha elmo and baby bear...

i also read my old diary (2000 to 2003). mymy! there were a lot of heart aches and pains in there! i really had a lot of spirit in me huh! to hold on to something for almost 4 years despite doubt, a mountain of emotional pain, feelings of unstability... i guess the happy times compensated for the moments of hell... that's how i saw it then. somehow i have regrets. they say there should be no regrets... but that was something i could definitely grasp by the neck but i didn't do anything about it... regrets regrets... if i only knew it would come to this, i should have done what i always wanted to do back then. i didn't because i thought this was something worth keeping and worth fighting for... obviously, i took the risk and i lost the game - for a while...

oh, it's good i'm done cleaning my room... i'm getting kind of muddled whenever i see memory-emitting-stuff! that's why i have to send them all away muna... =) til we meet again elmo!

huhu i'm sick and tired (literally!)

hmm... i feel better now. maybe the jasmine tea and calamansi juice and sugar helped =). i was sneezing like hell (well, hanggang ngayon naman e...) for the past few days. back track... been quite a while since my last post.

thursday night 7pm: videoke with office buddies... grabe! 'di naman ako singer so naturally, sa lalamunan galing ang voice ko -> this produced a mega ouch after the 3-hour singing, errrrr.. sigawan and dance dance session.

thursday night 11pm: had a good swim at rv's place... hmmm it was raining and the water's soooo cold! since it was cloudy, we didn't see the stars... too bad. it was a good swim though, bura lahat ng pagod!!! sarap!

thursday/friday: supposed to sleep over at rv's place... but we didn't sleep... ay naku awake til 530 am! just talked about anything and everything: aroma, super run, formation! name it we talked about it! haha the best!

friday: didn't go to work... bad girl! well, super pagod and feeling sick na e! so i decided to head straight home na lang.

* watched my sassy girl... hay naku, the best itu! made me cry (what doesn't make me cry?)... "fate isn't just waiting for a chance to happen... it's making bridges for the chances..." nice no!

isang rebolusyon

i feel terrible... i have the following stuff making aklas in my tummy:

banana (1 pc)

oatmeal (1 mug)

lunch (about 1 1/2 cups of rice + ulam)

banana (1 pc)

green tea with creamer (1 mug)

water (about 4 glasses)

imagine how i feel today!!! wanna go home na!!!! huwaaaaah!

i tot i taw a scawy biwd...

...saw this display at ace hardware... even tweety bird is in the mood for halloween haha...

my third post

ok... this is my third post. i'm really down today. it all started when i heard the "bad news" this afternoon. now i'm worried. what's next? this isn't an oh-it's-just-a-trivial-matter material... and christmas is coming. everybody should be happy during the pre-christmas, christmas, and post-christmas season...

i'm not really in the mood to be cheerful today or to talk with anybody. can't even force myself to "produce" a fake smile... =( cranky cranky me... =( mom was trying to make a conversation with me earlier, i managed to give her a few nods and aaahs... but my mind was wandering elsewhere. sorry, ma...

i don't know if this headache is a result of the bad news or i just have a headache that's why i'm fussing about the bad news.

focus, caths! it's not what happens, it's how you take it...

i read last night from PDL: train your mind to whisper to God constantly... i chose the phrase "Help me trust you". it was a very timely lesson...

help me trust you...

oops, that was bad news

Lord, help me trust you...

love notes day

for the QA team, friday = love notes day. all works are put on hold and all ears are on rv's boombox hehe! well, it's just a cellphone inside a mug - that's our boombox haha! it's quite difficult to listen so you really have to come closer.

today's letter was from a girl named cathy (not caths hehe). she had a bf who's 5 yrs older than her. he took care of her and really loved her and treated her like a baby (oh, shocks, so sweet. haha!).. and the usual crap happened - the guy met another girl and simply said goodbye to cathy. her story's twist is, the other girl got pregnant. so the guy had no choice but to marry the girl and live in the states.

after 7 years, cathy saw the guy. he tells her he loves her still. all the while, she thought she was over him. but, if i heard it right, she said she thinks she's willing to be a mistress. duh... all the things one can do for love...

anyway, joe d mango naturally took the guy's side (another mega duh) 'cause he was able to give up his happiness for a noble cause, and that is to be responsible for the child. he actually thinks it was a noble act? HE SHOULDN'T HAVE PLAYED AROUND WHILE HE WAS STILL IN A RELATIONSHIP... AND YET ANOTHER DUH!!! ... nde naman ako masyadong galit no? haha sorry it all comes back every once in a while when i hear sad tales like that...

hmmm... my story could qualify for a love notes story haha! magpasa ba raw?

another anyway, i liked what joe said, ...you may be in his heart, but you could never be in his life... that's too sad but it's true... that the only remedy is to let go and move on... =)

childhood kalokohan

just wondering if all filipino children experienced this unexplainable act either in the shower or under the rain...

get a tabo that could snugly fit on your head.

salok water from a timba (or from any water source).

put the tabo firmly on your head, like a hat. be careful so the water won't spill.

feel the vacuumy effect as the water is trapped in the tabo.

then feel the water slowly dripping from the tabo, all over your face and neck and body.

enjoy every dripping moment until there's no more water left in the tabo.

repeat til you feel tired and sawa.

haha wala lang, we were talking about childhood play times. i was surprised to learn that we all, at a certain point in our lives (chilhood phase ha), did this thing. we were wondering where we learned it. did anybody teach that or was it just done out of curiosity by a child?

comments are most welcome! =)

urban legends and my mom's better mood

i don't know what hit the pretty QA people (kasama ko dun ah!) today. we had an extreme chika day! the tales ranged from exorcists to worms to dwendes to kapres to paglilihi and all sorts of creatures and stories that'll give you goosebumps. maybe because halloween is coming and the tv networks air nothing but scare-you-to-hell-movies. ok season na naman ito ng i'm-alone-late-at-night-watching-tv-then-a-scary-scene-is-shown-and-i-run-with-all-my-might-to-my-bedroom-kse-natakot-ako! susme... napakatapang ko talaga!

oh, my mom's in a better mood today! a few weeks ago, her office in NAIA closed and they had to transfer to the fort in makati. she was a bit down because she had to give up the comfort of working nearby (tricycle ride away, like my office =)). plus she had to say goodbye to the people she worked with for quite some time now. she had been pretty quiet and not her usual kulit self, but i noticed a better transition lately. funny pa nga last night, while making kulit kulit and munching a large block of chocolates, she had her jaw locked. susme, di magkaintindihan pag massage and pag rere-align ng jaw nya... she was pretty scared haha! and kanina, while preparing dinner, may pasayaw-sayaw pang nalalaman! kuya and i just rolled our eyes and told her, "o kulit kulit ka mamya, mag lock na naman jaw mo!" haha!

i asked her if she still feels sad about this sudden change. she answered with a nice grin, "i'm feeling better!"... yeah, that's the spirit, ma! =)

a comparative study between a wife's prayers and my prayers

just got home from baclaran for the novena. at the start of the novena, an inspirational letter was read. it was a thanksgiving letter from a wife. it was something like...


dear mama Mary,
i thank you for bringing back my husband. a few months ago, he left me for another girl. i completed the novena and i prayed hard for his change of heart and repentance. and indeed, he came back and sincerely asked for forgiveness. now we are happy and we are blessed still with a little angel.
*and the letter was signed.


i was smiling (i was alone, btw. hehe!) as the reader ended the letter... knowing that we were entrapped in a similar dilemma but our prayers were extremely different.

she prayed for her husband to come back.

i prayed that i may learn to let go of the one man i loved and accepted wholly.

she prayed for her husband's repentance.

i prayed that he (and i) may be happy eventually living our separate lives.

we both prayed for acceptance but in different perspectives...

she prayed that she may accept him despite his weaknesses.

i prayed that i may accept the situation and learn to move on without him. (i read in a good book: learn to move on, he has moved on anyway...)

it was good to hear though that it was a happy ending for that couple, they're married anyway... God has blessed them with a union no barrier could ever separate. =). God has blessed me with a "separation" that will open the door to a true happiness - one not stained with lies and deceit. =) it all comes down to francis kong's most inspirational phrase... it's not what happens, it's how you take it. *double grin

name vanity

i saw this name pendant in silver works. i didn't know they do this stuff... =) i really want one like this. my officemate knows a shop who does this for 2500 (gold). i almost got one a couple of months ago. whew... it's a good thing i wasn't impulsive that time. 'cause back then, i naturally wanted his name on that pendant!!! haha what would i do with that pendant if i had it done?!?! have it done again to spell caths haha!

anyway, gold is out and i think silver looks better. so maybe i'll get one some time (a little impulsiveness won't hurt, it'll be my name anyway!). i think it only costs 500 for the 1st 5 letters, excluding the necklace.